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Big Girls Don't Cry (Women Crying in the Workplace)
New York Times ^ | October 13, 2005 | STEPHANIE ROSENBLOOM

Posted on 10/15/2005 8:17:02 PM PDT by nickcarraway

WHEN women first joined the executive ranks of corporate America a generation ago, they donned sober slacks and button-down shirts. They carried standard-issue briefcases and adopted their male colleagues' stoicism.

More than two decades later, women have stopped trying to behave like men, trading in drab briefcases for handbags and embracing men's wear only if it is tailored to their curves. Yet there is one taboo from the earlier, prefeminist workplace that endures: women are not allowed to cry at the office. It is a potentially career-marring mistake that continues to be seen as a sign of weakness or irrationality, no less by women themselves than by men.

For evidence consider a recent episode of NBC's "Apprentice: Martha Stewart," in which a young woman whose team had just lost a flower-selling contest told Ms. Stewart that she felt like crying. Her admission elicited no sympathy from her prospective employer, only blunt career advice.

"Cry and you are out of here," Ms. Stewart said. "Women in business don't cry, my dear."

Women in politics don't either, judging by Geena Davis's performance as the steely Mackenzie Allen on ABC's "Commander in Chief." Discussing the pilot episode, in which Allen navigates a political minefield to ascend to the office of president of the United States, Ms. Davis told a reporter from The Chicago Sun-Times, "I did not cry in my pilot - no!"

For reasons both biological and social, scientists and sociologists say, women are more inclined than men to feel the urge to cry when they are frustrated. Yet Martha Stewart is not the only woman executive who expects her underlings to remain dry-eyed. Many other workplace veterans also impose the rule and through seminars, books, Web sites and private conversations, recommend tricks for how to follow it.

(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Constitution/Conservatism; Extended News; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; US: New York
KEYWORDS: marthastewart; senatorvoinovich; women; workplace
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To: nickcarraway
soccer
101 posted on 10/16/2005 11:02:28 AM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (Warning: Not a Romantic or hero worshiper. Attempts to tug at my heartstrings annoy me... and I bite)
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To: HoustonCurmudgeon
Perhaps it's easier to contain yourself in a nice climate controlled office?

This has nothing to do with environment, and everything to do with mental discipline. There is a world of difference between having emotion and making it apparent that your decisions are controlled and biased by your emotions. It does not matter whether I am sitting in an office or taking fire, I still expect people to stay rational and not become unglued. Such expectations are not unrealistic if people know it is expected of them and their leaders walk the walk, and I have had my trial by fire many times.

You either own your emotions or your emotions own you, and most things in business are not worth any emotional investment to begin with.

102 posted on 10/16/2005 11:04:34 AM PDT by tortoise (All these moments lost in time, like tears in the rain.)
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear

Sorry, I'm from the United States. Maybe Italians or Brazilians cry over the World Cup, but it any U.S. person who did would be highly suspect.


103 posted on 10/16/2005 11:08:15 AM PDT by nickcarraway (I'm Only Alive, Because a Judge Hasn't Ruled I Should Die...)
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To: nickcarraway

Like I said. It doesn't qualify as a good reason to cry in the office.


104 posted on 10/16/2005 11:10:53 AM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (Warning: Not a Romantic or hero worshiper. Attempts to tug at my heartstrings annoy me... and I bite)
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To: tortoise

I was trying to point out that sometimes things are a bit more "trying" than at other times and places. I do not suggest crying, screaming at others, nor losing your wits. I guess failed to do so.


105 posted on 10/16/2005 11:12:19 AM PDT by HoustonCurmudgeon (A right wing Christian, not part of the Christian Right)
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To: fire_eye
"I don't want to see any sort of visceral reaction at work, and I don't care who it's from -"

It depends a great deal on the job. In a profession such as yours, I could see where emotional neutrality would be preferable. In other professions, however, especially those filled with heartbreaking situations, it would be nearly impossible, if not downright callous, not to shed the occasional tear. As long as it doesn't create a scene or interfere with professional objectivity, I see no problem with it.

106 posted on 10/16/2005 1:22:16 PM PDT by sweetliberty (Stupidity should make you sterile.)
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To: tortoise; CindyDawg

Bump for us green-eyed superstars...I'm one of them too!


107 posted on 10/16/2005 2:30:46 PM PDT by Husker8877
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To: FrogMom

One of the few types worse working for or with than a cryer is a retentive nit picker that always has to follow "policy".


108 posted on 10/16/2005 6:40:53 PM PDT by StolarStorm
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To: djf

God bless you and her, for the love you shared; a love which you are keeping very alive.


109 posted on 10/16/2005 9:11:25 PM PDT by JRios1968 ("Sharpie Diem": seize the marker.)
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To: jamaly
Also, everybody in boot camp was aloud to hold up a sign, flag or something when they "just couldn't take any more". I wonder how that's working for them in the real world?

I think you're thinking of the stress card. I believe that ended with Clinton's Presidency but I'm not sure.

110 posted on 10/17/2005 10:25:41 AM PDT by <1/1,000,000th%
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To: MarkL

I stand corrected.

Without doubt, "Old Yeller", what the he!! was I thinking?


111 posted on 10/17/2005 3:19:30 PM PDT by porkchops 4 mahound (There is something in my eye......)
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To: Lazamataz

I feel yur pain, bubba.

"Thanks for sharing."


112 posted on 10/17/2005 3:24:10 PM PDT by porkchops 4 mahound (There is something in my eye......)
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To: StolarStorm

Do you refer to me or the boss who forces me to enforce company policy?


113 posted on 10/17/2005 3:27:45 PM PDT by FrogMom
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To: Drew68
I respectfully suggest that you should avoid the working decks of most commercial vessels, and avoid at all costs any contact with the Concrete industry.

There are many more "jobs" I'd suggest you should avoid, mostly the ones where really important "stuff', (life and death, big money, big status, kinda "stuff"), happens in an environment that is time critical.

Sometimes, there is no time to be "polite" or "sensitive".

What works in an office is usually not what works in the field, or on the working floor/deck.
114 posted on 10/17/2005 3:35:01 PM PDT by porkchops 4 mahound ("In MUD there is TRUTH!" There is something in my eye......)
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To: nickcarraway
There's no crying in IT.

It's a very high stress job and if you can't handle the penny ante personality issues, what are you gonna do when TSHTF?

You might get what you think is sympathy from a PHB, but it will be that kiss of death from your fellow developers.
115 posted on 10/17/2005 3:43:22 PM PDT by WolfRunnerWoman (Communism isn't dead, it's just regrouping)
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To: HoustonCurmudgeon

"F" ing A


116 posted on 10/17/2005 3:44:31 PM PDT by porkchops 4 mahound ("In MUD there is TRUTH!" There is something in my eye......)
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To: MarkL

Man, if you don't tear up when Jim Brown gets gunned down in the Dirty Dozen, you have no soul. LOL


117 posted on 10/17/2005 3:59:26 PM PDT by 11Bush
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To: porkchops 4 mahound
There are many more "jobs" I'd suggest you should avoid, mostly the ones where really important "stuff', (life and death, big money, big status, kinda "stuff"), happens in an environment that is time critical.

I work on the flight deck of an aircraft carrier. I dunno, some people might find that a job where really important "stuff" happens.

Granted, the level of tolerance of abusive behavior is a little higher than your typical office job, nonetheless, a supervisor who can't "keep his cool" in my job is dangerous. In an office job, he would be merely annoying or intimidating.

I won't tolerate (and neither will the Navy) unstable, sociopathic, abusive supervisors regardless of my occupation (and yes, I've worked in an office before as well).

118 posted on 10/17/2005 4:37:27 PM PDT by Drew68
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To: Drew68

Pard, a bird farm flight deck certainly counts as important "stuff".

We'll just have to agree to disagree.


119 posted on 10/17/2005 4:57:43 PM PDT by porkchops 4 mahound (The Navy I was in cussed,and drank,and chased females,and fought on the beach,and was proud of it.)
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To: nickcarraway

Like I tell my kids. I if there are tears, there had better be blood or broken bones! That goes for the girls also.


120 posted on 10/17/2005 5:04:37 PM PDT by mr_hammer (They have eyes, but do not see . . .)
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