Posted on 03/16/2005 3:28:28 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece
The high percentage of marriages that end in divorce has created a new trend; many men are planning financially for their divorce before they even get married.
A recent survey conducted by the Indiana Family Institute (IFI) found that 79% of men who are engaged to be married worry that their marriage will end in divorce and they will be ruined financially. As a result, more than half of these men admitted to setting up secret nest eggs in case their fears become reality.
“Some people believe this is the height of pessimism, but to me it makes perfect sense,” says Dr. Phillip Haus, director of the study, “Many of these men are professionals who have worked hard for their success and don’t want to start from scratch if the woman they marry turns out to be a total witch to live with.”
Haus says the most common way engaged men plan for the worst is by setting up a savings account in the name of a relative they trust who has had a long, sound marriage so their funds will be safe. This way once the joint assets are divided after a divorce, they will have a little something extra to fall back on.
“Let’s face it,” added Haus, “The man is the one who almost always get screwed over when a divorce occurs. Even though he usually made more money than the woman in the marriage, he loses the house, and ends up paying child support since the woman will get custody of their offspring. This new trend just provides him with a little insurance so he can enjoy a decent standard of living.”
Some men go to even greater lengths to secure their futures. “We had a few cases where engaged men told us they gave a good portion of their belongings to friends or relatives for safe keeping. One man admitted buying a house in his gay cousin’s name so he would have a place to live if things didn’t work out. This shows the sad state of relationships and the impact of divorce in this country.”
Haus believes the trend of setting up divorce nest eggs will continue. “As long as there is divorce, there will be people trying to beat the system.”
Man, you'd better trust that relative and HIS wife.
...just one of the symptoms of a bad attitude going in.
Not at all. The divorce system is NOT a pain from the female side - it's filled with incentives. The only way this could be a deterrent is to get rid of the "no-fault" divorce. Let the person who strays, leaves, or creates a hostile environment for the spouse pay.
The way it is now, women more than likely get custody (and therefore child support, whether or not it goes toward the child's benefit), a LOT of property (usually including the house, especially when there are children), plus alimony (whenever they can). That's quite a benefit package for the unfaithful woman.
For the unfaithful man... There's the poor house.
Anyone who enters marriage like this is one to avoid. Male or Female, to enter marriage with contingencies is really a dealbreaker if you ask me.
That said, everyone should be prepared to support himself or herself. That is different from having a secret stash.
We have health insurance, car insurance, home insurance...all just in case things don't go as planned. The more you have to lose, the more insurance you should have. Romantic? Nope. But how much of your day to day existence is all about romance? Stuff happens.
No matter how well you know someone, there are always a few doubts. People experience life grow and change...sometimes in different directions. It's not romantic to think about such things, but then, there's not much about a divorce lawyer that's romantic either.
Pre-nups are not the stuff of romance, that's for sure. But being able to talk about everything in a relationship...even what to do if the relationship ends, seems more healthy.
I realize most states require that insurance policies cover only fortuitious events, but I wonder how long before it comes to "divorce insurance." In fact, I wonder if Rush Limbaugh has such coverage....though he is a very high risk.....
You're right. Having a secret stash of cash is very different than pre-nups. Keeping secrets (other than "well...yeah, maybe your butt does look a little fat in those jeans") is no way to make a relationship work.
Not only a prenup be good but possible setup your assets in a trust to where she cannot get access to it. A trust is not for executives/elite only but can be used by ordinary people as well. I'm divorced myself and if I get married again, I will do these items.
Although most people internally probably think this is cynical, which it is, it is reality based on a common experience, men getting F'ed by the court system!
BUMP
A different problem we face but I would be interested in what others think.
Say, the bride is from a well to do family, not rich, just monied. Groom is from no money at all.
Does Bride's parent leave money to the pair or to the daughter. I think, given all my daughters are married to men I love, that I would leave money to the couple. I know they all share, have joint accounts, are decent people. Others tell me I am nuts. But somehow I see them as "couples" rather than my child married to someone. It just feels wrong to treat the husbands as people who aren't related to me even though I consider them sons.
I guess the two in the marriage would see it from their own perspective, and self-focused nature. However, I'd like to suggest that it's really the children who suffer the most in divorce.
Does anybody know of any prenups that are put in place as a deterrent to divorce? Right now, the system tends to reward the wife if she wants out of the marriage. Is it possible to place within a prenup the terms of settlement related to unfaithfullness? I am a pastor and would find such a tool helpful as a way moving away from no-fault divorce to covenant marriage.
Do you plan on having a house? If so, will you buy insurance for it? Does having insurance mean that you are counting on having it burn down?
Look at it this way: if the marriage doesn't work out, then he was right to do it. If the marriage lasts until retirement, you have a better retirement than you thought you would.
In real life, the husband would eventually liquidate the nest egg.
The problem with your logic is that you're comparing divorce with an accident, and it never is accidental. Someone is always at fault.
I'm not married yet, so please don't confuse me with an expert, but marriage is a commitment that both parties must conciously adhere to, regardless of how they feel from time to time. When they say their vows, they say, "For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." They don't add on, "or if she burns the toast."
I will not ask for a prenup, and I expect the same from my future wife.
Example: My friends wife files for divorce stating she doesn't love my friend anymore.
She moves out and takes the kids. My friend, having done nothing wrong assumes they can make it work (they have two kids, the oldest is hers from a different man, but he was raised by my friend since 7 mos).
She sends him his papers after New Years ( she told him she wanted to work it out during the Christmas season all the while talking to "male friends" on her cell).
He goes into court w/o a lawyer, he had almost no money and assumed he would get a fair deal by the judge. Got screwed by the judge. Paid $2500 to a lawyer just so he wouldn't get railroaded by his unfaithful wife (who also is a complete nut and bad mother).
She now makes a grand a month to support two kids from different Dads and can use this money to pay her lawyer, so her sons fathers actually pay for her lawyer.
This woman is a terrible mother and unfaithful wife, but the lawyer told my friend "These Judges in Rockwall County are mommy judges so don't plan on getting custody."
There is good news however. My friend can spend thousands again when his son is 5 and try for custody, or at 12 his son will definitely want to live with him and then she will pay child support. He told her this and her response "I'm never paying you sh!t"
If the court is going to take 1/2 of all assets from the marriage (including pre-marriage obtained assets used in common during the marriage) from one spouse and give it to the other, and THEN add in child support (and often alimony) out of the man's remaining half, then having a "stash" may be the only viable (even if not strictly legal) method of being prepared to support himself.
I'm not saying this is RIGHT, but it is not unrealistic in these days and times. The American divorce system is heavily weighted against men, whether or not they are "responsible" for the divorce. The statistics are not pretty, but in this case they are not somewhere south of "damn lies", either.
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Things change, people sometimes change with them. Life can get suddenly harder at 35 than anyone could have imagined at 24 and not every marriage between two good people can stand up to the strain.
The article doesn't reference men on a second trip around the park. They may well have life experience that compels them to hedge their bets before getting back on the ride.
I do agree though that some of these measures seem so cynical that the guys taking those precautions should probably not get married, but not for their sakes....they'd be doing the woman a favor by stepping down.
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