Is Living Together Before Marriage Totally Accptable? ...Freeper Insight Needed

7.31.05 | mlmr

[mlmr]

So I have been trying to rent an apartment in my home...and all I have answering the ads are boyfriends and girlfriends. No matter what social status, no matter what income level, I am seeing unmarried twenty, thirty and forty year old couples who want to live together. If I question them, they don't even understand why I am asking.

These are Christians and Jews. I was so surprised to find that it would be so difficult to find a young married couple.

Tell me Dear Freeper...am I totally out of the ballgame to expect to find a young married couple? Am I expecting something that just isn't in our culture anymore?

[mlmr]

Couples can and do give their vows to one another without being under the watchful eye of the law. Two people can commit to one another without the consent or the license required by local authorities.



You are talking about common law marriage and vows, not about living together.

[DefiantZERO]

Did you ever stop to think that it's a "test run" to her as well? They are testing their compatibility, leave them alone.

[tortoise]

Yes but how many men will put up with living with a girl if he isn't SLEEPING with her?

Honestly, hard to say. There are few girls that won't hop into bed without any prodding from the guy, even "nice" girls -- everyone thinks their daughter is an angel. It is somewhat disconcerting actually.

BTW, congratulations! :-)

[dufekin]

My recollection of the sodomy decision (Lawrence v. Texas) is that the State cannot prohibit sodomy in a manner that discriminates against the unmarried or homosexuals; therefore, those state laws that prohibit sodomy even within marriage still stand--at least until the Court decides otherwise. Therefore, because the Fact of the Law sees no difference between homosexual sodomy and marital foreplay, the latter is considered the moral equivalent of the former (a mortal sin). At least in Oklahoma, sodomy puts you on the sex offender registry. Three of 'em in my zip code...scary.

[HairOfTheDog]

There is no creature with a larger sense of entitlement and a smaller sense of duty and honor toward others as the tattooed, foul mouthed, swaggering modern American Woman. Why would any sane man risk financial ruin in divorce court and marry one these days when you can find plenty of them out on the prowl every night?

Been finding all your women at the same biker bar?

Good grief.

[mlmr]

So?

You would have thrown her over if it was too tough?

[cyborg]

LOL

[mlmr]

So, she understands she is being "test driven?"
God amighty. How sad is that for her?

Women sometimes don't even understand how badly they are being used I guess...

[cyborg]

thanks :-)

[Polybius]

A woman, a man and a relationship are not at all like an automotive transaction.

Yep. That's very true.

When you and your automobile part company, the automobile does not take your house, it does not haul away half of your stuff and it does not expect you to keep paying it's maintenance and fuel bills.

[SpringheelJack]

That's what a long courtship is for.

It's still a lot different from marriage. If you're married, you're going to have to live together, and the two of you may easily have incompatabilities that a courtship, no matter how long, did not bring to the surface.

I'm not knocking somebody for going about it a different way. But in my view, if there are going to be problems, it's best to find them out if you can before you're in a situation which requires lawyers.

[DefiantZERO]

No one would've "thrown" over anyone.

If we tried and tried as hard as we could, and it just wasn't working out, we would've mutually parted.

If it worked alright but we just didn't feel totally ready, we would've agreed that we both just need more time to mature and prepare ourselves. It wasn't about whether or not we should stay monogamous to each other or anything, just about being ready to cohabitate together all the time. Some people *do* have different reactions to being with someone periodically as opposed to all the time. We were testing ourselves.

[don-o]

They are testing their compatibility, leave them alone.

What do we have? 4,000 years of recorded human history? How venerable is the tradition of a couple who want to marry just give it a go to see if they like it?

Uh, people used to get killed for acting out like this!

[Quint on dry land]

Root causes may have something to do with class, but I would be more inclined to think self-discipline a central issue. I see generations that build up good names and/or good estates followed by generations that simply squander those attainments. A defining difference in those comparisons is self-discipline.

Straining to be non-judgmental sort of seems to erode the ability to develop healthy self-discipline. Indulgence of one generation for the sloppy morals of a following generation handicaps the younger ones, puts them on a path to no defining achievement. I suspect there are cycles, but don't know how to get that perspective.

[mlmr]

does not take your house, it does not haul away half of your stuff and it does not expect you to keep paying it's maintenance and fuel bills.


Perhaps the emphisis should not be on parting company but instead on making good choices and sticking with them.

[mlmr]

It's still a lot different from marriage. If you're married, you're going to have to live together, and the two of you may easily have incompatabilities that a courtship, no matter how long, did not bring to the surface.

BIG difference between living together and being married. Living together is like being on a loooooog date. Being married is about knowing there is commitment and forever.

[cyborg]

What sort of incompatabilities? I'm trying imagine what they could be and why they would not come out during a long courtship.

[mlmr]

It is difficult to see the lack of commitment and moral vacancy in these young faces.