Why I'm not a 'South Park Conservative', by Michelle Malkin

Townhall.com ^ | May 4, 2005 | Michelle Malkin

[OESY]

I'll get to First Lady Laura Bush's bawdy stand-up routine in a minute. But I want to highlight a related new book out about how young conservatives are shaking up the dominant liberal media culture. It's called "South Park Conservatives." My name is listed on the cover along with many other (mostly) right-leaning pundits, websites, and bloggers, but I must confess to having mixed feelings about the honor.

The best-selling book's author, Brian C. Anderson of the Manhattan Institute, writes a fun, breezy survey documenting the rise of talk radio, FOX News, the Internet, conservative publishing, and college Republican activism. Anderson's chapter on the success of conservative talk radio and the abysmal failure of liberal Air America to replicate it is incisive. Another chapter on the blogosphere (alone worth the price of the book) gives readers a useful history of the explosion of news, opinion, and political websites that have smashed the left-wing media monopoly.

But how did such a wide-ranging list of individuals and organizations -- Anderson's book cover includes the names of conservative-leaning Internet pioneer Matt Drudge and center-left journalist Mickey Kaus, the libertarian Tech Central Station, the culturally conservative WorldNetDaily, political upstart Arnold Schwarzenegger and political chameleon Andrew Sullivan, plus Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham, and myself, along with a feature blurb from Jonah Goldberg -- all get lumped under the umbrella term "South Park Conservatives"?

Anderson argues that Comedy Central's cartoon series "South Park" embodies the "fiercely anti-liberal comedic spirit" of the "new media" from Kaus to Coulter. The cartoon, he writes, reflects a "post-liberal counterculture" that is "particularly appealing to the young, however much it might offend older conservatives."

Well, I'm 34 and no fan of "South Park." I have many good friends who are indeed huge boosters of the show, but I find that the characters' foul language overwhelms any entertainment I might otherwise derive from the show's occasional, right-leaning iconoclastic themes.

"South Park" may be "politically incorrect." But "politically incorrect" is not always a synonym for "conservative."

My discomfort with "South Park's" increasingly mainstream vulgarity is not a matter of nitpicking. We're not just talking about a stray curse word here or there. As liberal New York Times columnist Frank Rich points out, "South Park" "holds the record for the largest number of bleeped-out repetitions (162) of a single four-letter expletive in a single television half-hour." That's probably about the same number of profanities uttered at John Kerry's infamous New York City celebrity fundraiser last summer, which Republicans rightly condemned for its excessive obscenities.

Rich is wrong about most things, but he's painfully on target in noting the incongruous pandering now taking place by some in the cool-kids clique on the Right. Conservatives criticize Hollywood relentlessly, but as Rich notes, "the embarrassing reality is that they want to be hip, too."

Which brings me to Mrs. Bush. She demonstrated at the celebrity-studded White House Correspondents' Dinner this weekend that you can entertain without being profane. Most of her humor was just right: Edgy but not over the edge. But her off-color stripper and horse jokes crossed the line. Can you blame Howard Stern for feeling peeved and perplexed? And let's face it: If Teresa ("I'm cheeky!") Heinz Kerry had delivered Mrs. Bush's First Lady Gone Mildly Wild routine, social conservative pundits would be up in arms over her bad taste and lack of dignity.

The First Lady resorting to horse masturbation jokes is not much better than Whoopi Goldberg trafficking in dumb puns on the Bush family name. It was wholly unnecessary.

Self-censorship is a conservative value. In a brilliant commencement speech at Hillsdale College last year, Heritage Foundation president Ed Feulner called on his audience to resist the coarsened rhetoric of our time: "If we are to prevail as a free, self-governing people, we must first govern our tongues and our pens. Restoring civility to public discourse is not an option. It is a necessity."

Lighten up, you say? No thanks. I'd rather be a G-rated conservative who can only make my kids giggle than a "South Park"/"Desperate Housewives" conservative whose goal is getting Richard Gere and Jane Fonda to snicker. Giving the Hollyweird Left the last laugh is not my idea of success.

[Darksheare]

Cool!

Patches was at the local bird shop, and he'd 'taken' to the shop owner, couldn't be owned by anyone else.
But he did love company, oddly enough.
Wish I'd had the money at the time, I'd have grabbed one in a heartbeat considering Patches was a hoot.
"Here kitty kitty kitty kitty!" coming from a bird was hysterical.
That, and he'd say odd stuff once in a blue moon.


What was really impressive was when he was wooing some poor lady who walked in.
Patches stood bolt upright, stared at the lady for a few minutes, and then started this waving crest displaying dance.
When she didn't appear to notice, he got down from his cage top and started the figure 8 head roll at her feet.
Then he shoulder bumped her ankles, scaring the bejeebers out of her.

He was a card though, and handsome the way Umbrella Tooos go.

[Howlin]

You were so offended at her tasteless, inappropriate, and completely unnecessary remarks that you........what?...........insinuated she was a whore?

Why don't you explain to me why that makes you better than what you think she is?

Explain how you're morally superior to her.

[dirtboy]

Found this snippet of lyrics:

“Second-hand clothes,
I’m wearing second-hand
clothes.
They’re all the thing in spring
fashion shows.
Even my new trench coat with
fur collar,
Ronnie bought for 10 cents on
the dollar ...”

[Celtjew Libertarian]

Well, I DID tell my daughter that she cannot get her ears double-pierced until she is 18.

Yeah, but you woudn't disown her, if she did then.

I would like a tattoo, and I am 44. However, I am not allowed to get one.

My wife doesn't want one. But if I told her she wasn't allowed to get a tattoo, she'd go out and get one.

[TASMANIANRED]

I love those old flicks.

[Howlin]

and would hope that your adversaries were big enough to do the same when their own make out-of-line remarks. I won't hold my breath however.

Nobody on the other side said anything NEAR what he said; the words "penis," "Jerking off," "masturbation," "white trash," and "whore" were ALL being posted by those claiming to be so damn offended.

[azGOPgal]

GASP!!! The Beatles? How dare you?!

I think it's a two way street. Each side needs to understand the other and meet in the middle. The party can't move forward if it doesn't embrace the younger generation or those that tend to be a little less 'conventional.'

Here's what I think: As we go through our youth, we're experimental and more exposed to 'uncouth' behaviour. But as we get older and we get set in our ways, some people start to become close-minded and can't accept that others don't fit into our little cookie cutter personality.

Why is it so difficult to understand that some people have a sense of humor that shouldn't be displayed on Sesame Street? And that's exactly why Laura Bush didn't tell those jokes to Big Bird and Elmo.

I'm not sure if I'm making complete sense. The brain is boggled with finals.

[new cruelty]

Thank you for going through the trouble of finding and posting the article.

[TASMANIANRED]

I think part of Michelle's problem is she is a young mother.

Most Mom's have a stage where they are hypersensitive about
words and images marking their precious babies for life.

[new cruelty]

You might want to post that article in its own thread.

[tiamat]

No, I would not disown my daughter.

She is my Wealth...my Gift From Heaven. How could I ?

:-)

I'd just cry.

A lot.

In front of her.

Because I am Evil.

[Constitution Day]

Well, isn't that special.

I see you posted at #666.
Who made you do that?

Could it be...
SATAN?

:)

[TASMANIANRED]

I loved the Guide to the Galaxy but I am not going to spend one red cent until you give it your stamp of approval.

[dirtboy]

Where did I say that Nancy Reagan's song and dance routine contained sexual innuedo?

I asked if what Laura said would have been appropriate twenty or forty years ago. You pointed to Nancy's skit and said yes, apparently it was. But Nancy's skit wasn't anything like what Laura said - so it isn't a benchmark for which to compare whether Laura's statements would have been acceptable back then.

You have one thing on your mind- sex.

You sound like the Clintonistas, getting after Ken Starr for going after what Clinton did in the Oval Office, when Clinton made the investigation about Clinton's sex life.

Laura Bush is the one who made the risque jokes. Don't blame us for having to discuss them on that level, WHEN SHE'S THE ONE WHO BROUGHT THE TOPIC TO THE TABLE.

[tomkat]

My comments were out of line--as were the first lady's.

IOW - "I was wrong, but it's your fault"

You're truly pathetic.

[TASMANIANRED]

Didn't ole Victoria have 10 kids.

[TASMANIANRED]

Didn't ole Victoria have 10 kids.

[EveningStar]

Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
I’ve been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man’s soul and faith
And I was ’round when jesus christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
I stuck around st. petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain
I rode a tank
Held a general’s rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the gods they made
I shouted out,
Who killed the kennedys?
When after all
It was you and me
Let me please introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reached bombay
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what’s confusing you
Is just the nature of my game
Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me lucifer
’cause I’m in need of some restraint
So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I’ll lay your soul to waste, um yeah
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, um mean it, get down
Woo, who
Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah
Oh yeah!
Tell me baby, what’s my name
Tell me honey, can ya guess my name
Tell me baby, what’s my name
I tell you one time, you’re to blame
Ooo, who
Ooo, who
Ooo, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Oh, yeah
What’s me name
Tell me, baby, what’s my name
Tell me, sweetie, what’s my name
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Oh, yeah

[azGOPgal]

I guess that was a huge generality. Partly because that's what I experience at county meetings. But you are correct, even some of the older ones can get just as rowdy as the young uns. And some of the young uns are way up on their high horse.

[farmer18th]

Why don't you explain to me why that makes you better than what you think she is?

Howlin, you appear to have appointed yourself the Swiss Guard for the Holy Mother here, but you would be better off discussing the matter at hand: there is really no excuse for making strip-joint jokes at your husband's expense. That marks a new low for Republican first families. It's about that simple.