Posted on 08/24/2005 8:09:41 AM PDT by billorites
ONE in three women prepare for blind dates by spying on their prospective partners via the internet to obtain information about their careers, their hobbies and what they look like, a new study has found.
Increasing numbers of men are also using internet search engines to carry out so-called "suitability checks" before meeting their date.
And private investigators have reported an increase in clients whose suspicions about their partners have been driven by "i-spying".
The study found about 35 per cent of women said they had no qualms about going even further and looking at messages on the mobile phone of a partner or date.
The UK poll of 3,000 people by Onetel, a broadband provider, found women were far more likely to admit to snooping than men, with just half the number of males confessing they had sneaked a look at their partners' text messages.
One in 20 people of both sexes said they had searched the internet for a photo of a future blind date - leading 4 per cent of them to cancel a meeting because they did not like what they saw.
While psychologists said that there is nothing wrong with checking out background information, they warned that those who meddled too deeply could end up losing partners through lack of trust.
Websites such as Friends Reunited were named as a fruitful source of information.
Over half of those questioned admitted they had checked the site to find out about partners.
Professional investigators said they were not surprised by the findings.
Stephen Grant, a partner at Grant and McMurtie with 25 years' experience as a private detective, said he had had an increase in clients coming to him whose suspicions had been fuelled by internet searches.
And he said he had dealt with more women than men in such cases. "I don't know if that is because men are more philandering or women are more suspicious," he said.
He added: "With internet searches, we get people in the early days of a relationship coming to us after they have found things out - perhaps that a person is married - and they want us to confirm that.
"For people in a relationship, it is often their mobile phones that give them away. Another area where people get caught out is e-mail.
"When a client comes to us we do an internet search and see what comes up - we may well find something in a newspaper article or court records."
While the report found over two-thirds of people believe women are more likely to snoop, it showed less distinction between male and female behaviour at the more extreme levels of suspicious behaviour.
Around 15 per cent of women and 12 per cent of men said they had sent a text to their partner from a different number pretending to be someone else to see if they took the bait.
And 17 per cent of women and 15 per cent of men would do a police check on their partner if they got the chance. It also found 28 per cent of women and 21 per cent of men frequently drive past the house of someone they are attracted to, to see if they are in and if any extra cars are on the drive.
Half the women said they read their partner's bank statement, compared to a third of men, and 40 per cent would inspect their partner's phone bill, compared to 24 per cent of men. And 16 per cent of people have unearthed a secret they really did not want to find out.
Dr Cynthia McVey, a psychologist at Glasgow Caledonian University, said: "[The stereotype of women snooping] may date back to a time when women were at home and had less opportunity to stray, while men were out at work. Wives who were suspicious would check receipts or for signs of lipstick or perfume.
"Internet snooping is just a modern version of ancient human responses to feelings of insecurity and jealousy.
"But while checking the internet for general information is fairly harmless, to read someone's text messages or e-mails is an invasion of privacy and shows a real lack of trust, which is not good in a relationship."
Perils and pros of doing some research when love comes a-clicking
EDWARD BLACK
WOMEN might think they are stealing a march on men by using the internet to uncover information on a prospective date, but they are not alone.
After meeting my current girlfriend in a nightclub, e-mail proved an embarrassment-free way of arranging that tricky first date as well as yielding her company details. A quick Google search dug up a photograph of her on a financial firm's website, and also a résumé of her career - invaluable for conversation purposes later.
Unfortunately, with me being a journalist, she was able to glean far more information about me as well as finding details of a romantic mini-break spent in a Scottish health spa with a former partner published in The Scotsman's travel section.
Fortunately she missed my name on a lapdancing industry website which appeared when I wrote a story on a sheriff who was forced to resign after being caught in a sauna.
Another potential internet banana skin was a feature which involved three former girlfriends dishing the dirt on what I was like to go out with. The so-called Ex-files were a response to a call from feminist Germaine Greer to set up a website for women to log details of men who had behaved badly towards them so that other women could avoid a similar fate.
Behaviour such as making a partner show you a text message when their phone bleeps in front of you shows an unattractive degree of paranoia. Teenage love letters should be private, so when it comes to saved text messages or e-mails, try something a bit more old-fashioned: trust.
Great minds think alike.
I'm flexible on skinny. My last SO wasn't skinny at all, but was in fact most shapely indeed.
I have lost 50 lbs since those days myself and I'm gunning for 225. The LA fitness chick says I've got 180 lbs of muscle mass so no way I can go much below that.
I heard the ad and immediately envisioned a whole lot of "Dads", who may have always held nagging suspicions about the paternity of a child, secretly swabbing the kids and sending off for the results. It is only a matter of time before these tests lead to more divorces and domestic violence, including murder.
(Of course, if my wife had a child by somebody else and let me believe the child was mine, I'd probably want to kill her. Would somebody like me make a sympathetic juror?)
But now imagine that this company somehow screws up the test.
LOL!
LOL!!! ;o)
heehee
OK - well, I've done all I can do here. :~D
It's mostly a mask I put on here. I'm really not that bad IRL. Maybe a little playful and mischevious. But not a cad.
My last gf in Atlanta said I was the classic definition of the Bad Boy -- iconoclastic, somewhat take-it-or-leave-it although expressing some interest in her, pretty confident, a mysterious past.
Well, they know I'm not working....good one.
The dating service I'm on is Yahoo. So far I haven't had any trouble. On my profile I put my preferences on the marital status to read the following:single NEVER married. Thanks for the advise, I plan to follow it.
Well if that's how you describe yourself, you sound like a nice guy. Not at all a "Cad".
Well that all depends on your definition of cutie.
If some woman wants to Google my real name to "check up" on me she will find I am scratch golfer in Missouri, a mayor of a small town in Georgia and a registered sex offender in Oklahoma (I am *really* careful any time I travel through Oklahoma). Of course, I am none of these people but how can she be sure? She'll also find that I write a lot about baseball and football. She'll probably overlook those because they're "about sports".
Well if it's any consolation, I never got many responses either-I honestly think most people don't get that many, really unless they look like Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt (which few of us do!)...
That said I've seen your page and I think you're an attractive woman!
I don't mind weight. Many women who are overweight dress and care for themselves well and look GOOD! Then there's "sloppy" and these women are often fat but also can be very thin but dress like Jerry Springer guests-that is not attractive to me.
Thanks :-) I got one guy who thinks I'm not too shabby ;-) I think most of internet dating is a meat market. More power to a Angelina Jolie type because a woman needs every advantage with internet dating.
I tried a "conservative" dating service last year and the only interest I received was from an aesthetically-challengened librarian who voted for Al Gore.
But then the last time I actually went on a blind I got an overweight smoker who told me in the first hour that she had had her breasts reduced. I had to choke back my response ("What a coincidence! I had my dick shortened."). She was driving, after all, and I didn't want to make the disaster worse.
I have a friend who lists herself at 55 on a dating site, when she is actually 62. I cautioned her that ussearch.com has a free service that all you do is enter a first and last name, town where you live, "approximate" age, and bingo.....it provides your current age. Guaranteed all you guys and gals are on it.....I am!
If only women would put a tenth of the time to inquire on the suitability of those they to vote for.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.