Clinton Sex Scandal Ready for Broadway

Read it and weep:

DETAILS

In the face of the national scandal that was the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, Monica! The Musical dares to answer the crucial question(s): "Exactly how did something this enormous and this ridiculous happen? To our president? And why did we care so much?" And it dares to answer these questions in song.

Taking an approach that defies the need for actual research and relies instead on a generous helping of postmodern imagination, libelous implications, and things that couldn't have actually happened (yet which somehow manage to capture the truthful core of the situation and the people involved), Monica! is the story of Bill Clinton. We begin with President Bill parting ways with intern Monica Lewinsky near the end of his scandal-filled second term ("Before There Was You"). As Bill wonders how he got to this place, we travel back in time to meet an ambitious boy with big dreams ("I Got Dreams") of leading his country. From the get-go, it is clear that Bill's charm will more than make up for his lack of political ideology. When his good buddy Vernon Jordan convinces him to attend a 1960's hippie political rally, Bill meets the girl who can help take him to the top. Hillary Rodham has brains and ambition to spare and is content, for the moment, to imagine herself as First Lady to the captivating Clinton. ("We're Freaky-Deaky and We're Falling in Love"). However, Hillary's introduction (via young coed Janet Reno, who is no stranger to the benefits of single-sex education) to the manifold pleasures of female "collaboration" ("Things You Can't Imagine") and Bill's chance encounter with legendary and libidinous entertainer Tom Jones ("Tom Jones's London") foreshadow a rocky future for this political power couple.

Once established in the White House, Bill's penchant for adulterous affairs and ill-advised relationships with underlings is tacitly understood. Despite the misgivings of trusty staff members George Stephanopoulos and Janet Reno, Bill and Vernon celebrate the perks that come with having a position of power in a city of foxy women ("Bill Clinton's D.C."). That is, until First Lady Hillary demands that Bill's puerile behavior be put to an end for the duration of a two-term presidency. This leads to the introduction of a certain ripe, juicy tomato named Monica Lewinsky. Cursed with a long, dark history and terrible fashion sense, Monica interviews to be a White House intern. She runs into George and offers him a mocchacino, which he firmly refuses. Despondent, Monica sings about her own crushing bouts of low self-esteem and general lack of direction ("I Don't Know Where I'm Going"). As it happens, the President himself could sure go for some coffee and is glad to accept the creamy confection, leaving Monica starry-eyed and optimistic. This moment of bliss ends abruptly (before, even, she sings her glory note) as Monica is pushed aside to make room for a press conference ("Spin"). Independent Counsel Kenneth "Scared Little Freak with a Grudge" Starr pops up for the first time to signal his menace, and it is clear that Bill has unknowingly taken his first step on that long, downward spiral staircase to public humiliation.

As Bill and his gang of supporters prepare to celebrate their second term victory, Ken appears once again to taunt them in the manner of a wannabe villain. He is mocked, maligned and forced to admit that he is a huge jerk who nobody, especially the cool kids, can tolerate. This turns out to be a pattern in his sad little life, and he laments it in song while vowing to bring down the confident and charismatic Clinton (now firmly established as his nemesis) by any means necessary ("Shakespearean Asides"). After being lectured and emasculated by Hillary, who is angry about her impending Whitewater testimony, Bill has another chance meeting with Monica, who is also finding that life as an intern leaves much to be desired. The pair takes one last stab at resisting temptation, but as Act One comes to a close ("I Have Dreamed"), it is clear that they are on a slippery and scandalous slope heading straight toward disastrous consequences.

As Act Two begins, Bill manages to win the 1996 presidential election with ease and everything seems to be just great ("We're Great") for him and his cabal of followers and supporters. However, as it becomes clear that Monica's feelings are fast outgrowing his, and that she envisions a future with him that is not possible, Bill suddenly ends their relationship. At the same time, the clever Mr. Starr has finely honed his dastardly plan to bring Bill down by coercing a confession from Monica. When she initially refuses to divulge the details, he leaves the scene and returns disguised as vile Pentagon worker "Linda Tripp." With a minimum of coercion, a desolate and dejected Monica confesses details of her tryst to "Linda," being unaware that loose lips do, in fact, sink ships.

Though Monica tries to resume their relationship, Bill has given his staff the authority to send her packing. His secretary, Betty Currie, who is filled with righteousness and the spirit of the Lord (not to mention a certain sense of glee about the task ahead), tells Monica in a somewhat frenzied gospel-infused manner that she is no longer welcome anywhere near the Oval Office, much less under Bill's desk ("Access Denied"). As Monica begins to realize that her relationship with the Prez is truly over, it is already too late. Starr has all the information that he needs to try to bring Bill down. He kidnaps Monica and, as is his custom, sleazily interrogates her at a sleazy hotel ("Yes Or No"). She escapes his sadistic interview and looks for help from Bill's trusted supporters. But like so many rats exiting the Titanic before their reputations could be tarnished, George, Janet and Vernon are already packing their bags ("We're Out").

Shortly thereafter, the scandal breaks. Hillary, after a somber moment of imagining a life free of humiliation and martyrdom, decides to stand by her man ("I'm In"). The American public tries to turn up their collective nose as tales of Oval Office dalliances and stained dresses make their way into the headlines, but eventually must admit that they are equally rapt and repulsed by the story as they settle into their role as audience for the ensuing madness. Hillary and Ken appear on television to spin their versions of the story and vie for the public's endorsement ("The Media Circus") as Monica attempts to escape the limelight. As the desire to discover the truth of this situation comes to a fevered pitch, Bill finally addresses America himself. He tells a big fat lie, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman," and engages in a smack down with Starr. Though the country is not pleased with their leader, they ultimately determine that he has committed no crime. The show comes full circle as Bill and Monica go their separate ways.

Six to twelve months later, things are looking up for all of our characters, and especially for ex-President Bill and Senator Hillary, as they relocate to the one place that will accept them, warts and all: New York City ("N.Y.C."). As the curtain drops, we are left to reflect upon the redemptive powers of a good, catchy tune, as well as the knowledge that the guy who came after the flawed but magnetic protagonist of this story is much, much worse.

This bold satire represents the best and worst characteristics of musical theater, all the while causing us to examine our relationship to scandal and human frailty. At once a galvanizing theater experience, a "no they di'int" laugh fest, and a crap pack of lies, Monica! The Musical is, at the very least, highly entertaining.

It's a shame that Rondo Hatton isn't around anymore to play the part of Janet Reno.

I'd cast that to Will Ferrell

Wonder if they will cast Richard Simmons as Trent Lott in the toe tapping show stopper "You aren't going to dump that sh!t on me!" when he gets the articles of impeachment

The sad thing is that this will probably HELP Hilary's chances in NY

I bet it blows.

Clinton Sex Scandal Ready for Broadway

How about a peep show in your nearest red light district strip joint.

This is very puzzling! The NYC Broadway musical establishment is flaming liberal, in the progressive tinkerbell sense. It is odd that there would be a musical that could negatively effect Butch Clinton as she starts her run for a second term

The only posibility is that the musical will be a major pro-Willie propaganda piece that will make him look like an innocent hero and Starr and the brave floor managers look like bad guys.

It is apparent to me that this makes light of what most of us found appalling. Wonder how Starr will be portrayed in this? I think I can guess.

I feel sorry for the stagehand that needs to clean the sink after each "performance".

You should submit some of your songs for consideration!

Cast

Bill Clinton...........Ken Osmond (Eddie Haskell)
Hillary Clinton.........Ernest Borgnine
Al Gore.................Douglas Fir
Mandy Grunwald................Howard Stern

George Stephanopoulos ..............Macaulay Culkin
James Carville....................Charles Manson
Monica Lewinski..................Dan Rather
Ann Lewis...............................Elmer Fudd

And Cindy Sheehan as "The Stain"

You should submit some of your songs for consideration!

There's certainly a few from 'AVITA' that would be appropriate.

I was thinking more along the lines of the music from "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas"!

Indeed I did . . .

And here's the proof:

I just don't like all this. To treat a perjuring scoundrel like Clinton with any levity is not fair to our nation, or his legacy.

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a ***g?
It's swell to have a stiffy.
It's divine to own a d***,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest p**ck.
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your **ck.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.

--Monty Python

It sounds like they've got the music covered.

HOW ABOUT THIS ONE

This is almost tempting enough to go to NYC to see--almost, but not quite--LOL!

I hope they will take it on the road, and it will come close enough for me to see it. I also hope it's as good/bad as it sounds.