Posted on 06/09/2005 12:59:35 PM PDT by GSWarrior
It's simple. Some parents are just plain crazy. But few are as crazy as many soon-to- be parents, who, wrapped up in the fear and anticipation, the social status and expectations, go just plain mad. Mad as march hares with swollen ankles and morning sickness.
The following is a catalog of naming questions and suggestions posted on several different baby naming bulletin boards going back as far as early 2001. All entries are left unedited except for length.
As you will see, some parents-to-be have gone so far into the realm of baby-obsession they have lost track of the real, adult world. Their view is so skewed their only concerns are a) making their child "unique" and b) trying to keep the kid from being teased, often with terrible results.
Steel yourself, take a few deep breaths, click here, read and enjoy.
BOY NAMED SUE by Shel Silverstein My daddy left home when I was three, And he didn't leave much to Ma and me... Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze. Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid, But the meanest thing that he ever did Was before he left, he went and named me 'Sue'. Well, he must o' thought that is was quite a joke, And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk. It seems I had to fight my whole life through. Some gal would giggle and I'd get red, And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head. I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named 'Sue'. Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean, My fist got hard and my wits got keen. I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame. But I made me a vow to the moon and stars That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars, And kill that man that give me that awful name. Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July And I just hit town, and my throat was dry. I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew. At an old saloon on a street of mud, There at a table, dealing stud, Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me 'Sue'. Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had, And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye. He was big and bent and gray and old, And I looked at him and my blood ran cold, And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do! Now you gonna die!" Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes, And he went down, but, to my surprise, He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear. But I busted a chair right across his teeth And we crashed through the wall and into the street Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer. I tell ya, I've fought tougher men, But I really can't remember when, He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile. I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss, He went for his gun and I pulled mine first, He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile. And he said: "Son, this world is rough, And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough, And I know I wouldn't be there to help ya along. So I give ya that name and I said good-bye. I knew you'd have to get tough or die, And it's that name that helped to make you strong." He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight, And I know you hate me, and you got the right To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do. But ya ought to thank me, before I die, For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you 'Sue'." I got all choked up and I threw down my gun And I called him my pa, and he called me his son, And I come away with a different point of view. And I think about him, now and then, Every time I try and every time I win, And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him Bill or George! Anything but sue! I still hate that name!
I once worked with two women named Mercedes and Lexus. They were both about 5" and weighed easily 250lb. Their nick names were Mack and Peterbilt.
Which massage parlor did you work at?
</JOKE JOKE JOKE WARNING WILL ROBINSON JOKE JOKE JOKE>
They were the mail room droids.
I went to Jr. High with a boy named Sandy Claus. But that didn't compare with the girl in my Fresman class at UC Berkeley named Mary Beth Overfelt.
Justin Case - Melrose MA
Note to self: html not work in title of thread...
In high school I knew thie friend of a friend from anothe school in the district. His parents were old hippies and the named him Moonstar. On his 18th birthday he leaglly changed his name.
Richard Skinner
June Pease
Rusty Hooks
All these people were 50+ years old........
Doesn't everyone know a Richard Head? There was one in my barracks in the USMC.
I once worked with a girl whose surname was Carr.
She married after college a young man named Keyes.
She was going to be a professional person so she hyphenated the surnames.
Her name ended up Carr-Keyes.
I would have changed BOTH FIRST AND LAST NAMES!......
I have a friend who named his daughter Liberty Bell, though not Susie or Jane I think it is awesome.
Lance Boyle. Wilbraham, Mass.
In my hometown we had the Cox family....Harry, Joyce and Rusty, who for some reason had the nickname of Pudge.
She's been programmed to be free and easy, that's for sure.
</JOKE JOKE JOKE WARNING WILL ROBINSON JOKE JOKE JOKE>
The worst name to inflict on a boy? Bruthie...
I've got a southern friend who has a child on the way. If it's a boy, he has seriously proposed the first name Bo (no, not beau) and the middle name Hunter
My daughter and I have a running joke about a "list" of names she can NOT marry - I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings (because I'm sure you all have perfectly lovely family names) but the list includes anything that sounds remotely sexual like Cox/Kochs.....or Blackhead, Whitehead (again, just joking - hope I don't offend anyone)
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