Posted on 02/22/2005 5:06:56 AM PST by An.American.Expatriate
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the
Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli,
cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red
vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live
long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and
Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Kreme Donuts. And Satan
said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, Yes!"
and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some
sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan
smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might
keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan
brought forth white flour from the
wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And
Woman went from size 6 to size 14.So God said, Try my
fresh green salad." And Satan presented
Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic
toast on
the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts
following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy
vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And
Satan brought forth deep fried fish and
chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.
And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went
through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it
"Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then
created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His
children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave
cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have
to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman
laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and
gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in
fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off
the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into
chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume
fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And
Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then said, You want fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And
Satan said, It is good." And Man went into cardiac
arrest. God sighed and created quadruple bypass
surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
I always suspected Satan was behind Ben and Jerry's.
Alright Satan! ... Go, baby, Go!
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