Posted on 01/24/2005 5:54:31 AM PST by TexasCowboy
If you've ever looked at a thread like this and thought "How'd they git a picture of my house?", you might be a redneck.
"Stump Jumpin' Redneck Country:
*I really don't like this country!*
My UPS burned up with the power surges, but it was five years old so it was time anyway.
This was my afternoon/evening experience:
Got everything running okay and went to Carthage to buy a UPS.
After walking around for half an hour in WallyWorld dodging rednecks in cammos with deer and hog guts all over them pulling their 319 pound wives behind them, I finally spotted someone that might be a clerk. At least she didn't have blood all over her.
"Excuse me, ma'am. Do you have a UPS?"
"Uh whut?"
"A UPS".
"We don't have a UPS thang in here."
"I'm not talking about United Parcel Service. I need a Uninterrupted Power Supply."
"Uh whut?"
"One of those things you plug a computer into."
"Uh whut?"
"A computer".
"I thank the manager's got one, but he ain't gonna let you use it."
"I don't want to use his computer. I need that thing you plug it in to."
"Wul, he's got one of those, too, but he ain't gonna let you use it."
"I don't want to use his. I want to buy one."
"Wul, over thar where the light bulbs are, there's some of them, but you gotta have wires goin' to 'em."
"I don't want to buy a wall outlet. I want to buy a UPS!"
"Uh whut?"
"Forget it! Let's start over. Is there a Office Depot close by?"
"Uh whut?"
"Ma'am, you have a Merry Christmas.......and please don't say, 'uh whut?'"
I left and went sixty miles to Longview, finally found an Office Depot and bought a UPS.
I stopped at a filling station to gas up before heading back to Carthage.
I went in, bought a pack of smokes and was going to my truck when this guy with wild eyes walks up and says, "Hey, buddy! Can you come here just a minute?" I followed him to a car sitting by the gas pump.
He said, "That's my car."
I resisted the temptation to say, "Yur whut?", and waited.
He said, "That's my car. In the front seat is my dog."
Again, I resisted the temptation to say, "Yur whut?"
He said, "I was working in South Louisiana today and as I started to come home, I backed into the water. I live over at Rusk."
I resisted the temptation to ask, "Live there or confined there?"
He said, "When I backed into the water, I lost my wallet."
I resisted the temptation to say, "So you had your wallet in the trunk?"
He said, "I had a week's paycheck in that wallet."
I resisted the temptation to say, "Oh, I understand! That's why you had your wallet in the trunk!"
He said, "My wife's not with me."
I resisted the temptation to say, "The only thing strange about that is the fact that you even have one!"
He said, "Could you give me enough money for gas to get home?"
I didn't resist the temptation to say, "YES! GLADLY! Here, take this five! BYE!"
I was never so glad to get back to the rig!
I'm in my trailer with the door locked! I've got to recover mentally before I can go to sleep!
SHEEEESH! *I really don't like this country!*"
bump
A couple has a dog who snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring. "Yeah right!" she says.A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep.
Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring! The woman is amazed! Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him!
The woman sleeps soundly. The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.
He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "Boy, I don't know where we were, or what we did, but by God, we took first and second place!"
From a Texas redneck, I agree!
LOL! I was expecting Jeff Foxworthy and got these hilarious pictures instead.
Funniest thread ever!
BWAAAAH !
Looks like this guy has watched one too many Red Green episodes...
BTW, I saw a truck just yesterday that would qualify for this thread. Too bad I didn't have a digital camera with me at the time. The right side panel of the pick-up truck (crashed into) was being held up by cords tied across to the other side. Plus there was a "dawg" and a lot of junk in the back. :-)
31. Your wife has ever said to you "Honey, come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"
Yep, good description of an outing there. I am originally from Gilmer and even as a 5 yr. old I think I was planning my escape. Wally World is a dangerous place in these areas; that is their social outing for the day. How dare you go disrupt them looking for a UPS; for the most part UPS is not their thing.
check out the 4th pic, this is what you have in mind for us?=)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
