Posted on 03/09/2005 9:47:25 AM PST by qam1
NEW YORK – They've been part of the American "uniform" for years, worn to casual restaurants, house parties, and some workplaces.
But as jeans become more expensive, they are also becoming more ubiquitous, showing up everywhere from Midwestern churches to Broadway shows. Nothing is off limits, it seems. Or is it? Among those who buy high-priced, designer denim or who simply don jeans frequently - there's debate about where it's appropriate to wear them.
The tug of war over jeans etiquette is particularly prevalent in New York City. Here, people tend to be more creative about their appearance, and are often more demanding about how fashion-conscious people should look, says Dannielle Romano, editor at large for DailyCandy.com, a fashion and trends website.
Many 20- and 30-somethings here have theater backgrounds, for example, and often say it's inappropriate to wear jeans to theater and other cultural performances out of respect for the performers and the surroundings (even though the venues themselves have no official dress codes).
"I am all in favor of the current denim revolution that we are having, but I do feel that there are times when jeans should be left at home," says Lisa Kerson, a jewelry designer in her early 30s, whose parents insisted that she look nice when going to a play or traveling on a plane. "I still get bothered when I see people wearing jeans to the theater, ballet, opera, etc.," she says in an e-mail.
Melissa Popiel also prefers not to see denim at the theater, or at an engagement party. To her, jeans are OK for a house party or a casual dinner, but not for traditionally dressy places. "I don't like going to cocktail parties and seeing people in jeans," says the advertising executive, who's in her late 20s.
Ms. Popiel estimates she owns about 15 to 20 pairs, including premium brands, and has paid as much as $200 for a pair.
Many others are also paying big bucks for their jeans - from $150 to $1,000 or more per pair. Celebrities, in particular, are making jeans their garb of choice for appearances on talk shows and at some red-carpet events.
That, say fashion experts, sets the tone for the masses, who are encouraged by features like one in the Jan. 24 edition of Us magazine, "Hollywood's 10 Hottest Jeans," complete with suggestions for buying "premium" denim ($140 or more).
The concept of designer jeans is not new, however. They were also hot in the 1970s and 80s.
Are these jeans made for parties?
Etiquette experts offer few hard and fast rules about jeans, but among them are the obvious: Leave them in the closet when you're attending a wedding, or if your workplace bans them.
"A lot of it has to do with the appropriateness of the kind of jean you're wearing," says Peter Post, grandson of manners maven Emily Post and author of the book "Essential Manners for Men."
It comes down to determining if the jeans are for fashion or work. A pair that you do yard work in, for example, are "probably not appropriate to be wearing to a restaurant that night," he explains.
Mr. Post has seen men show up in quality restaurants wearing denim, which doesn't bother him as much as how sloppy their appearance sometimes is.He recalls seeing a man dressed in a T-shirt and old rumpled jeans. "He hadn't taken any care to step it up just a notch, to say to the woman he was with, 'You know, you're really important to me. I want to look good. I want you to look at me and be proud of me,' " he says.
Dark denim is making it easier for men to comfortably wear jeans in the evenings, especially since black jeans are no longer "in." But no matter how hip a certain style may be, some places are still off-limits.
"I probably won't wear them to a funeral," says Robert Smith, a 30- something businessman in Rockton, Ill. But in the past few years he's started wearing them everywhere else - to church and to most work-related functions.
Not the fabric but how it's used
The good news for jeans devotees is that standards for judging people on their appearance are loosening a bit - at least among women under 40. A recent study by Cotton Incorporated indicates that Generation X-age women (26 to 39) are less concerned about first impressions when it comes to dressing than they were 10 years ago, and more often are taking the approach that "you can't judge a book by its cover." The reverse was true for women boomer-age and older.
Alice Harris, author of the book "The Blue Jean," attributes the rise of jeans to casual Fridays in workplaces, which shifted the way people viewed dressing.
"We've actually gone back to a much simpler way of looking at it," suggests Post of the changing attitudes. It's not that certain materials, like denim, are bad. "It's what you've done with that material."
Only pajamas accepted.
"You may not be a bad person. And dressing in this manner won't get you shunned for life. But remember that the person mocking you could be a heavily tattooed, 25 year old guy in a punk rock band!"
LOL!! Hey, I never said that I don't get dressed up for certain occasions. I get dressed up for fancy restaurants (which I very rarely go to), church, and I'd get dressed up for the "Opera" (IF I'd ever even WANT to go see one...which I highly doubt). My children were required to get "dressed up" for these things as well. My only issue is with people who judge others based on what they are wearing, or for that matter, what they "look" like. In my opinion, it is ignorant, rude, and for those who are Christians, it is not in keeping with the Christian values I was taught.
I would think that a "heavily tattooed, 25 year old guy in a punk rock band", would understand more than most about how it feels to be judged by how you look. You seem like a real nice guy and it would be a real shame for someone to judge you by how you look, or what music you prefer to perform. Our youngest son is 23 years old and he likes tatoos. He has three of them. He is also a delightful, young man, handsome, well-groomed, good head on his shoulders, hard worker, compassionate, kind, loving, honest as the day is long...yata yata. And you know what? He has been treated like trash by SOME people who take one look at his tattoo and make judgements about him based only on that.
I also remember people rudely pointing out and "judging" a man in our hometown when I was a little girl. He showed up in church every Sunday in his tattered old pants, and worn out boots. He never said much, but would nod his head to the ladies, shake the preacher's hand, and always sit in the back pew. Perhaps he didn't think he was "good enough" to sit with the rest of us and that always made me feel sad. I like to think that God wasn't up in the pulpit with the preacher, but was sitting beside the old man in the back pew. :)
Huh? I did not say that President Reagan told me the story. I said the story was "about President Reagan." It was on a Larry King Live show in honor of President Reagan's birthday.
HA! I hear the same stories as my husband is a cop too. He has had several gang bangers take their pants off so they can run, so they are catching on!
If that is all the man can afford, then those clothes should not be held against him.
If, however, he wears those clothes because he is ignorant or making some type of statement, then there is nothing wrong about calling him on it.
I guess your town makes a smarter crook than ours! LOL
Regards,
PS: Hubby's FAST...I doubt taking off their pants will do them any good (he caught ME, didn't he?) ;)
I know you were trying to be funny, but you have inadvertently brought up an important point. Just as people judge you by the way you dress, they also judge you by the way you write and speak. Occasional errors are excusable, but consistent misuse of the language damages hampers your ability to communicate with others.
A colleague of mine had a teaching assistant whose e-mail to the students was always full of errors in spelling, punctuation, and grammar. For instance, he would not bother to capitalize the first word of a sentence or put a period at the end of a sentence. He steadfastly maintained that such things are unimportant -- the reader could figure out what he meant.
However, it is not true that the reader can always figure out what was meant. Nor should he have to. Communication is difficult enough; frequent errors tend to draw attention to themselves at the expense of the message. The writer who insists that such errors do not matter can reasonably be accused of showing contempt for his reader.
Likewise with clothing. One of the purposes of clothing is to communicate. Those who dress inappropriately for the occasion tend to draw draw attention to themselves. In some cases, they can reasonably be accused of showing contempt for others who are present.
Their luggage was lost?
You just reminded me of my cousin's wedding. I had no shoes. We traveled for five hours and got there just in time to dress for the wedding and show up. When I searched our luggage for my dress shoes, they were not there. I was only nine or so, but it was very embarrassing.
Relax, I've got cousins who dress like that, and we get along fine. But at family weddings and funerals they've never looked like Bud and Sissie heading to Gilley's. Not quibbling about everyday dress, just countering the myth that Texans don't know how to dress appropriately for certain occassions. Hey, if someone wants to have a them e or 'everyday dress' special occassion, more power to them. But that isn't the norm here, or anywhere for that matter.
No one gives a second look to KIKKer's (jeans, boots, and western shirts for our non-Houston readers) on the street, but if someone wants to get all costumed up(no matter what style), people are going to comment. 10-gallon hats look silly in an office building, same as fall-off-ya-butt slacks or S&M leather pants. If someone wants to show patriotism by wearing Lee Greenwood flag shirts everyday, good for them, but they shouldn't be shocked and flabbergast if others note that such dress isn't the typical Houston look.
The place I notice it most is at funeral homes. My lord, why don't people show a little respect?
Wearing jeans to an opera is completely classless. If you don't mind appearing as though you have no class, by all means, wear jeans to the opera.
We had matching western shirts (black and white colorblock)and we both had black jeans on. And your point is....?
"If that is all the man can afford, then those clothes should not be held against him.
If, however, he wears those clothes because he is ignorant or making some type of statement, then there is nothing wrong about calling him on it."
Therein lies the problem with judging folks. If I'm not walking in their shoes, how can I know? How can I possibly know what someone can afford, or can't afford. How will I know if the "old man in the back pew" is just choosing to be "ignorant", "wasn't raised right", or if he was as poor as he looked.
For example, if a husband comes to church with his wife and children....and the wife and children are wearing dress clothes, but the husband is wearing his work jeans......should I "assume" that the husband is being disrespectful? Or perhaps he works hard to earn what he can so that his wife and children can have nice clothes, while he goes without? I'm actually shocked to see that many people just don't "get it" when it comes to judging others. wow, too sad....
Yes, we have to teach our children not to be judgemental!
My cousins have pink and blue mohawks, tatooes and body piercings galore. Their jeans are falling down most of the time and they both smoke. We went to a family wedding and my daughter and son were terrified of them (they are 7 and 4), and I had to explain that just because they looked strange didn't mean they were bad. I gave my cousins a hug and told the kids their names, my daughter started asking questions about the peircings, etc. Both kids softened up to them and weren't scared after awhile. I took a picture of these 2 little kids in a white dress and suit (they were in the wedding) and my cousins and it is a hoot! We show it to everyone and laugh.
Of course after the wedding I told my kids that just because my cousins had peircings didn't mean I approved but that I still loved them.
PS My cousins actually dressed appropriately for the wedding, dress and suit!
I see couples walking around wearing the same outfits. I never understood why anyone would want to do that.
"PS Would tattoos and body piercing be signs of progress?"
be careful! I'm heavily tattooed and am in agreement with you on this argument. See post 130.
:-)
Not only do all the parishners at my church wear jeans, but the pastoral staff as well, even at the pulpit. Our church intentionally made the decision to make church NOT about dressing up. Anyone can walk off the street and feel at home in our church.
Well, then we're even...I never expected to find so many snobs on here.
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