Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

FReeper Canteen ~ Canteen Summer Music Dedication Rolls On ~ 25 June 2005

Posted on 06/24/2005 6:58:02 PM PDT by MoJo2001


 

 

~ The Canteen Music Dedication ~
(Saturday Night Jukebox)

Welcome to all of our Troops, Veterans, and their families!! The Canteen Music Dedication has always been and will continue to be for you!! Thank you for joining us each week!!
 


Canteen Music Dedication FYI

Enjoying the Canteen Music Dedication is relatively easy!
1. If you enjoy an eclectic range of music, then you've found your place.

2. All music will be removed on Monday. So? Enjoy the music while you can.

3. You can make requests via email at musicrequests@canteenusa.com , posting it on the thread or FReepmail us. If you are a FReeper, please avoid emailing us with your requests. You can use the latter two for that.

4. We are not a downloading site. This isn't an MP3 search engine site. If you are from one of those places, please understand that we will do everything in our power to stop you from downloading our music. If you want the music bad enough, please consider purchasing the music either online or offline. We will block and ban you from our network if we catch you downloading. This is for mostly outside of Free Republic.

5. Hotlinking is not tolerated. Don't do it. We have granted permission to one other site. The site is run by a Navy Veteran and understands the music is only up for a few days.

6. The Canteen Deejays post music daily. If you don't catch something on Saturday's thread, scroll through the threads!

7. No music requests via email will be taken for this week's thread after Wednesday at Noon of each week. We will try to get to the music requests. However, we receive anywhere between 75-250 requests a weekend. We just don't have the time sometimes.

8. This music dedication has always been about our Troops, Veterans, their families, and the Canteen. Please respect that. Don't steal bandwidth and take away their enjoyment.

9. If you would like to be added/removed from the Canteen Music Ping list, please FReepmail MoJo2001 or Kathy In Alaska. We'll be happy to honor any request.
10. If you have any questions about the music dedication, please FReepmail MoJo2001. Thank you!!

10. Red colored boxes --> Warning! The music is not for children or Ma!
Green colored boxes --> requests via email
Purple colored boxes --> songs we think you might enjoy!

 

Enjoy The Music!!
 

 

~ Volume I ~
Red colored boxes are warnings that the music is unsuitable for kids or Ma!
Green colored boxes indicate music requests via email!
Purple colored boxes indicates music we think you'll enjoy!

Artist Song Artist Song

Alanis Morrisette
*90s Music
 
You Oughta Know Bell Biv Devoe
*90s Hip Hop
Poison
Tracy Bonham
*90s Alternative/Rock
Mother Mother Black Grape
*British Pop/Rock
Kelly's Heroes
BRock
*Old School Rap
My Baby's Daddy K7
*90s Hip Hop
Come Baby Come

Ludacris
*Hip Hop/Rap/00s
 
Saturday (Ooh! Ooh!) 2Pac/Tupac Shakur
*Old School Rap/Hip Hop
I Get Around

Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg
*Old School Rap/Hip Hop
 
Dre Day Domino
*Old School Rap/Hip Hop
Sweet Potato Pie
Biz Markie
*Old School Rap/Hip Hop
Spring Again Das EFX
*Old School Rap/Hip Hop
We Want EFX
Duice
*Old School Rap/Hip Hop
Daize Dukes Kyper
*Old School Rap/Hip Hop
Tic Tac Toe
Lorna
*Latin Hip Hop/Rap
Papi Chulo Apache
*Old School Rap
Gangsta B..
3rd Bass
*Old School Rap
The Cactus (Remix) Nina Sky
*Hip Hop
Move Your Body
Nina Sky
*Hip Hop/Latin
Oye Mi Canto (Remix) Beenie Man
*Dancehall/Reggae
Dude (Remix)

~ Volume II ~
 

Artist Song Artist Song
The Gentrys
*Oldies
Keep On Dancing DHT
*Current Music
*Remake of Roxette's song
Listen To Your Heart
Jim & Jesse
*Bluegrass
Ballad Of Thunder Road
Field Marshal Montgomery Pipe Band
*Gasp --> Bagpipes
 
Hornpipes
Loggins & Messing
*Easy Listening
Your Mama Don't Dance
Bruce Cockburn
*Easy Listening
 
Wondering Where The Lions Are

Little Feat
*Southern Rock
 
Rag Mama Rag Brooks & Dunn
*Country
It's Getting Better All The Time

Terraplane
*Classic Rock
 
If That's What It Takes Platinum Blonde Crying Over You
Bluegrass Mountaineers
*Bluegrass (did ya guess?)
Tennessee Breakdown Neneh Cherry
*80s Music
Buffalo Stance
Crash Test Dummies
*90s Music
Mmmm..mmm..mmm.. Barenaked Ladies
*90s Music (Holla back Canada!)
One Week
Keith Urban
*Country
Memories of Us Carl Carlton
*70s Music
Bad Mama Jama

Bobby Brown
*80s Music
 
Every Little Step Plimsouls
*80s Music
Million Miles Away
Surfaris
*Oldies/Beach Music
Bombora Peggy Lee
*Oldies
Fever

Alana Davis
*90s Music
 
32 Flavors Dexy's Midnight Runners
*80s Music
Celtic Soul Brothers

 

~ Volume III ~
*This week we received over 360 music requests! Thank you!
 

Artist Song Artist Song
Milton Brown
*History Of C&W
Mama Don't Allow It
Percy Sledge
*Oldies/Classic R&B
 
When A Man Loves A Woman

Arrested Development
*90s/Hip Hop
 
Washed Away Mahavishnu Orchestra
*Fusion/New Age Jazz
Resolution
Ricky Nelson
*Oldies
Waitin' In School Newfound Road
*Bluegrass
Edinburgh
Jay Ferguson
*Classic Road
Thunder Island The Fixx
*80s Music
One Thing Leads To Another

Janet Jackson
*90s
 
Together Again Belfast Muslims
*Celtic/Irish
Drinking Songs!
Whiskey, You're A Devil
Tommy Duncan
*Western Swing/Country Classics
Chattanooga Shoe Shine Boy Mountain Heart
*Bluegrass
#6 Barn Dance
The Marshall Tucker Band
*Southern Rock
This Ol Cowboy Spade Cooley
*Country Classics
Indian Summer
Air Supply
*80s Music (Sappy Love Song Alert)
Making Love Out Of Nothing At All War
*70s
Low Rider
Moon Martin
*Classic Rock
For James who believes we don't play enough Classic Rock! Look around!
Rolene Al Stewart
*Classic Rock
Year Of The Cat
The Spin Doctor
*90s Music
Two Princes April Wine
*Classic Rock
Gimmie Love
Tony Joe White
*Classic Rock
Steamy Windows
Joe Satriani
*Rock/Classic Rock
 
Satch Boogie

 

~ Volume IV ~
Where is my song? Don't see it? Request it!

Artist Song Artist Song
The Knack
*Classic Rock
My Sharona Jesus Jones
*90s
Right Here, Right Now

Joe Public
*90s Hip Hop
 
Live and Learn MC Hammer
*90s Rap/Hip Hop
U Can't Touch This

Ted Weems
*Big Band/Jazz
 
Peg O' My Heart Kate Smith
*Capitol Sings/Jazz
Who Cares?

The Andrew Sisters
*Capitol Sings/Jazz/Patriotic/
Tribute to George Gershwin
 
Of Thee I Sing Dakota Staton
*Capitol Sings/Jazz/Tribute to George Gershwin
They All Laughed

Cotton Town Jazz Band
*Dixieland Jazz
*For Eric, who tried to stump us! Hehe!
 
Sweet Simone Jan Savitt
*Swing/Jazz
Quaker City Jazz

Krush
*90s Music
 
Let's Get Together Pete Cater Band
*Swing/Jazz
This Song Is You
Little Caesar  & The Romans
*Oldies/60s Music
Those Oldies But Goodies Mungo Jerry
*70s Classics
In The Summertime

Mr. Bloe
*70s Music
 
Groovin With With Mr. Bloe Dave Dee Dozy Beaky Mick & Tich
*Classic Rock
Hold Tight

Engelbert Humperdinck
*60s Music
 
There Goes My Everything Molloy, Peoples, and Brady
*Celtic Music
Newport Lass
Mushroom
*Celtic Music
Potter's Wheel Rihanna
*Current
For Jay--who missed this last week!
Pon De Replay

Sam Cooke & The Soul Stirrers
*Gospel
*One of our most popular requests!
 
Jesus, I'll Never Forget Ray Charles
*Classic R&B
Night Time Is The Right Time

 

~ Volume V ~
*More requested music!
Tired of seeing the same songs played? Request music!

Artist Song Artist Song
Ray Charles
*Oldies
Hit The Road Jack Bill Haley & The Comets
*Oldies
Rock Around The Clock
Dell Vikings
*Oldies
Come Go With Me Chuck Berry
*Oldies
Almost Grown
Abigail Mead
*Soundtrack Music
Parris Island  Django Reinhardt
*Jazz/Swing
Daphne
Wayne Newton
*Oldies
Danke Schoen London Symphony
*From Braveheart OST
Scottish Wedding

Classic Drum Battles
*From Drumline
 
Marching Band Medley Classic Drum Battles
*From Drumline OST
Classic Battle
Haddaway
*Club Mix/90s Music
What Is Love? La Bouche
*90s Music/Club Extended Mix
Be My Lover
Frankie Miller
*Classic Rock
Ain't Got No Money Calypso Rose
*Music From The Caribbean
Jamming In Jamaica

Dancelife
*Ballroom Music/Swing
*Kiernan..you wanted different music, right?
 
Mr. Pinstripe Suit Dancelife
*Ballroom Music/Swing
*On our quest to add variety to Kiernan's life in Dublin! Hehe!
Shout and Feel It
Lokua Kanza
*Music from Congo
Tika Ngai
Sammy Figueroa
*Latin Jazz
 
Mambo Influenciado
The Latin Giants Of Jazz
*Um, Latin Jazz
Frenzy Michael Chacon
*Latin Dance Hits
La Banana

Gibson Miller Band
*Country
 
Texas Tattoo Roxie Dean
*Country
A Soldier's Wife

~ Volume VI ~
Why don't you ever play something good?
Well, why don't you request something good?Well? We're waiting!

Artist Song Artist Song
Neal McCoy
*Country
Billy's Got The Beer Googles On Bishops Of The Faith
*Gospel-->Uplifting
Church Medley
Acaza Hip Hop
*Gospel Music
Music For My Soul
Campmeetin' Live
*Gospel
 
Heaven's Jubilee
The Chieftains
*For Maggie/Irish/Celtic
Jordan Is A Hard Road Travel The Chieftains
*Irish/Celtic
Raggle Taggle Gypsy
Elmore James
*Blues
Fine Little Mama Avery Brady
*Blues
City Of New Orleans
Freddie King
*Blues
Boogie Funk Doris Day
*Swing
Lullaby Of Broadway

 

 


TOPICS: Free Republic
KEYWORDS: 1719; 299; piper
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 1,021-1,0401,041-1,0601,061-1,080 ... 1,921-1,934 next last
To: laurenmarlowe

Music bump.


1,041 posted on 06/25/2005 7:27:00 AM PDT by E.G.C.
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1036 | View Replies]

To: StarCMC

Good for you!


1,042 posted on 06/25/2005 7:27:15 AM PDT by Mrs.Nooseman
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1038 | View Replies]

To: 68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub; Arrowhead1952; AZamericonnie; beachn4fun; bentfeather; Bethbg79; ...
Click on the word, enemy below for a music video.


1,043 posted on 06/25/2005 7:29:07 AM PDT by Lady Jag (Honor - Dignity - Courage - Loyalty)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1038 | View Replies]

To: Bethbg79
((LOL))I had a unusually high volume of pings since I last turned off the computer yesterday afternoon.

I bumped most of those posts, then there was some confusion.

It's all striaghtned out now.:-D

1,044 posted on 06/25/2005 7:29:24 AM PDT by E.G.C.
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 997 | View Replies]

To: Lady Jag

((HUGS))Good morning, Lady Jag. How's it going?


1,045 posted on 06/25/2005 7:30:41 AM PDT by E.G.C.
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1043 | View Replies]

To: MoJo2001

On this Day In History


Birthdates which occurred on June 25:
1373 Johanna II, Queen of Naples (1414-35)
1813 William Hugh Keim, Brig General (Union volunteers), died in 1862
1823 James Dunwody Bulloch, Capt (Confederate Navy), died in 1901
1864 Walther Hermann Nernst Prussian physical chemist (Nobel 1920)
1865 Robert Henri US painter, leader of the Ashcan school
1886 Henry (Hap) Arnold commanding general, US Army Air Force in WW II
1887 George Abbott Forestville NY, producer (Damn Yankees, Pajama Game)
1894 Hermann Oberth Germany, founded modern astronautics
1900 Lord Louis Mountbatten of Burma, royal relative
1903 George Orwell England, satirist/author (Animal Farm, 1984)
1907 J Hans D Jensen Germany, physicist (atomic nuclei-Nobel 1963)
1924 Sidney Lumet Phila, director (Group, Pawnbroker, Fail Safe)
1925 Clifton Chenier blues singer (Bayou Blues, Bon Ton Roulet)
1925 June Lockhart NYC, actr (Lassie, Lost in Space, Petticoat Junction)
1925 Robert Venturi US, architect (Levittown NY, Las Vegas)
1933 Gary Crosby Calif, actor (Bill Dana Show, Adam 12, Chase)
1942 Patrick Michael Mitchell Ottawa, one of FBI's most wanted
1942 Willis Reed basketball hall-of-famer center (NY Knicks)
1945 Carly Simon NYC, singer (Anticipation, You're So Vain)
1949 Jimmie Walker Bronx NY, comedian (JJ-Good Times, At Ease)
1949 Phyllis George-Brown Denton Tx, Miss America (1971)/sportscaster
1963 George Michael England, rocker (Wham-I Want Your Sex)
1963 Mike Myers Canada, comedian (SNL-Wayne's World)
1979 Brandi Lynn Burkhardt, Miss Maryland Teen USA (1997)



Deaths which occurred on June 25:
1142 Gulielmus of Vercelli, Italian hermit/monastery founder/saint, dies
1212 Simon de Montfort a leader of the crusades, dies at 67
1483 Edward V, king of England (Apr 9-Jun 25, 1483), murdered
1876 Boston Custer, brother of George Custer, dies at Little Bighorn
1876 George A Custer, US general (Little Bighorn), dies at 36
1876 John Patton, trumpeter, dies at Little Bighorn
1876 Lame White Man, Cheyenne, dies at Little Bighorn
1876 Myles Keogh, US officer, dies at Little Bighorn
1876 Thomas W Custer, brother of George Custer, dies at Little Bighorn
1906 Architect Stanford White shot dead atop Madison Square Garden which he designed by Harry Thaw jealous husband of Evelyn Nesbit
1956 Alfred C Kinsey, US zoologist/sexologist, dies at 62
1956 Ernest J King, US fleet admiral/Chief of Naval Operations, dies at 77
1959 Charles Starkwether executed
1960 Walter Baade astronomer, dies
1962 Ephraim Lisitsky, Hebrew poet, dies
1976 Johnny Mercer, US songwriter (That Old Black Magic), dies at 66
1988 Axis Sally, [Mildred E Gillars], US nazi propagandist (WW II), dies
1995 Warren Earl Burger, Supreme Court Justice, dies of heart failure at 78
1997 Jacques-Yves Cousteau, Fren oceanographer, dies of heart attack at 87
1997 William Lyle Woratzeck, convicted killer, executed in Ariz at 51
2003 Lester Maddox (87), segregationist and former Georgia governor (1967-1970), dies


GWOT Casualties

Iraq
25-Jun-2003 4 | US: 4 | UK: 0 | Other: 0
US Lance Corporal Gregory E. MacDonald Hillah Hostile - vehicle accident
US Specialist Andrew F. Chris Baghdad Hostile - hostile fire
US Sergeant 1st Class Gladimir Philippe Balad Hostile - hostile fire
US Private 1st Class Kevin C. Ott Balad Hostile - hostile fire

Afghanistan
06/25/03 Retzer, Thomas E. 1st Class Petty Officer 30 Navy Interior Communications Electrician, Navy SEAL Hostile fire Near Gardez, Afghanistan San Diego California

http://icasualties.org/oif/
Data research by Pat Kneisler
Designed and maintained by Michael White


On this day...
0253 St Lucius I begins his reign as Catholic Pope
0841 Charles the Bald and Louis the German defeat Lothar(Grandsons of Charlemagne) at Fontenay (For control of Frankish empire)
1096 1st Crusade slaughter Jews of Werelinghofen Germany
1139 Battle of Ourique: Afonso I defeats Moors
1178 5 Canterbury monks report something exploding on Moon
1580 Book of Concord, standards of Lutheran Church, 1st published
1630 Fork introduced to American dining by Gov Winthrop
1638 A lunar eclipse becomes the 1st astronomical event recorded in US
1672 1st recorded monthly Quaker meeting in US held, Sandwich, Mass
1667 Dr Jean-Baptiste Denys, French doctor, performs 1st blood transfusion
1749 General fast because of drought in MA
1788 Virginia becomes 10th state to ratify US constitution
1798 US passes Alien Act allowing president to deport dangerous aliens
1835 1st building constructed at Yerba Buena (now SF)
1857 Gustave Flaubert goes on trial for public immorality regarding his novel, Madame Bovary.
1862 Robert E. Lee commands the Confederate Army for the first time. (Seven Days Campaign)
1863 US General George Meade replaces General Hooker to be more aggressive
1864 Petersburg Campaign-Federals begin digging tunnels under Reb lines
1868 FL, AL, LA, GA, NC & SC readmitted to US
1870 The opera Die Walküre is produced (Munich)

1876 Custer & 7th Cavalry wiped out by Sioux & Cheyenne at Little Big Horn

1888 Republican Convention, in Chicago, nominates Benjamin Harrison
1903 Yanks & White Sox end deadlocked at 6-6 in 18
1910 Mann Act passed (no women across state lines for immoral purposes)
1919 1st advanced monoplane airliner flight (Junkers F13)
1921 Jack Hutchinson becomes 1st American to win golf's British Open
1924 K Reinmuth discovers asteroid #1023 Thomana
1929 Pres Hoover authorizes building of Boulder Dam (Hoover Dam)
1934 NY Yankee Lou Gehrig hits for the cycle beating White Sox 11-2
1935 Joe Louis defeats Primo Carnera at Yankee Stadium
1937 Cub Augie Galan becomes 1st player to switch hit HRs in a game
1938 Federal minimum wage law guarantees workers 40 cents per hour
1940 Adolf Hitler views Eiffel tower and grave of Napoleon in France
1941 FDR issues Executive Order 8802 forbidding discrimination
1941 Germans invade Dubno, Poland, and encouraged the Ukrainians to do whatever they want to 12,000 Jews living there
1942 Major General Dwight Eisenhower was appointed commander of US forces in Europe
1942 British RAF staged a 1,000 bomb raid on Bremen Germany (WW II)
1943 Crematory III at Birkenau, Poland, completed.
1943 Arthur Seyss-Inquart orders a mass arrest of Dutch physicians
1944 British assault Caen, Normandy...finally
1948 Joe Louis KOs Jersey Joe Walcott in 11 to reatain championship
1950 Israeli airline El Al begins service


1950 Korean conflict begins; N Korea invades S Korea


1951 1st color TV broadcast-CBS' Arthur Godfrey from NYC to 4 cities
1953 1st passenger to fly commercially around the world (100 hours)
1953 86ø F in Anchorage Alaska
1956 51 die in collision of "Andrea Doria" & "Stockholm" (Cape Cod)
1961 Iraq announces that Kuwait is a part of Iraq (Kuwait disagrees)
1961 Yankee's Roger Maris hits his 40th of 61 HRs

1962 Supreme Court rules NY school prayer unconstitutional

1966 Beatles' "Paperback Writer," single goes #1 & stays #1 for 2 weeks
1966 Kosmos 122, 1st Soviet weather satellite, launched
1967 Mohammed Ali (Cassius Clay) sentenced to 5 years
1967 400 million watch Beatles "Our World" TV special
1968 Bobby Bonds hits a grand slam in his 1st major league game (Giants)
1969 Longest tennis match in Wimbeldon history, Pancho Gonzalez beats Charles Pasarell in 112 game (5hr12m) marathon
1972 Berenice Gera becomes 1st female umpire in pro baseball
1973 John Dean begins testimony/lying before Senate Watergate Committee
1975 Mozambique gains independence from Portugal (National Day)
1977 Roy C Sullivan of Va is struck by lightening for 7th time! (Take the hint Roy!)
1981 Supreme Court upholds male-only draft registration, constitutional
1982 Porn star John Holmes acquitted on murder charges
1982 Sec of State Alexander Haig Jr resigns, replaced by Schultz
1983 Udo Beyer of East Germany sets record for shot put, 22.22 m
1987 Pope John Paul II receives Austrian Pres Kurt Waldheim
1989 1st US postmark dedicated to Lesbian & Gay Pride (Stonewall, NYC)
1990 120ø F in Phoenix Arizona
1990 NBC decides to air episodes of "Quantum Leep" for 5 straight days
1991 Slovenia & Croatia declare independence from Yugoslavia



1996 Khobar Towers attacked by terrorist homicide bomber. 105 suffer serious injuries, 23 Americans were killed. Ahmad Behbahani plans attack, Osama bin Laden bankrolls it.




1997 It's reported that a man from Rio Vista, Ca., was doing a good business selling the moon’s real estate. Dennis Hope was charging $15.99 for 1,777 acres of lunar land plus tax and shipping.
1997 Montserrat's Soufriere Hills Volcano, after lying dormant for 400 years, erupted, wiping out two-thirds of the Caribbean island.
1998 US Supreme Court reject a 1997 line-item veto law as unconstitutional
1998 US Supreme Court rules that “decency” can be considered in awarding federal arts grants
2000 US (goofy)Green party nominates Ralph Nader as its presidential candidate with running mate Winona LaDuke, an Ojibwe activist/nutcase from Minnesota.
2001 Pope John Paul II, on a visit to Ukraine, offered a prayer for Holocaust victims at Babi Yar.
2001 UN General Assembly convenes for a special 3-day session on AIDS. (Decide they are not in favor of it. World leader hail this as a great moment in international diplomacy)
2002 A federal judge in Alexandria, Va., refuses to accept a no-contest plea from Zacarias Moussaoui, accused of conspiracy in the Sept. 11 attacks, and instead entered an innocent plea on his behalf
2002 Moroccan authorities arrest three more people in a widening investigation into the Moroccan tendrils of al-Qaida, bringing the number of suspects held here to 10, including three Saudis.
2004 Pres. Bush stops in Ireland to meet with EU leaders, while on his way to Turkey for a summit with NATO leaders. Thousands of protesters/moral midgets demonstrated against his actions in Iraq, in ousting a murderous tyrant & psychopathic killer, and his gang of thugs.


Holidays
Note: Some Holidays are only applicable on a given "day of the week"

Gibraltar : Spring Bank Holiday
Mozambique : Independence Day (1975)
Virginia : Ratification Day (1788)
US : Take Your Dog To Work Day
National Sheriff's Week (Day 6)
National Log Cabin Day
Leon Day/Samtsirhc Day (Leon and Christmas spelled backwards)/6 mos opposite Xmas/people named Leon
Own Your Share of America Month (If the courts let you)


Religious Observances
Christian : Feast of St Prosper
RC : Commemoration of St William, abbot
Luth : Commemoration of the Augsburg Confession
Luth : Commemoration of Philipp Melanchthon, renewer of the Church


Religious History
1115 St. Bernard founded a monastery in Clairvaux, France. It afterward became a strategic center for the Cistercians, a religious order that flourished up until the Reformation.
1580 The German 'Book of Concord' was published, containing all the official confessions of the Lutheran Church. (English translations of the entire work were not available before 1851.)
1744 The first Methodist conference convened, in London. This new society within Anglicanism imposed strict disciplines upon its members, formally separating from the Established Church in 1795.
1865 English pioneer missionary J. Hudson Taylor founded the China Inland Mission. Its headquarters moved to the US in 1901, and in 1965 its name became Overseas Missionary Fellowship (OMF) International.
1957 During a convention in Cleveland, Ohio, the United Church of Christ (UCC) was formed by a merger of the Congregational Christian Church and the Evangelical and Reformed Church.

Source: William D. Blake. ALMANAC OF THE CHRISTIAN CHURCH. Minneapolis: Bethany House, 1987.


MEET KIRBY, THE... HUMAN PLANET
SMALL MOONS ORBIT FAT MAN

By Dick Siegel

VALHALLA, Md. -- Jackson Kirby, a short, 450- pound bank loan officer, was strolling down the street last week when two small, potato-shaped rocks suddenly flew at him.

"The neighborhood kids love to tease me because I'm so heavy," the 5-foot-2 Kirby told Weekly World News. "I thought someone was throwing things at me so I raised my arm to protect myself. But nothing happened. At least, not what I expected."

Peeking over his arm Kirby watched, amazed, as the rocks began floating around him. Thinking they were Nerfs or some kind of toy picked up by the wind, Kirby swatted at them and walked on.

The objects followed, circling him slowly, one around his chest and the other around his waist. Try as he might, Kirby was unable to shake them.

"I quickly realized they were rocks all right," he said. "They dented mail boxes, smacked a passing skateboarder and took down a low flying robin. Luckily, they also knocked down a cat that was stuck up a tree."

Understandably concerned, Kirby took a quick trip to the emergency room. There, Dr. David Peters diagnosed him as suffering from a unique physical malady known as Latitudinal Revolving Dependent.

"LaRD is what happens when an extremely dense object meets movable matter," Dr. Peters said. "Kirby's combination of great weight and compacted molecular structure has created a gravity field that attracted the small rocks."

The doctor prescribed a lead based salve to reduce the energy radiated by his body. "Unfortunately, the only cure is weight loss," said Dr. Peters. "Until then, Mr. Kirby will have to use the balm or put up with being a man-planet."

Although Kirby applied the salve, it did not get rid of the rocks. It simply reduced their altitude, dropping them around his knees. Flying at such a low height they clobbered innocent kittens and puppies, so Kirby discontinued the treatment.

By that time, however, Kirby had actually become rather fond of his travel buddies. He nicknamed the larger of the two moons "Beany," since it revolves at high speed around his expansive chest and hits the most people in the head.

He called the smaller moon "Cecil." It hugs Kirby's waist or 'equator' closely, making it less dangerous -- though it does make putting on a pair of pants difficult.

When Kirby returned to his office his cubicle became a swirling vortex of debris. Computers were smashed, coffee makers exploded, and several clients and co-workers were knocked out.

Jagged shards of glass from a shattered computer monitor briefly formed a Saturn-like ring system around the man-planet.

Bank management immediately issued hard hats and safety goggles to employees hoping to protect them from Kirby's twin moons. But employees were not happy.

"Working in close proximity to Kirby impacts our job performance -- AND our heads," teller Lee Brackett told us, his face wrapped in bandages. "You can't count change or cash a check with rocks constantly banging on the walls or glass partitions."

"My cubicle is near the water-cooler," complained account manager Herbie F. Fury. "It's a regular moon river. Try working on a spread-sheet with water spraying from cracks caused by those damn rocks."

"We're in a tough spot." admitted bank president Hamilton Edmonds. "We're facing lawsuits from both personal injury and potential man-planet discrimination.

"We asked Kirby to take a paid leave of absence until we could take time to sort it all out. He declined. You've got to admire the man's work ethic, if not his judgment."

"I like my job, and besides that, people depend on me," the man-planet insisted over lunch at his desk. He was sucking up spaghetti, the rocks passing harmlessly through the dangling strands.

"Plus, it's kinda neat to be stared at, even feared. Kids have stopped throwing things at me. My moons intercept all 'incoming' and return-to-sender at high velocity -- whomp!"

"Sure, Kirby can walk down the street in peace," said the heavily bandaged Lee Brackett. "But what about the rest of us? We're tired of being 'mooned' by the jerk."

"Kirby is just an oblivious fat idiot," Herbie F. Fury said angrily. "Forget those two moonlets. He thinks the whole world revolves around him."


Thought for the day :
"Do it right or don't do it at all."


1,046 posted on 06/25/2005 7:31:18 AM PDT by Valin (The right to do something does not mean that doing it is right.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Kathy in Alaska

Hot black coffee with Kathy before I head out to do the grocery shopping. :)

{{HUGS}}


1,047 posted on 06/25/2005 7:31:25 AM PDT by blackie (Be Well~Be Armed~Be Safe~Molon Labe!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 834 | View Replies]

To: Lady Jag

Great video!


1,048 posted on 06/25/2005 7:37:10 AM PDT by Mrs.Nooseman
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1043 | View Replies]

To: StarCMC

Thanks for the Sarge update.

In my prayers already.


1,049 posted on 06/25/2005 7:42:18 AM PDT by TASMANIANRED (Democrats haven't had a new idea since Karl Marx.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1037 | View Replies]

To: All

me


1,050 posted on 06/25/2005 7:48:38 AM PDT by Soaring Feather
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1049 | View Replies]

To: 68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub; MoJo2001; Fawnn; bentfeather; HiJinx; Radix; Spotsy; Diva Betsy Ross; ...

DJ SUNSHINE!

Music Requests Incoming!

Thank you to everyone that requested music!! Thank you Fawnn!

Tracy Ullman~They Don't Know

Genre: Pop/Rock

1,051 posted on 06/25/2005 7:52:12 AM PDT by laurenmarlowe
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lady Jag

Damn! Lady, that was awsome!


1,052 posted on 06/25/2005 7:53:49 AM PDT by acad1228 ("We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid" - Benjamin Franklin)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1043 | View Replies]

To: MoJo2001

OK, how 'bout some Chet Atkins? "Freight Train" and "Yakety Axe" come to mind (or other great things if you've got 'em)

How about Chubby Checker -the Twist
Or "Let's Go to the Hop"
Or "Sea Cruise"
Or 'You Can Call Me Al" by Paul Simon
Or something else great that you like!

I just got in from weeding carrots and potatoes - THANK YOU to all you military men and women who made it safe for me to do so!


1,053 posted on 06/25/2005 7:57:36 AM PDT by firerosemom ("Don't make Me come down there..." --- God)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: laurenmarlowe
I think I have a 45 of that song. I used to have a habit buying 45's back when I was in high school.

Music bump.

1,054 posted on 06/25/2005 7:59:27 AM PDT by E.G.C.
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1051 | View Replies]

To: E.G.C.
{{{HUGS, EGC!!!}}}

It is hot!


1,055 posted on 06/25/2005 7:59:57 AM PDT by Lady Jag (Honor - Dignity - Courage - Loyalty)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1045 | View Replies]

To: 68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub; Kathy in Alaska; Fawnn; bentfeather; HiJinx; tomkow6; Radix; Spotsy; ...


Music Incoming

Thank you for your request, Acad!

Carrie Underwood
 

Inside Your Heaven
(With Bo Bice)
 

God Bless The Broken Road
(with Rascal Flatts)

 


1,056 posted on 06/25/2005 8:00:41 AM PDT by StarCMC (Econ Grad. We will not forget. You're dooooooooooooomed!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1031 | View Replies]

To: Lady Jag

Whoa, chills here.



God be will our TROOPS.


1,057 posted on 06/25/2005 8:01:25 AM PDT by Soaring Feather
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1043 | View Replies]

To: StarCMC

Thank you Darlin!!!!!


1,058 posted on 06/25/2005 8:01:33 AM PDT by acad1228 ("We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid" - Benjamin Franklin)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1056 | View Replies]

To: StarCMC

Uhhh... there's nuthin' there?


1,059 posted on 06/25/2005 8:02:26 AM PDT by acad1228 ("We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid" - Benjamin Franklin)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1056 | View Replies]

To: Mrs.Nooseman
Great video!

Awesome!

1,060 posted on 06/25/2005 8:03:45 AM PDT by Lady Jag (Honor - Dignity - Courage - Loyalty)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1048 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 1,021-1,0401,041-1,0601,061-1,080 ... 1,921-1,934 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson