FReeper Canteen~What Makes You Laugh?~July 28, 2005~

July 27, 2005 | bentfeather

[Soaring Feather]

For the freedom you enjoyed yesterday...
Thank the Veterans who served in The United States Armed Forces.

Looking forward to tomorrow's freedom?
Support The United States Armed Forces Today!

Good morning TROOPS!!
What makes you laugh??
Post your funny cartoons, jokes, anything you enjoy!

This one always cracks me up!

You Might Be A Soldier If..

Silly cartoon characters??

What tickles your funny bone??
A good joke, funny cartoons, a practical joker?

Computer humor?

"Why We Love Kids"

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

2. HONESTY

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."

3. OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

4. KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang, so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

5. MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

6. POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help, I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

7. POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

8. ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

9. DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

10. DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes."

11. SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk."

12. BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."

bentfeather

[Soaring Feather]

I just googled your answer and learned Mencia is a game. I am not a game player so I was lost. hehehehe.....:-)

[Soaring Feather]

Oh, go to bed. You pest. First my Mac dies and now i have you to contend with... sheeesh give me a break.

[68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub]

Click on the pic and I'll guide you
to the start of today's thread



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[Soaring Feather]

Thanks for Ray Charles, America. Great, ms. marlowe.

[writer33]

The only good Mac is a dead Mac. :)

[mmercier]

Calvin is the best.

I have "Something under the bed is drooling " under my KB at this moment.

"The essential Calvin and Hobbes" is in the water closet.

I once had them all, but sent mots to Iraq last year.

http://booksforsoldiers.com/index.php

http://www.givebooks.us/

http://www.legion.org/support/index.php?content=support_links

[Soaring Feather]

Oh man, them is fighting words.

[68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub]

Does EDT mean Eastern Dairy Time?

[writer33]

I take that back. I do own a Mac. It's my boat anchor.

:)

[Lady Jag]

Good attitude to have LJ.

It's easy if you give yourself plenty of material.

[Soaring Feather]

Why, yes, it does. We have to get up before Daylight to tend the cows. LOL

[68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub]

FYI : Look in upper right corner of "My Comments" page.
Set it for "Brief" instead of Full.
You only will get title of thread and who pinged you.
No graphics will load.

[laurenmarlowe]

{{HUGS}} Ms. Feather!

[al baby]

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.






What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.


What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.


What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.


What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.


What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.


Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.


Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.



What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.



A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.



What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"



What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you


Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."




What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"




What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.


What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.


What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!


What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

[luvie]

Great thread tonight, bentfeather!

Need any help with your kitchen chores?

[Soaring Feather]

I am gonna complain about you to the management.

[tomkow6]

I just can't understand how someone can use a hamburger from McDonald's as a real computer....even my first computer, a CoCoIII, was better than a hamburger!

[AZamericonnie]

That's one smart Zebra! lol

[68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub]

From the men in the Military and the Canteen

[luvie]

Thanks for the pledge, Hope! The flag reminds me of the Johnny Cash song about the battered old flag. It requires a hanky alert!