"Publish America" Sting: The WORST BOOK Ever Published!

Ted Demopolous ^ | Recently | Travis Tea

[Mongeaux]

"Atlanta Nights" By Travis Tea. "Travis Tea" is a pseudonym for a group of (mostly) science fiction and fantasy authors who were amused by PublishAmerica's claim (at their authorsmarket.net site) that SF & F authors are "writers who erroneously believe that SciFi, because it is set in a distant future, does not require believable storylines, or that Fantasy, because it is set in conditions that have never existed, does not need believable every-day characters."

So about thirty writers banged out a novel over a long weekend, writing it as ineptly as they could. Plot, characterization, theme ... none of them are to be found in ATLANTA NIGHTS. Grammar and spelling take a drubbing. The book was submitted to PublishAmerica -- and it was accepted.

"Each day, an average 78 new authors who are looking to find a book publishing company ask us to publish their book," PublishAmerica says. "We review not only the quality but also the genre of their work.... Like all serious book publishing companies we have to be picky as we can only accept the works that meet our requirements in both areas." Now you can see for yourself exactly how "picky" about quality they are.

Prepare to be amazed.

[Mad Mammoth]

but I thought it's suppsoed to be science fiction ;o)< br>
Ok, OH-kay....."Space Cadet Hillary sauntered across the control room, taking a sip of Vince Foster's preserved vital fluids from the refreshment bottle contained within her space suit, as she turned her head in the zero gravity environment, she saw her dumb azz spouse floating around the room, laughing on a mixture of oxygen and nitrous oxide, looking like the Michelin Man after a bad acid trip, giggling like a school girl...meanwhile, Astronaut Bubba was really digging the endless spinning in the absence of gravity, thinking "damNATION, ah ain't seen so much spinning since that fool Begala and his forehead were trying to make excuses for me back in '98!" Suddenly, his blood ran cold as he got a glimpse of a shadowy figure floating towards him with an oxyacetylene torch, the flame casting it's own shadow as it approached his groin, "NOOO, anything, my eyes, my hands, but not my pal Buddy-Roe!!", and just as he knew he would feel the torch cut through his suit, the room went black, as black as the soul of Harold Ickes..."

[redheadtoo]

Just this last Saturday I was talking to a friend who has published over twenty novels. She said that once she wanted to break a deal with a publisher so she outlined the worst possible novel she could concoct.

After she detailed the novel to the editor there was a pause over the phone. Then, to my friend's surprise, the editor said, "I love it."

My friend wrote the book and it turned out to be one of her most successful novels.

[NicknamedBob]

"Would the Undead Thread (First run) work as a manuscript to send in?
I'm getting a bad idea here but I need consensus on whether it's a bad enough idea.."


The 65534 posts of the UT1 constitute, by my rough calculation, about ten times the size of the collected works of William Shakespeare.

Some extreme editing would be required. Heck, I was considering extracting just my own posts, along with enough of others to make my responses make sense, and seeing if that would constitute something like a novel.

I think it could easily be gleaned, sifted, and sorted to produce at least three different novels.

Could it be published? Anything can be published, these days, if you are willing to pay the publisher for the costs of setting up the Web Press. Then they can print on demand for each order received.

The real question is, "Could someone convince a publisher to foot the costs of publication, and pay royalties to the creator?" -- And I think the answer to that depends on your connections to the publishing industry, and your skills as an editor to find the most entertaining aspects of UT1 to extract.

If such a thing were to come about, I think I would want to donate my share of the proceeds to setting up a permanent agency to help publish "The Best of Free Republic", aimed at finding and showcasing the extraordinary talent that exists here.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

There is no accounting for taste.

[Darksheare]

Put that way, it sounds extremely tempting.

[NicknamedBob]

I cannot over-emphasize the need to be a ruthless editor. You will have to decide which avenue you are pursuing, humor, speculation, specific topics, and so forth.

Another approach might be to use multiple paths -- one chapter devoted to the humor, especially the accidental humor that sprang up from typos and slips-of-the-thumb, another chapter for the history of trolls, and why jj was such an exemplary buffoon, and therefore, why Cyborg's offer of marriage was so delectable.

Further chapters could each have their own theme. Heck, you could probably go six volumes if you wanted to.

[punster]

Sounds about like some of the popular pulp fiction writers.

[Billthedrill]

The especially beloved and completely incoherent Chapter 34 was written by a text generator that had been fed some earlier chapters.

Awesome, and I do not use that word loosely. This reviewer convinced me:

"Gripping, squeezing, mashing, bashing, this book will give a man cramps and a woman a prostate. It delivers."

-- Vera Nazarian

Dunno about the book itself, but when I publish my first novel I want to get this group of reviewers.

[ViLaLuz]

Wow, I'm impressed!

[international american]

"But he shivered as Hillary stood up suddenly, moving swiftly across the room with the demonic determination of something from a dark corner of Hell, "

ROTFLMAO Welcome to FR!!

[international american]

"I'm afraid my one attempt at writing a 'thesis' was mistaken as an obituary."

This can happen when one writes a black comedy.

[international american]

Bravo! That is really f'n bad!!

Have you ever entered the annual "Bad Hemingway" contest?

[international american]

""The Best of Free Republic","

There is certainly enough great humor to be a good seller!

[NicknamedBob]

http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/weblog/comments/451/

Remembering Naked Came the StrangerRobert Wiemer, one of the 25 authors of the 'Naked Came the Stranger' literary hoax from 1969, died yesterday. He was better known as an editorial writer for Newsday.

Naked Came the Stranger was a novel that was designed to test just how low the standards of taste of the American public had sunk. 25 Newsday staff members each wrote a chapter of this novel. Their only requirements were that their chapters could contain no plot or character development, no social insight, and no verbal skill. Only one thing was required: a minimum of two sex scenes per chapter.

The resulting novel was attributed to a fictitious author (Penelope Ashe), who was played by the attractive sister-in-law of Mike McGrady, the columnist who conceived the idea for the hoax. McGrady's sister-in-law played her role to the fullest, appearing in interviews wearing low-cut dresses and bubbling about the joys of sexual liberation. The American public predictably ate it up and sales of the book soared. The Newsday writers eventually began to feel guilty about all the money they were receiving from the farce, and confessed. But the resulting publicity only made the book sell even better.

Posted: Wed Jul 24, 2002

[Rudder]

"I'm afraid my one attempt at writing a 'thesis' was mistaken as an obituary."

LOL!!!

You wrote for Rodney Dangerfield, right?

[international american]

I remember that all too well! ROTF.
In the movie biz, if you were a writer, and the final cut
was mortifying, the writer would often remove his real name and replace it with Alan Smithee.
Later on, producers and directors followed suit, Smithee became a prominent writer ,director, producer:)
Occasionally, a "green" writer for Variety would be allowed review a film.
" This movie is a real stinker. I don't know why it was released, but it should be promptly creamated and buried!
There is one bright spot in this film, and it is the directorial debut of young director,Alan Smithee. Smithee directed with a robust, earthy style. If he survives this turkey, look for some fine filmmaking down the line."

[international american]

:)

[Commie Basher]

Lulu.com will also publish anything for a fee -- and is competitor of Publish America.

Doesn't excuse Publish America. But Lulu is throwing stones in a glass house.

[Rudder]

OK, there's my contribution, somebody pick up where I left off.

Yours-
"Space Cadet Hillary sauntered across the control room, taking a sip of Vince Foster's preserved vital fluids from the refreshment bottle contained within her space suit, as she turned her head in the zero gravity environment, she saw her dumb azz spouse floating around the room, laughing on a mixture of oxygen and nitrous oxide, looking like the Michelin Man after a bad acid trip, giggling like a school girl...meanwhile, Astronaut Bubba was really digging the endless spinning in the absence of gravity, thinking "damNATION, ah ain't seen so much spinning since that fool Begala and his forehead were trying to make excuses for me back in '98!" Suddenly, his blood ran cold as he got a glimpse of a shadowy figure floating towards him with an oxyacetylene torch, the flame casting it's own shadow as it approached his groin, "NOOO, anything, my eyes, my hands, but not my pal Buddy-Roe!!", and just as he knew he would feel the torch cut through his suit, the room went black, as black as the soul of Harold Ickes..."

My contribution-
"Drifting helplessly with teeth clenched in terror, Bubba anticipated the searing, hot pain of vengeful circumcision but, instead, he felt a warmth, a wetness…a softness like a well-chewed cigar turned inside out embracing, fully, his pal Buddy-Roe. Looking down in surprise, he recognized the dress. It was blue as her eyes and big as a Jabba pup tent. This was a moment to share! Bubba radioed the Hisass Starship and asked to speak with the BabyYessir Fat.

[Galactic Overlord-In-Chief]

Lulu.com will also publish anything for a fee -- and is competitor of Publish America.

Doesn't excuse Publish America. But Lulu is throwing stones in a glass house.

I don't think Lulu is trying to make itself any more than what it is. They make it pretty clear they'll publish your stuff for a fee, but Publish America tries to burnish its respectible credentials by displaying its books that get national attention. Basically, you would kinda expect Lulu.com to have more "unpolished" material, shall we say, but Publish America is putting forth an image that it is a more respectable company. The problem with PA is not so much content as the controversy over its contracts and what rights it gives to its authors. Google Publish America and you'll find pages with many red flags about the company's contracts.

I almost published my novel there myself, but ultimately I decided to go elsewhere to publish, and now my book is listed up on Amazon.com, among other places.