Why Women Cheat

WFTV ^ | 2/7/05

[KidGlock]

Why Women Cheat

Expert Reveals Warning Signs

UPDATED: 10:18 am EST February 7, 2005

CLEVELAND -- When you think about cheating spouses, most people think about men, Cleveland television station WEWS reported.

The station reported that the latest trend has more women stepping out on their husbands, and found one story illustrating it.

She was a mother of three who had just celebrated her 10th wedding anniversary.

That night, she told her husband she was going out with her girlfriends. Instead, she went to meet her lover, the station reported.

Mike Lewis is a private investigator at Cleveland's Confidential Investigations Inc.

He has been in the surveillance business for almost a decade. And more husbands are calling him about their cheating wives.

"What they always say, the not knowing is the hardest part. And that's where we come in," Lewis said.

Another woman told her husband she was on a business trip. Instead, she flew to spend the weekend with her boyfriend, the station reported.

"Got 'em kissin," Lewis said.

After watching a video, her husband finally figured out why their marriage was on the rocks.

"Gotta be frustrating because you guys were trying to work it out," Lewis said.

Just how many married women have had sex with other men?

In 1991, researchers asked married women if they had cheated. Ten percent said yes. Compare that to 22 percent of married men who said they had cheated.

In 2002, researchers asked again. That number grew to 15 percent for women, while the percentage of men who cheated stayed the same.

"It's either something they're missing in their relationship, or it's how they're feeling about themselves," said Kathy Dawson, of the Marriage Movement.

Dawson is a relationship coach, the author of "Diagnosis Marriage" and "Cleveland Couples." She helps couples reconnect. Even after infidelity.

"No. 1, if your wife says, 'You don't listen to me.' Oh boy, that's a big signal. Women, No. 1, need is to feel listened to and validated," Dawson said.

A wife starved for attention at home can find herself in the arms of another man. Dawson said when husbands don't make wives feel good about themselves, watch out for the man who does.

"For a man, the most important thing he can do for his wife is to pay attention to her feelings, and listen to her. It doesn't mean he has to agree with everything she says. He just has to prove to her that he heard what she said," Dawson said.

Mike Lewis agrees. In his experience, he found that sometimes a cheating spouse may even let you know what's about to happen.

"Sometimes they do communicate before they cheat. Sometimes they say, 'I'm not getting this. I'm not getting that.' And it falls on deaf ears," Lewis said.

But in the end, the decision to cheat is made by only one person.

"Are you willing to pay the price? Because there is a price. There's the price of how you feel about yourself. If you have children, if they find out, how are they going to react? Sooner or later they're going to find out," Dawson said.

For the husbands mentioned in this story, the infidelity was too much for the marriage. Both divorced soon after. But cheating does not have to mean the end of a marriage.

"It's pretty devastating. Is it a deal killer? No. Are you going to have to work your tail off? Yes. Can you're marriage be stronger? Absolutely," Dawson said.

[Tax-chick]

No, thanks. Visiting the imprisoned is a Biblical command, but I do it secondhand by contributing to prison ministry.

[hocndoc]

Joe discusses the cheating as being due to the priorities of the cheater, rather than the lack of the non-cheater. Maybe that's why I like him, he puts the blame on the cheater. He does discuss our obligation to meet our partner's needs, but the cheating is due to our own decisions.

One of the more pertinent comments he made was that only the person who finds something important can truly say whether or not that thing is important. In other words, it doesn't make sense to tell your wife or husband that they don't really need sex, communication, etc. Whatever it is, how can you tell another person what he needs? And if it's important to him/her, shouldn't he/she know best?

On the other hand, Family Dynamics teaching acknowledges that there are good and bad priorities, and limits to what we should do in a marriage.

His is a description of diversion of energies and interests like a dam with outlets. The energy needs to be focused by the person himself/herself to good and useful ends.

[gogeo]

I'm not arguing with that at all. While I see no real accomplishment in a successful bowel movement, there's something to be said for being able to change a spark plug on a lawn mower.


I think good sense, balance and moderation are important in all things. In that most important thing, marriage, more so.


I suspect men and women of good will agree that there are saints and sinners on either side of the gender line, and no one likes getting pigeonholed into a stereotype.

[Sassy_Sissy]

What's good for the goose......

[Sassy_Sissy]

Women are now our equals?

NO...we are and have been SUPERIORS. That's why you kept us down --with your bullying....but we all know the truth of who runs the place.

[Kelly_2000]

LOL

[theFIRMbss]

"Combine classic British comedy star Norman Wisdom with swinging sixties psychedelia, and you get this outrageous ode to free love as a dull bank clerk's life is transformed by the shapely forms of two hitchhikers, Sally Geeson and Sarah Atkinson. On the way to an executive conference at a resort, Norman experiences life-changing rapture with these two vixens. Directed by drive-in maestro Menahem Golan [!?] (The Apple, Enter the Ninja), this rowdy, colorful British sex comedy also features a nightclub appearance by cult band The Pretty Things."

[trubluolyguy]

So, reading this article I get the impression it is the husbands fault the wife is a whore. Is that what they are saying?

[Sassy_Sissy]

Unless she is just looking for an American meal ticket. Then as long as he breathes and is eligible for an American passport, she is good to go straight to divorce court after 5 years of marriage to her gringo-husband who is too much of a loser to marry a real American woman.

Yep...a friend of mine married a foreign girl 20 yaers younger than him....and she had a 7 year old. He has money. Waiting for end of the story.

[cyncooper]

Human beings are not monogamous.

Most human beings are in fact monogamous, which the very article this thread is based on notes in a round about way (an extreme minority of spouses cheat is the bottom line). I speak from a personal experience,too.

[cyncooper]

Men are capable of controlling themselves.

[Sassy_Sissy]

I had to borrow this from another thread. Says it all in my opinion:

WHY WOMEN CHEAT?:

[R. Scott]

....but we all know the truth of who runs the place.

I beg your pardon! Sheryl allowed me to anything she wanted me to do!

[af_vet_1981]

But in the end, the decision to cheat is made by only one person. "Are you willing to pay the price? Because there is a price.

Cheating is the end of a marriage.

[CzarNicky]

If human being were monogamous they would have ONE mate in their lifetime. What we practice is serial monogamy, usually, with a significant minority that does not even extend their mates that courtesy. Truly monogamous humans are extremely rare.

[cyncooper]

That is not the definition of monogamy and is a ludicrous statement that I note you're fond of sprinkling around like fairy dust.

Stop. You're embarrassing yourself.

[CzarNicky]

Monogamous animals mate for life. humans do not mate for life humans are not monogamous animals. Humans do have the capacity for free will and thus can and should hold themselves to a higher standard. No matter how you want to slice it we do not mate for life. We may stay together for moral reasons but that does not preclude our natural tendencies. Stop making a fool of yourself.

[numberonepal]

Happy wife, happy life.

[cyncooper]

humans do not mate for life

Yes, they can and do.

[Centurion2000]

I've been married for 37 years. I have a detective's mind, so I instinctively knew. I waited.."Revenge is a dish best served cold..". Her male partner has since been married twice, and divorced twice. My letters and photos to his wives sealed his fate. Child support for three children, plus an alimony. I remain married, but she knows that her punishment was the destruction of the "other" man that she briefly "loved." I have no regrets. I love my wife. But as I learned at age 19 as a young Marine in Vietnam, "Payback is a Mother F_cke_!

That's almost better than Shoot Shovel and ShutUp.