Posted on 01/30/2005 10:16:50 AM PST by TWohlford
Dear President Bush:
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving.
California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the North East.
We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST next Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then.
So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. (Okay, we have to keep the Governor; we can live with that.) We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get all the technological innovation in Alabama. We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, and you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms to support, and we know how much you like that. Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies? But heck the only greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big Macs.
Oh yeah, another thing, don't plan on serving California wine at your state dinners. From now on it's imported French wine for you. Ouch, bet that hurts. Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask your evangelicals. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.
Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously. Soon.
Sincerely,
California
haha.....you don't need Calif?........who the heck do you think invents all the nuclear weapons we have.....UC Berkeley who admin Livermore Labs and Los Alamos.....
bookmark for later
dairy, fruits veges, nuts and nuclear weapons by the way
Thanks. I have heard similar talk among "blue" New Yorkers. And I would have posted the same thing on DU, but probably would have gotten zotted or their version of zotted.
The division thing is no good and I fear some people actually believe it.
Even if the blue states had guns they wouldn't use them. Like the Western Europeans excluding Great Britian there is nothing worth fighting and dieing for.
We've got Oak Ridge.
Favorite domestic cheese is Three Sisters Sirena. Outstanding. Lets just hope the the FDA doesn't ban domestic raw milk cheeses anytime soon.
California produces way more fruits than vegetables.
Hey guys, I'm stuck in one of those dumb parts of Michigan that went blue.
Don't give those places to the Blue Nation till I get out of here!
LOL. Anews item has inspired an idea. I say we take ol' boxer on a little scuba diving excursion off Catalina Island....waaaay off the island. After she gets in the water, we in the boat, leave! We can get her into the ocean by telling her there is more proof of voter fraud in a locked box that has sunk to the bottom! :)
What a precious article! I'm sure the author feels better about him/herself after having written it.
Don't be too smug, the way illegals are flooding into our state I think we'll see a push for it to be re-named "Texico". Study up on "Aztlan", "reconquista" & "FTAA" and you'll see there's more to this than folks just looking for jobs.
haha.......you may build them but we invent them.....
I heard these people trot this stat out, but I don't believe it.
Well, it's obvious this prissy little whiner didn't actually speak with God. He/she must have Him confused with his/her overbearing mommy, or at least one of his/her mommies!
I think this is a joke post (sort of).
So they exaggerate the Lefty way of talking.
You're kidding, right?
Like many socialist welfare states, California has high taxes and a generous state welfare programs. This penalizes people that work and encourages sloth.
California income tax tops out at 10 or 11 percent. California has a sales tax as well, at 8%. California has high automobile taxes.
California gives medical benefits to illegal immigrants.
Many California cities and counties have rather draconian hoops that a property owner must jump through just to remodel a house. Some counties and cities have rent control laws that prevent a landlord from raising the rent to a market level, which further reduces the supply of housing, becuase no one wants to be a landlord if they can't profit from raising the rent. Moreover, California landlord-tenant law is so biased in favor of the tenant that it can take months to get a non-paying tenant out.
Because of zoning laws, much of the open space in California cannot be developed, further driving up the cost of land and housing.
Instead of being guided by the free market, most of California is controlled by leftists who know what's best for everybody.
We get range-fed beef, you get AIDS
It sure is. Orange county is also red. These are 2 of the most beautiful areas in California. Bush did well in this state, in spite of its supposed "blueness", Kerry did not win it by huge margin. I have a suspicion that massive democRAT cheating has played a significant part in this state turning blue .
Why should the US give up one of it's most beautiful states to a bunch of whiny leftists who lost the election?
Hey libs, if you want to live under a socialism, move to a socialist country, plenty for you to choose from. No one will stop you from leaving(unlike Cuba). Buh BYe..
This is an easy one.
They say they will be anti-war. So, just let them go, then we invade and take them over without bloodshed since they will not fight and then we set them right and make the whole state red by law.
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