"Six two, 195 pounds,
run 3 miles per day, currently
training for triathlon."
Posted on 08/24/2005 8:09:41 AM PDT by billorites
ONE in three women prepare for blind dates by spying on their prospective partners via the internet to obtain information about their careers, their hobbies and what they look like, a new study has found.
Increasing numbers of men are also using internet search engines to carry out so-called "suitability checks" before meeting their date.
And private investigators have reported an increase in clients whose suspicions about their partners have been driven by "i-spying".
The study found about 35 per cent of women said they had no qualms about going even further and looking at messages on the mobile phone of a partner or date.
The UK poll of 3,000 people by Onetel, a broadband provider, found women were far more likely to admit to snooping than men, with just half the number of males confessing they had sneaked a look at their partners' text messages.
One in 20 people of both sexes said they had searched the internet for a photo of a future blind date - leading 4 per cent of them to cancel a meeting because they did not like what they saw.
While psychologists said that there is nothing wrong with checking out background information, they warned that those who meddled too deeply could end up losing partners through lack of trust.
Websites such as Friends Reunited were named as a fruitful source of information.
Over half of those questioned admitted they had checked the site to find out about partners.
Professional investigators said they were not surprised by the findings.
Stephen Grant, a partner at Grant and McMurtie with 25 years' experience as a private detective, said he had had an increase in clients coming to him whose suspicions had been fuelled by internet searches.
And he said he had dealt with more women than men in such cases. "I don't know if that is because men are more philandering or women are more suspicious," he said.
He added: "With internet searches, we get people in the early days of a relationship coming to us after they have found things out - perhaps that a person is married - and they want us to confirm that.
"For people in a relationship, it is often their mobile phones that give them away. Another area where people get caught out is e-mail.
"When a client comes to us we do an internet search and see what comes up - we may well find something in a newspaper article or court records."
While the report found over two-thirds of people believe women are more likely to snoop, it showed less distinction between male and female behaviour at the more extreme levels of suspicious behaviour.
Around 15 per cent of women and 12 per cent of men said they had sent a text to their partner from a different number pretending to be someone else to see if they took the bait.
And 17 per cent of women and 15 per cent of men would do a police check on their partner if they got the chance. It also found 28 per cent of women and 21 per cent of men frequently drive past the house of someone they are attracted to, to see if they are in and if any extra cars are on the drive.
Half the women said they read their partner's bank statement, compared to a third of men, and 40 per cent would inspect their partner's phone bill, compared to 24 per cent of men. And 16 per cent of people have unearthed a secret they really did not want to find out.
Dr Cynthia McVey, a psychologist at Glasgow Caledonian University, said: "[The stereotype of women snooping] may date back to a time when women were at home and had less opportunity to stray, while men were out at work. Wives who were suspicious would check receipts or for signs of lipstick or perfume.
"Internet snooping is just a modern version of ancient human responses to feelings of insecurity and jealousy.
"But while checking the internet for general information is fairly harmless, to read someone's text messages or e-mails is an invasion of privacy and shows a real lack of trust, which is not good in a relationship."
Perils and pros of doing some research when love comes a-clicking
EDWARD BLACK
WOMEN might think they are stealing a march on men by using the internet to uncover information on a prospective date, but they are not alone.
After meeting my current girlfriend in a nightclub, e-mail proved an embarrassment-free way of arranging that tricky first date as well as yielding her company details. A quick Google search dug up a photograph of her on a financial firm's website, and also a résumé of her career - invaluable for conversation purposes later.
Unfortunately, with me being a journalist, she was able to glean far more information about me as well as finding details of a romantic mini-break spent in a Scottish health spa with a former partner published in The Scotsman's travel section.
Fortunately she missed my name on a lapdancing industry website which appeared when I wrote a story on a sheriff who was forced to resign after being caught in a sauna.
Another potential internet banana skin was a feature which involved three former girlfriends dishing the dirt on what I was like to go out with. The so-called Ex-files were a response to a call from feminist Germaine Greer to set up a website for women to log details of men who had behaved badly towards them so that other women could avoid a similar fate.
Behaviour such as making a partner show you a text message when their phone bleeps in front of you shows an unattractive degree of paranoia. Teenage love letters should be private, so when it comes to saved text messages or e-mails, try something a bit more old-fashioned: trust.
That's his story and he's stickin' to it.
I sure hope they really do destroy those juvenile records.
Nothing like starting a relationship with trust, is there?
Speaking of internet dating, I did try the internet personals route for a while.
I learned a few things. If a woman says she is 5'4, she's 5'2. If she says she weighs 140, she weighs 175. If she says divorced, she means separated. "Fun loving" means she's a drunk. "Music lover" means she lives and breathes Celine Dion. "Young looking" means she could pass for 60 (and she's 41)...
"Six two, 195 pounds,
run 3 miles per day, currently
training for triathlon."
"Music lover" means she lives and breathes Celine Dion.
And if she fancies herself musically "cultured" it means she's a Yanni fan.
I disagree. If I were a woman and agreed to a blind date, I'd want to evaluate the odds of a dangerous encounter as closely as possible, especially if it weren't a double-date.
In fact, I wish the Internet had been around back when I met my ex-wife. Sure could've saved a lot of trouble, heartache, and money.
This is a good news - bad news situation.
The bad news is for young people starting out dating and doing this kind of thing before they get to know somebody and build some type of 1st level commitment.
The good news is that if somebody like me (married 20 years + 2 weeks) ever lost my husband, the first guy that comes sniffing around would be googled in a heartbeat...being I'm older and wiser with assets to protect. ;D
Maybe they just can't keep a secret as well as men. :-)
It's a blind date. There's no relationship ~to~ trust in. The lovely ideal of trust in strangers gets you murdered and dumped in a ditch.
"Meesa your blind-date..."
Blind dates are not too smart these days. Anyone who would want to date from the internet must be missing about half their brains.
Well, that kind of equal and opposite extreme is just as silly as your first response that we should just ~trust~. I met my husband on the internet, right here on Free Republic, incidently.
People are potentially a lot safer meeting and getting to know someone in the relative safety of internet, than they are meeting someone in the same town who knows where you live and can follow you there. But, either way you meet someone new, it's not unwise or unethical to do a little checking up to see if he's who he says he is.
Well, I guess I'm safe so long as the woman doesn't know my other screen name of KingBoomBoomSexyMan.
Oh Oh.
Agreed,
The internet (used wisely) is a great place to meet people and make friends.
And like you said, they won't follow you home if they turn out to be a creep.
Checking up a bit is just common sense.
One thing I learned from internet dating: "Petite" means short. In other words, when a prospective date describes herself as petite, it is possible that she is 5'1" and weighs 185 pounds. Most men do not know this and need to know it if they are entering the world of internet dating. The consequences of not knowing can be severe.
Meeting someone through FreeRepublic makes sense. At least you are more likely to be conservative... What I should have said was meeting people "blindly" on the internet, such as through one of those money mill sites. Finding people through common interests makes perfect sense.
I did meet one girl on there I was impressed with. This was about 2 yrs ago right before I started dating my current girlfriend.
She was cuter than her picture, a conservative-libertarian Reagan Republican...loved 80s metal, was a movie buff like me...funny, smart, almost perfect in my opinion...but she never called me back after our first meeting. Maybe she thought I was boring, I dunno.
Women. Go figure!
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