Posted on 02/26/2005 8:10:40 PM PST by SW6906
Generally:
You start to think "its not so bad here".
You say "this place sort of grows on you".
You say, "it feels cooler today" and find out that the temperature is 110.
You call your tent (trailer if you're lucky) "Home".
You get excited at the idea of "ICE".
Apaches excite you much more than Blackhawk's or Kiowa's.
Armaments:
You don't jump when a door slams or someone drops something.
You aren't alarmed when every second person you see has a gun or two or three.
You kick the M-16 on the floor aside without a second thought when you sit down in the Dining Facility.
A Glock 9MM on a lady's hip is considered sexy.
Mortars and Rockets are "Okay" compared to Vehicle bombs.
You can measure distances based on explosion sounds.
When a "Red Alert" sounds and you're leaving a DFAC, you would rather go back in and have more coffee instead of seeking shelter in a bunker.
You know the difference in sound between "Incoming " and "Outgoing".
Entertainment:
You get excited at the prospect of seeing the latest gun camera videos.
$5.oo for a DVD is a little pricey....especially if there is only one movie.
If you are disappointed if you can't find a new movie a day after it is released in theatres stateside.
Sitting around with your coworkers talking about different ways to be killed is considered "Water Cooler Talk".
Convoys:
You are soothed by the sounds of helicopters flying six feet over your trailer.
Bullet holes in the cab of your tractor is no longer alarming.
Tractor selections consist of "Up Armored or Not" not Volvo or Mercedes Benz.
Convoys consist of as many extra Hummers and large caliber weapons as the Convoy Commander can find.
Driving on the sidewalk is normal.
Hit-and-Run fender benders are treated as mere warnings.
You get upset that you don't get "C-130" Frequent Flyer Miles.
Your carry-on luggage includes a flack jacked and helmet.
Driving through the traffic circle of death has lost its thrill.
Hygiene:
You enjoy waiting 45 minutes for the toilets to refill.
It's ok to brush your teeth with the brown water that comes out of the faucets.
KBR buzz cuts begin to look stylish (Even on girls).
Flies don't even hang around the truck drivers.
You have your own roll of toilet paper stashed in your tent/truck/back pack.
A shower with water that is neither to cold to hot and contains no mosquitoes is a priceless unattainable luxury.
Surroundings:
"Texas Barriers" are something other that a device to keep Texans out.
"Jersey Barriers" are something other that fences to keep Holsteins away from Jerseys.
You get excited with the presence of clouds in the sky.
The security guards are Ghurka or South African.
Dining:
You look forward to Mohammad's Mango ice cream as the treat for the day.
Powdered eggs taste OK.
You consider plastic ware the Place China.
You can distinguish inherent qualities of various plastic utensils.
The quality of the plastic utensils becomes a hot dinner topic.
Lettuce for your salad is a luxury.
You have become to believe that ham should be grey in color.
No matter what animal you are eating, it will be flavored with curry.
Going to another mess hall is an adventure.
Putting Thousand Islands Dressing on you hamburger bun instead of mayo/mustard/catsup is normal.
You automatically pick up two plastic forks whenever beef is on the menu.
You accept the fact that fajitas do not require tortillas.
Sliced hot dogs on a pizza served in a KBR Defac is good eats.
If you can not decide if you are going leave a brownie and some milk during a mortar attack.
Fashion:
You think desert combat boots look great with shorts.
Sand between your thong sandals actually feels good.
You can recognize 12 different camouflage patterns.
You've given up on shoe polish.
T-shirts at the PX are: M, L, XL, XXL & KBR.
Living Conditions:
You get a big smile when you see your pressed clothes at the KBR laundry.
You get a bigger smile knowing they didn't lose your laundry.
You get the biggest smile when you get back someone else's laundry and now you have more underwear than before.
You think the bullet holes in the roof of your trailer is just another form of ventilation.
You get upset because the post office won't ship your looted artifacts.
You haven't had water from anything other than a bottle for months on end.
You consider broken sandbags just a new beach expansion.
The idea of a double wide trailer is only for the very rich and powerful.
Forgetting you military ID makes you feel naked...but pants are optional.
"Only one rocket has hit the camp" is excellent news.
Cardboard board boxes have become substantial pieces of furniture.
Communications:
Stars & Stripes seems to be a liberal newspaper.
It feels normal to have to run outside to make a cell phone call.
You call your coworkers as soon as new T-Shirt patterns arrive at the PX.
"Can you hear me" takes up 50% of your cellular telephone conversations.
Your conversations are sprinkled with "Roger that" and "Good copy".
Ping!
Ping!
Ping
Hello?
Well, for crying out loud, lets mail the man some silverware.
Impressive. They deserve it, don't get me wrong. I find this fascinating, though. Logistical supply chain management must be pretty decent if they can get DVDs of movies out there that quickly.
Ping-er-ing!
Seen this?
Stars and Stripes is a liberal magazine.
Nope to the silverware, yes to the mustard and ketchup.
Ping.
Some of these will be a topic of conversation at the welcome home party next weekend.
Miracle Whip comes in a plastic bottle. Never send albacore tuna without it.
Logistical supply chain management has nothing to do with it. These are bootleg, sometimes camcorder copies. Honest Omar's Hadji Mart DVD Emporium.
The poor darlings.
White meat tuna comes in foil packettes.
Good to pass along!
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