Posted on 08/15/2005 5:46:09 PM PDT by writer33
El Segundo, CA—(Satire) In a sudden, yet brilliant move—designed to line the pockets of their investors—Mattel, Inc. announces that they have designed the first ever Cindy Sheehan action figure. The makers of Barbie dolls have laid down the gauntlet and staked their position in the war for oil, siding with the plight of mothers across the world.
The “talking” action figure is a new girl in town that is destined to become a V.F.F. (virtual friend forever) to liberals everywhere. Mattel, Inc., a diverse company, created the figure and has won the hearts of people in Crawford, Texas, and across America with a doll that will take the First Amendment to a new level.
“It’s a stroke of genius from our R&D department,” said Bob Eckert, President and CEO of Mattel. “We’re calling the doll ‘Little Mommy Protester.’ With the tide turning against President Bush, we’ve got to get into the pockets of the American people before they become disenchanted with this movement. It’s the smart thing to do! And we support Cindy Sheehan here at Mattel.”
“I was just fed up. When the 14 Marines were killed, and when George Bush said again that they died for a noble cause, and he said we have to complete the mission by honoring the sacrifices of the fallen heroes, that was it, I just was so enraged,” noted Cindy Sheehan in an interview with Reuters. “I fully support Mattel and am honored to be a spokesperson for the First Amendment. It’s time our children learned the full power of it!”
Bob Eckert also mentioned that the company would make three different action figures: “Camping Cindy,” “Elegant Cindy,” and “Blue Jean Cindy.” He noted that “Camping Cindy” will be sweat-soaked, wearing a t-shirt, headband and shorts while brandishing a sign that reads: “Bring the Troops Home Now!” “Elegant Cindy” is said to be adorned in an evening gown, but isn’t too busy to take time out of a night on the town to protest the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. And according to Eckert, “Blue Jean Cindy” will be dressed in blue jeans and a halter top, catering to the hip, young liberals that want to bring the troops home now.
Ray McGovern, a former CIA analyst who addressed protesters from the bed of a red pickup truck, reportedly called Sheehan their Rosa Parks, in a reference to the black woman who triggered civil rights protests after she was arrested in 1955 for refusing to give up her seat on a bus to a white passenger. “She’s a special lady. I can’t say enough about her and I think this move by Mattel is brilliant. I know I’m going to by my little granddaughter a Cindy Sheehan action figure! Thanks, Mattel!”
Hart Viges, 29, who joined the Army because of the Sept. 11 attacks proclaimed, “We were used. I believe the government betrayed the United States armed forces. They sent them out on a mission that was meant for something other than weapons of mass destruction. Go Mattel, Go! You’re my hero Mr. Eckert! Well, you and Cindy Sheehan!”
The action figures, set to hit stores on Labor Day weekend, has ensured that their stock will go through the roof, and has inspired Democratic Senators to continue their lockstep rhetoric in resistance to the war on terror, while leaning for a more peaceful resolution to the violence of sadistic terrorists.
“Mattel is stepping up to the plate,” said a soft spoken Sen. Harry Reid, D-NV. “I think they’ve hit a home run with this doll and I’m willing to throw my weight behind Mattel from now on.”
“Mattel is doing something I’ve wanted to do for the longest time,” fired Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-CA. “They’re sticking it to the administration and I love ‘em for it. Keep it up, Bob. You have my vote.”
“This action figure is long overdue,” claimed Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-MA. “I think it’s the bomb. Every liberal in America ought to buy one as soon as they’re available. Stand firm against the red, white and blue!”
Eckert noted that each action figure would say something different. “I don’t want to give the whole thing away,” Eckert stated. “But one doll says, ‘Bush lied and my son died.’ The other two say similar things. It’s a gas,” laughed Eckert.
Eckert also said that the company was working on two other anti-war dolls: The George Voinovich action figure, which cries and says, “I’m worried about our grandchildren,” and the Hillary Clinton action figure that fights evil anti-abortion Republicans, avoids scandals and says, “A woman’s right to choose is what matters most. Now put me in the White House!”
As time goes by, the protestors in Crawford, Texas, grow larger and larger. The tide has slowly turned for George W. Bush, and Mattel’s insights into the American people have practically created a ‘lame duck’ status, making Americans wonder what they voted for on November 2, 2004.
Jealous? :) hehe!
Thanks for reading and posting, SF. I appreciate it.
Don't miss the cartoon in #10, I think!!!
Her soon to be ex husband is watching very carefully. Heck, he's even requested that Cindy pay him spousal support. I'd say he knows where the money is.
I don't know, but I've been told, that what them silly savages do down at Polk & Van Ness in SFO!!!
Oh man that's good! :)
Thanks, that was a good laugh.
Red6
Good point.
The mom don't even represent the views of her fallen son.
Red6
That cartoon is SO true.
I always enjoy your threads, Chris. Let's just hope the doll idea is only an idea. I'd hate for a little girl to accidentally get hold of one! *shudder*
Dairy queen, is this a younger Neal Boortz?
Good stuff, Zechariah. Thanks for reading and posting the graphic. I appreciate it.
It's only an idea. This thing isn't building much traction at all.
There's a V.F.F. for every liberal, Ellesu. Thanks for posting the graphic. I appreciate it. It's great. Thanks for reading as well.
This is a seriously good idea, Chris. Can you accessorize with a straitjacket and a padded cell?
Accessories sold separately, but I'm sure Mattel would be happy to accomodate. :)
Thanks for reading and posting, speedy. I appreciate it.
:) Good stuff, Mark. Thanks for reading and posting. I appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed it.
Doesn't need traction--just....accessories. That's where the money is made! Don'cha know?
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