Tell me about it!
Posted on 08/24/2005 8:09:41 AM PDT by billorites
ONE in three women prepare for blind dates by spying on their prospective partners via the internet to obtain information about their careers, their hobbies and what they look like, a new study has found.
Increasing numbers of men are also using internet search engines to carry out so-called "suitability checks" before meeting their date.
And private investigators have reported an increase in clients whose suspicions about their partners have been driven by "i-spying".
The study found about 35 per cent of women said they had no qualms about going even further and looking at messages on the mobile phone of a partner or date.
The UK poll of 3,000 people by Onetel, a broadband provider, found women were far more likely to admit to snooping than men, with just half the number of males confessing they had sneaked a look at their partners' text messages.
One in 20 people of both sexes said they had searched the internet for a photo of a future blind date - leading 4 per cent of them to cancel a meeting because they did not like what they saw.
While psychologists said that there is nothing wrong with checking out background information, they warned that those who meddled too deeply could end up losing partners through lack of trust.
Websites such as Friends Reunited were named as a fruitful source of information.
Over half of those questioned admitted they had checked the site to find out about partners.
Professional investigators said they were not surprised by the findings.
Stephen Grant, a partner at Grant and McMurtie with 25 years' experience as a private detective, said he had had an increase in clients coming to him whose suspicions had been fuelled by internet searches.
And he said he had dealt with more women than men in such cases. "I don't know if that is because men are more philandering or women are more suspicious," he said.
He added: "With internet searches, we get people in the early days of a relationship coming to us after they have found things out - perhaps that a person is married - and they want us to confirm that.
"For people in a relationship, it is often their mobile phones that give them away. Another area where people get caught out is e-mail.
"When a client comes to us we do an internet search and see what comes up - we may well find something in a newspaper article or court records."
While the report found over two-thirds of people believe women are more likely to snoop, it showed less distinction between male and female behaviour at the more extreme levels of suspicious behaviour.
Around 15 per cent of women and 12 per cent of men said they had sent a text to their partner from a different number pretending to be someone else to see if they took the bait.
And 17 per cent of women and 15 per cent of men would do a police check on their partner if they got the chance. It also found 28 per cent of women and 21 per cent of men frequently drive past the house of someone they are attracted to, to see if they are in and if any extra cars are on the drive.
Half the women said they read their partner's bank statement, compared to a third of men, and 40 per cent would inspect their partner's phone bill, compared to 24 per cent of men. And 16 per cent of people have unearthed a secret they really did not want to find out.
Dr Cynthia McVey, a psychologist at Glasgow Caledonian University, said: "[The stereotype of women snooping] may date back to a time when women were at home and had less opportunity to stray, while men were out at work. Wives who were suspicious would check receipts or for signs of lipstick or perfume.
"Internet snooping is just a modern version of ancient human responses to feelings of insecurity and jealousy.
"But while checking the internet for general information is fairly harmless, to read someone's text messages or e-mails is an invasion of privacy and shows a real lack of trust, which is not good in a relationship."
Perils and pros of doing some research when love comes a-clicking
EDWARD BLACK
WOMEN might think they are stealing a march on men by using the internet to uncover information on a prospective date, but they are not alone.
After meeting my current girlfriend in a nightclub, e-mail proved an embarrassment-free way of arranging that tricky first date as well as yielding her company details. A quick Google search dug up a photograph of her on a financial firm's website, and also a résumé of her career - invaluable for conversation purposes later.
Unfortunately, with me being a journalist, she was able to glean far more information about me as well as finding details of a romantic mini-break spent in a Scottish health spa with a former partner published in The Scotsman's travel section.
Fortunately she missed my name on a lapdancing industry website which appeared when I wrote a story on a sheriff who was forced to resign after being caught in a sauna.
Another potential internet banana skin was a feature which involved three former girlfriends dishing the dirt on what I was like to go out with. The so-called Ex-files were a response to a call from feminist Germaine Greer to set up a website for women to log details of men who had behaved badly towards them so that other women could avoid a similar fate.
Behaviour such as making a partner show you a text message when their phone bleeps in front of you shows an unattractive degree of paranoia. Teenage love letters should be private, so when it comes to saved text messages or e-mails, try something a bit more old-fashioned: trust.
Lol! Well, I think most women ARE gonna lie about themselves for a date,which is silly cuz anyone intersted is gonna find out eventually that you're not an Angelina look alike!
Not many people are gonna answer adds for a short 60 year old obese woman with her two front teeth missing!
Gotta be careful, guys and gals! If he/she sounds too good to be true, it usually means they're dog meat!
HAAAAAAAAAA! I'm saving that one! Too funny!
Or who else has access to the genetic information ... especially if this company is later merged or bought out.
Tell me about it!
I about laughed for 10 minutes straight when I read that!! ROFL!!!
It's one thing to subtract 5 pounds...or SLIGHTLY embellish ("balding" instead of "bald" or "5'10" instead of 5'9 and a half".) But outright lying is ridiculous.
To be honest I don't either, just try to keep it under 200, thin girlish (or boyish) builds leave me cold...
I tried "conservativematch.com" for a while a few years back and there were never more than 1 or 2 matches within a 100 mile raidus of me...and most were my MOTHER'S age!!!
Too bad, Laz. "Nice guy" is woman-speak for "you're getting nowhere."
It took me 40 years to learn "nice guy" is actually a perjorative.
Nooooo, that's not what I meant.
Still can't figure out why women dig jerks...even my girlfriend says I'm too "nice" whatever that means...then I will tease her and she says I'm mean...I can't win!
I'm more the rugged bad-boy type.
Don't be so limited. My husband was on the other side of the country when we met.
That means 'boring'.
Trust me on this.
Well I've got a good woman currently! All my comments were past experience!
That said...if I became an available man once again I may go further than 100 miles...
Let me elaborate. It took 40 years for me to figure this out. Women want 'nice guy' for settling down with, then they will promptly grab the nearest 'bad boy' to cheat with. Well, not all, but many. Women want excitement. They want to feel, not think.
We bad boys are a bit of a challenge. We are a little mysterious. We make women feel. I've had to learn to just be myself, and be confident in that. I've got a nice spirit inside, one that is giving and sweet, but it takes the right woman to make that come out.
Mark
Yea I don't get this ... I know more overweight women that get their breasts reduced..a 200, 250, 300+ women and they go out and get pert little "B's"...yea that helped
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