Posted on 02/26/2005 6:34:17 AM PST by NationalLampoonguy
Three packs of cigarettes a day? Try three hours of Sean Hannity.
For years the Democratic Party, lead by Senator Ted Kennedy (D, Mass), has struggled to figure out just why Conservative Talk Radio seems to be able to attach itself to their millions of loyal listeners. But now, they may have achieved a major political breakthrough with the discovery that listening to conservative talk radio, especially Sean Hannity who hosts "a freak show of political pornography," has been found to cause cancer in laboratory rats (and Air America listeners).
"We're not absolutely sure," said Public Broadcasting Physicist, Bill Moyers, "but that's never stopped us before. We’re not talking metaphor here. The vibrations generated by his voice itself may actually cause an abnormal and unregulated growth of cells."
The research purports that while direct listening to Sean Hannity can cause cancerous tumors, second-hand listening may be just as deadly.
"A lot of young conservatives have started to listen to his shows because they think it makes them look cool." says political scientist, Charles Rangel.
Other studies by The New York Times, CNN and "60 Minutes" have revealed some additional stunning and foreboding results with the revelation that listening to Rush Limbaugh carries the gene found in those suffering from osteoporosis. Bill O’Reilly, who does not admit to being right-wing, but who has been found to harbor the DNA strand that closely resembles the Conservative model, is a breeding ground for leprosy...in France.
(Excerpt) Read more at moveonplease.org ...
For years the Democratic Party, lead by Senator Ted Kennedy (D, Mass), has struggled to figure out just why Conservative Talk Radio seems to be able to attach itself to their millions of loyal listeners. But now, they may have achieved a major political breakthrough with the discovery that listening to conservative talk radio, especially Sean Hannity who hosts "a freak show of political pornography," has been found to cause cancer in laboratory rats (and Air America listeners).
"We're not absolutely sure," said Public Broadcasting Physicist, Bill Moyers, "but that's never stopped us before. We’re not talking metaphor here. The vibrations generated by his voice itself may actually cause an abnormal and unregulated growth of cells."
The research purports that while direct listening to Sean Hannity can cause cancerous tumors, second-hand listening may be just as deadly.
"A lot of young conservatives have started to listen to his shows because they think it makes them look cool." says political scientist, Charles Rangel.
Other studies by The New York Times, CNN and "60 Minutes" have revealed some additional stunning and foreboding results with the revelation that listening to Rush Limbaugh carries the gene found in those suffering from osteoporosis. Bill O’Reilly, who does not admit to being right-wing, but who has been found to harbor the DNA strand that closely resembles the Conservative model, is a breeding ground for leprosy...in France.
Soon we will be rid of these miscreants and be able to argue only among ourselves.
In a similar study, this one conducted by people who actually passed Sophomore Statistics, Air America listeners were found to have reduced levels of testosterone and a higher-than-normal incidence of ascended testicles. And that was among female listeners. The study was unable to identify any male listeners, although a panel is trying to determine if Susan Estrich qualifies.
Fantastic Site.
Wildly funny.
The cure for this would be Sean's trip to Afghanistan or Iraq, maybe even to Walter Reed, but the payments or to much on his escapade and house.
Guess he will have to do his masters bidding and go to Disney World instead.
Let me know when hannity decides to do something with his travel plans other than promote his book or the mouses desires
As long as it only affects liberals it is Ok.
Huh?
Maybe its kinda like in "Mars Attacks" where they discovered that playing country music made the alien's heads explode.
And of even more concern, watching Ann Coulter has caused male viewers to develop
EDITOR'S NOTE: WE ARE SORRY, BUT WE ARE UNABLE TO SHOW YOU THE REST OF THIS POST.
You said that...
Amen
I've been quite ill for some time. Nothing helps me sleep like my good friend Sean.
Not so hot geographically either.
Before RUSH came on the air,I couldn't see ANYTHING!
Now I can spot a LIBERAL from 100 ft.
That site is a riot!
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