Posted on 05/31/2005 6:37:36 PM PDT by firehat
IMHO (in my humble opinion)
AND OTHER UNPLEASANTRIES ©
By Norman Liebmann
In my humble opinion, the Pentagon has denied that it was American military that dropped any Moslem scripture into the Guantánamo plumbing, but adds, if the Strategic Air Command had dropped The Koran into a terrorist’s toilet it would have been from an altitude of forty thousand feet and would constitute an impressive demonstration of precision sacrilege.
In my humble opinion, since John McCain became its Senator the best thing that can be done with Arizona is to bury it in Nevada.
In my humble opinion, Bill Moyers spends most of his time at his computer trying to Ctrl/Alt/Delete the United States of America.
In my humble opinion, if the media dealt in numbers instead of words journalists would be called embezzlers.
In my humble opinion, Howard Dean’s lobotomy doesn’t seem to be healing properly.
In my humble opinion, everything that is a blessing in the Media is a curse in the Arts.
In my humble opinion, Arabs are armed vagrants.
In my humble opinion, both AIDS and lawyers have raised the price of sexual pleasure to where it is no longer worth the risk.
In my humble opinion, education at Howard University peaked with the riotous tribal celebration of the exoneration of that paragon of black virtue, O.J. Simpson, by a not very white jury.
In my humble opinion, the only slur not yet levied against The Washington Post is that it is as good as The New York Times.
In my humble opinion, putting Hillary in the White House would be tantamount to replacing a Clinton with a clitoris. Nothing else would change.
In my humble opinion, the difference between Einstein’s Theory of Relativity and The Border Patrol is, Einstein’s Theory of Relativity works because George Bush is not hamstringing it.
In my humble opinion, El Presidente Vicente Fox’s remark about blacks is now designated on maps of North America as The Goof of Mexico.
In my humble opinion, homosexuals want to run the world but they can’t even get their bodies on straight.
In my humble opinion, it was after returning from his honeymoon with Teresa Heinz that John Kerry was awarded The Purple Thing. He did not get it from the Navy - and it still requires medical attention.
In my humble opinion, Affirmative Action will collapse under the weight of its own illiteracy.
In my humble opinion, when Senator Robert Byrd gets all dressed up he looks like a torn colostomy bag.
In my humble opinion, at the Hanoi Hilton the North Vietnamese had a name for people like John McCain. They were called – “Trustees”.
In my humble opinion, when asked why he let his wife die of starvation, Michael Schiavo came up with the snappy answer, “Why not?” Who says this guy can’t think on his feet?
In my humble opinion, it is indefensible that Americans slumber while swarthy people all over the world conduct race wars against them.
In my humble opinion, the mullahs and ayatollahs have sold the world on the notion that their cities are holier than ours. This was determined centuries ago by nomads who had never seen a city, eaten with utensils, or used toilet paper, but assumed nobody else had either and so they declared themselves the ultimate arbiters of which is which.
In my humble opinion, Al Gore is living proof that when clowns hang around long enough, people begin to take them seriously. It also worked with Ronald McDonald and Al Sharpton.
In my humble opinion, if the Republicans in the Senate want to prove they have testicles, they’ll have to send out for them first.
In my humble opinion, George Voinovich may not be a girly-man, but if he cried his eyes out at San Quentin the way he did in the Senate, he would back into some interesting new relationships. Incidentally, the reason George Voinovich cried was not because of John Bolton, but because during the vote on Judge Priscilla Owen he broke down in tears because his name wasn’t Priscilla, too.
In my humble opinion, the way the White House conducts diplomacy with Arabs leaders is tantamount to reaching into a pool of piranhas and petting the ones that nibble the softest.
In my humble opinion, the one thing that is worse than discovering that something doesn’t work is discovering that it doesn’t work as advertised.
In my humble opinion, Monica Lewinsky might well have adapted Julius Caesar’s epigram to read, "I came. I saw. I swallowed."
In my humble opinion, liberalism is not a political philosophy. It’s just that Civilization decided to take a breather.
In my humble opinion, the people in West Virginia elected Robert Byrd to the Senate was when he impressed them with his ability to spell KKK backwards and as well as forwards.
In my humble opinion, if John Kerry been elected President he would have set in motion his only military strategy - to cut bait.
In my humble opinion, no matter where he goes, George Stephanopoulos is considered the Clinton Administration’s mascot. In fact, ABC still pays him in kibble.
In my humble opinion, at the networks the newsroom people have stopped calling them anchormen, and changed their designation to plank walkers.
In my humble opinion, for people who can’t reproduce themselves, gays spend a lot of time making believe that’s exactly what they’re doing.
In my humble opinion, when considering Chevy Chase, it’s better not to.
In my humble opinion, If Bill Clinton doesn’t fulfill his ambition to be Secretary Genital of the UN, he will still be eminently qualified to head up NATO (The North Atlantic Treason Organization).
In my humble opinion, Dr. Frist has found the way to deal with cancer is to try to get it to compromise. Incidentally, you would be wise not to choose Dr. Frist to do any invasive surgery, because after he opens up your abdomen, the first thing he does is throw in the towel.
In my humble opinion, gay sailors aboard aircraft carriers are just as good at getting airborne as the pilots. You just have to touch them in the right places.
In my humble opinion, it’s a lamentable state of affairs when the Democrats in the Senate can make shmucks out of the Republicans without Bill Clinton’s help.
In my humble opinion, when Kofi Annan gets all dressed up he looks like a crooked slot machine.
In my humble opinion, Mara Liasson is the media’s number one exponent of semi-disguised, nevertheless unmistakable, bimbo liberalism
In my humble opinion, the Senate most closely resembles a whorehouse in that it is important the participants get together, but unimportant who wins.
In my humble opinion, The Vagina Monologues confirmed that feminists can talk through something besides their hats.
In my humble opinion, Jeff Birnbaum’s observations cannot be confined within the parameters of ordinary garden variety stupidity - or measured by it.
In my humble opinion, John Donne was mistaken in his belief that “No man is an island”, or Texaco would already have sunk an oil well in him.
In my humble opinion, the Bill Clinton flame is beginning to flicker languidly. It is hoped the time-worn axiom “A fool and his money are soon parted”, will soon be adjusted to read - A fool and his legacy are soon departed.
In my humble opinion, the problem with guns is they cost too much.
In my humble opinion, it’s just possible that John Kerry’s election chances were sunk by that saccharine account of him giving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to his daughter’s hamster.
In my humble opinion, Bill and Hillary haven’t changed. They are still the Shrek and the Shriek.
***
Bump!
Great to see you back!
Great! Laughed so hard my dog, Lola, came into the room to see what was up. I showed her this and she is now on the floor lying on her back laughing hysterically with her paws in the air!
Ditto! Ditto! This is a wonderful read and I loved every word of it!
Byrd getting elected because he could spell KKK backwards and forwards is one of the best! :)
Norm Bump.
WELCOME BACK!!!!
Well, look who's back :-)
Dan
(c8
Biblical Christianity BLOG
GAAAAH! Of course, with THREE w's!!!
]c8<
Welcome Back, Norm.
You've been missed.
;)
Done. Thanks.
Missed you, bump!
YEP.
I loved it!
Excellent, Newbie! :)
It's good to see a post from you.
I remember enjoying your threads when I was a lurker, quite some time ago.
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