My Pregnant Wife: An Unexpected Target in the Culture Wars

Vanity ^ | 2 Apr 05 | gobucks

[gobucks]

"Don't you dare guilt your wife into having a natural childbirth!", I am told by a nice woman I know at church. I have known this lady for some time, and we have never talked politics. Suddenly, my wife is hot political topic #1. And though the politics are 'under the radar', my wife is clearly a target in the ongoing cultural war.

Until my wife started to dramatically enlarge during this last trimester, comments like these had been few. Now, it is a torrent. "What hospital? What OB? You are getting an epidural, right? What brand of formula do you plan to use (as if we will collapse immediately into the arms of the Enfamil salesman)? You are not going to breast feed too long, are you? Are you on a waiting list yet for infant day care?"

My wife and I, married over 10 years with all kinds of issues associated with getting pregnant are about to be parents of a boy in a few weeks. We are of course, thrilled and overjoyed.

But the political overtones of how we bring him into the world are just unreal. The unending stream of opinion and advice about it, with over 95 percent of it being something like this: "don't be stupid. Get the epidural." We have yet to have a single woman report to us that having her baby in a fully undrugged state was a good idea.

Why is labor today so terrifying for women? Why is it that husbands are being taught that encouraging a woman to experience a full unmedicated delivery is akin to treating her like a barbarian? Heck, I've told my wife I am not the one having the baby, and thus, I'm not about to dictate to her how it should be done; I simply said I like the idea of natural childbirth and that is it. Why is this so politically incorrect? Why are hordes of women pouring out of the woodwork yelling at us to make sure she gets the drugs, the epidural?

What the heck is going on such that bringing a child into the world has to be so .... upsetting?

And these are women at my church! I can just imagine what a hapless secular woman in some lonely cul-de-sac must endure.

I'm a typical Chistian man with a very pregnant wife. I have an atypical enthusiasm for most things associated with FreeRepublic. I'm looking for reports from any of you husbands (or their wives) out there have experienced the kind of unreal cultural pressure my wife and I have undergone as this last trimester winds down.

I have googled around, looking for articles about this - and it is just about nada. Mostly stuff on teen pregnancy and abortion. Zilch regarding ordinary married folks who are being pressured to have a 'modern' birth experience.

I'm I the only one who is seeing how a pregnant woman is somehow a political lightning rod these days?

[ladyL]

Wisdom and well said.

[ShadowDancer]

Apparently childbirth hurts

Not really. We all just have a secret pact to tell you that to get attention. It's virtually pain free.

[WorkingClassFilth]

A lot of the families I know would look at people asking those kind of questions to be from another planet. Not a few of the women deliver with midwives and, of course, breast feeding is the norm. Daycare? Them's fightin' words. I think you may be amongst culturally brainwashed folks. Personally, I'd tell such folks to talk a long walk on a short pier. The real birth process and family life is still very much alive - but it sure ain't PC.

[Proud 2BeTexan]

DANCER!!!! We're going to kick you out of the club if you keep telling the secrets!!!!!!!

This has been a really fun thread - nice way to start off a Saturday morning.

[EternalVigilance]

Thanks for the post.

After the week I've had, I needed a reminder that real life goes on. And birthin' babies is about as real as it gets. I was there for the arrival of every one of mine, and wouldn't trade that for anything.

Congratulations to both of you!

[hoosierpearl]

This is the last little bit of wisdom from me. My two undrugged babies were very alert after they were born and not sleepy. We had a wonderful time with them in recovery.
The oldest was in a quiet alert state, just looking all around and fixed his eyes on his father. My husband was in a state, what do I do now?
The youngest had some problems with delivery, swallowed fluid in the birth canal, was born sputtering and angry. The nurse [who was not helpful or kind to me] was trying to clean him up and he urinated right in her face. That's my son! With us, the short time we had him in recovery, he was quiet and alert and watching us when we spoke to him.

And, the biggest surprise of all to me, labor was intense the last small part of it, and when the baby was born, the discomfort and pain stopped immediately. Don't know why it surprised me but it did. There was another contraction for the umbilical cord but that was it.

God bless, hope you and your wife have a good experience. If she's been taking good care of herself during pregnancy that will help the delivery a lot.

[Bushforlife]

I think individualization IS the key. My wife and have have six kids. The first two were the "standard" stadol [a narcotic] at 5 cm of cervical dilation , and an epidural at 8cm. She had very little discomfort in those deliveries. On the third occasion, she decided to forego both the drug and the epidural, so as "to see what it is really like". [I might add that my wife, although only 5' 4" and 120 pounds, is the toughest person I have ever met. She passes kidney stones frequently at home without medication and without interrupting her daily routine and reports such observations as "that one hurt a little bit" after each is over]. After that so-called natural delivery, she reported that there WAS somewhat more pain than with the first two deliveries, but "not a whole LOT more" [and that was in sync with my observations of her during those deliveries. At one point, when she was fully dilated in that third labor, a woman down the hall was loudly screaming with each contraction. My wife, who was crowning at the time, looked up at me and stated a few times, "Oh that poor lady".] She subsequently with the final two deliveries reverted back to the drugs and epidural, and the reason she gave was in her opinion it was pointless not to take advantage of those measures and spare herself that extra pain.
I believe the bottom line is that we are all individuals with the right to hoe our own row. We all have a right to various beliefs as a variety of health related subjects, ranging from health foods to chiropractic services to natural delivery. My response when someone extols the virtues of organic foods, or chiropractic manipulation, or natural delivery [none of which i personally believe in] is to express that I am happy that it works for them. And then hoe my own row.

[mollynme]

The epidural affects the baby

Digging into my distant memory here but I believe that very little of an epidural actually makes it across the blook/brain barrier and into the blood stream to get to the baby. It's the IV meds that tend to effect the babies.

[davis99]

My ob-gyn is the mother of 3 young boys and wife to a surgeon husband. Her surgeon husband told her after they had their first son, that giving birth without pain control would be like him telling one of his patients to "focus" while he did a hernia repair.

Still makes me laugh when I think about how she said that.

I had an epidural - don't know how I would have made it through a long labor without it. I didn't have any expectations of doing it with or without pain control, if I needed it, I could get it.

I have friends who had their babies after a very short labor - no drugs. That is cool too, but I couldn't have done it.

[Eagle Eye]

My only advice to you is to remove all rings from your hands when your wife is in labor.

Trust me, she will have a crushing grip and the rings will cause excruciating pain and she won't care about it because of what she's feeling.

It took me three times before learing for the fourth one.

[Androcles]

You spelled epople wrong.

That's what you think. Dan Brown assured me that my version is right and free of the Catholic/Freemason/Insert organisation here groups... bias. Next the Atlantean astronauts will contact me and ...oh dear, I've already said too much..

[It's me]

I've had five babies. They ranged from 9 pounds to 12 pounds 1-1/2 oz.

The only one I had an epidural with was the 4th child, the 9 pound one. And only because the doc persisted because the baby was induced.

What a disappointment. I felt as if I cheated.
Yes, the pain is intense but the joy felt immediately afterward is indescribable.

Congratulations! Go with what your wife wants and tell the old biddies to mind their own business!

[Bushforlife]

"Just like to see a man go thru Childbirth once...Natural childbirth. what fun that would be. Have given birth and passed a few kidney stones. As bad as Kidney stones hurt....they never made me feel like I was going to die of pain...as Childbirth did."



My wife reports that stones hurt worse than childbirth without drugs, from personal experience. It's all perceptual and individual.

[It's me]

Back in September we had our 5th. Then came the "are you just going to keep having them!!"comments. Or the ever so lovely "are all those yours!?!?!?" But, my favorite is "don't you know how that happens?"

---

My response was, "Yes, and we enjoy it so much we can't stop!"

That usually shut them up real fast and embarrasses them.

[It's me]

I think that if a woman and her husband educate themselves about the labor and delievery process then they know what to expect and it is not as frightening. Our society has become too over-medicated. No wonder people are pressuring you.

---

Amen to that!

[Nea Wood]

Interesting how the tide has turned. Used to be, women were pressured the other way. If they didn't have natural childbirth, they were made to feel like selfish wimps who had subjected their babies to harm.

Each pregnancy is different. The busybodies should mind their own business.

[John Robertson]

I think you should adjust your premise, a bit. And your approach.

First, the nonepidural approach presumes that no woman ever had any relief during delivery throughout history. Not true (didn't you ever see a woman in a movie giving birth, biting down on a rag real hard--just kidding!). The epidural might seem extreme, but it is really just the most recent method of blunting the pain of birth, following many less efficacious methods throughout history (the others I'm talking about were herbal, or concoctions, etc.). Granted, it might be overkill--we might have gone so far.

But: where are you on "natural" tooth extraction? How about "natural" surgery? You are aware that both of these were done at one time with no anesthesia? Were those who endured them noble...or just unlucky?

I would suggest the approach my wife and I used: We're going for natural, Doctor. And we'd also like you to have the syringe ready for the epi the second my wife says, Enough, give it to me! You can have it both ways, that way.

That happened with our first child, 20 years ago. We went in, all Lamaze'd and prepped...went through three, four hours of breathing and (her) pain...and then called for the epi.

More than a few people have said that all that's necessary to have a happy child is for them to know they have the unconditional love of their parents. Believe me, he won't come back in a few years and blame you for not going all natural.

Your breastmilk approach is very wise, as many studies have shown that kids given it for as long as possible are so much healthier, in so many ways, than nonbreastmilk kids, including ways that last through life.

If you're first-time parents, you should also be aware that you tend to examine every aspect of the process with an astounding minuteness, out of concern, and also out of a little bit of healthy fear.

All will be fine. I can tell that from the tone of your post.

[Clara Lou]

But why is it that nearly all women, and their husbands, are being taught that labor pain MUST be drugged away?
First, speaking from mulitple experiences, an epidural is about as effective as taking aspirin for the pain. Second, what benefits, exactly, do you see in your wife fully experiencing the pain of childbirth?

[RepoGirl]

This is interesting, and was entirely NOT my experience.

I am 5' tall, with the basic body shape of one of those little east german gymnasts. You know the type: we look like female silverback gorillas. Big shoulders, no hips.

Now, my labor was 36 hours. Regardless of the amount of Pitocin I was pumped full of, I was only dilated 3 centimeters.

Still, every labor nurse or female doctor I encountered was bound and determined that I experience the only TRUE female experience there is--natural child birth. Didn't matter that after 20 frikkin' hours I was screaming to be cut open. No, the ardent feminazis were really pressuring me in this sick, demented estrogen tag-team.

Finally, it took a MALE obgyn to realize that there was no way my daughter was coming out the natural way, so he prepped me for a c-section.

Oh, and as far as the whole pain thing goes. I say a hearty F-U to anyone who says its no big deal. We don't live in the middle ages and we have access to all these wonderful new technologies and drugs.

Two hundred years ago, I would have died and so would my daughter. Who cares how my great-great grandmother did it.

[joylyn]

As you can see from all the replies this post has generated, everyone in the world is an expert on childbirth and parenting, just as we are all experts on sex. My adivce is: grin and bear it. Rude though it may be, people just can't resist giving unasked for advice.