*** Our 2nd Quarter '05 FReepathon is Underway!! Thread No. 2!! ***

Quick! Here's a place waiting for you to call it home.

THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don't fret about it... She moved in with me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder... "What the hell was I thinking?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How could two people as beautiful as you Have such an ugly baby? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you .. I've changed my mind. -------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------- Imust admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you. //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me. #################################################### Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go... Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again. ******************************************************************************** Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only inTennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Happy birthday! You look great for your age. Almost Lifelike! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise. //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// We have been friends for a very long time .. let's say we stop? +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ I'm so miserable without you it's almost like you're here. ===================================================== Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was? %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday. So we're having you put to sleep. ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay. ---------------------------------

No way. That place needs yard work!

Here is the one I bought!

beachy: See Post #95. You have that original "baby Moses parting the bathtub water" cartoon, don't you?

Thank you
Israel, California, Minnesota
Pennsylvania, California, Washington
Texas, Florida, Hawaii, Maryland
Maryland, Montana, Wisconsin

Thank you J

2 3 % ! ! !

Thank you
Michigan, Texas, New York, Texas
Virginia, Never Never Land
Massachusetts, Pennsylvania
New Jersey, Georgia, Pennsylvania
New Jersey, Never Never Land, Maryland
Never Never Land, New York, Texas

Wow - the front yard is as purty as a golf course.

Don't mess with Grandma

This is a true story. An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station.. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.

He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed. If you're going to have a Senior Moment, make it a memorable one!

You are very welcome, sir...MUD

Just in:

$50 from Never Never Land
$50 from Arizona
$20 from Never Never Land
$20 from South Carolina

Thank you FReepers and Lurkers!!

I had the one of Moses fishing and parting the water. I found this one. Is this it?

Once I'd parked my car beside a carryout to where I had to walk up past the rear of my car during my return trip to it.

On the way back to the car, I saw a rust spot I hadn't noticed before. I stopped and rubbed my thumb back and forth over it to see how bad it was. Satisfied that it wasn't too bad, I walked over and opened the driver's side door. Then, just as I was about to get in the car, I noticed that it had cloth seats. Mine has leather. (Old car; but nice seats.)

You ever try to nonchalantly close a car door? ;)

My car was parked one car up from that one.

Yes! Thanks!!!

Thank you
Never Never Land, Arizona
Never Never Land, South Carolina

Ouch! Those could really hurt a someone.

(But, very funny if you're not the someone.)