Posted on 01/13/2005 4:53:28 AM PST by Jim Noble
A few years ago at a White House Correspondents' dinner, I met a very beautiful actress. Within moments, she blurted out: "I can't believe I'm 46 and not married. Men only want to marry their personal assistants or P.R. women."
I'd been noticing a trend along these lines, as famous and powerful men took up with the young women whose job it was to tend to them and care for them in some way: their secretaries, assistants, nannies, caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact-checkers.
Women in staff support are the new sirens because, as a guy I know put it, they look upon the men they work for as "the moon, the sun and the stars." It's all about orbiting, serving and salaaming their Sun Gods.
In all those great Tracy/Hepburn movies more than a half-century ago, it was the snap and crackle of a romance between equals that was so exciting. Moviemakers these days seem far more interested in the soothing aura of romances between unequals.
In James Brooks's "Spanglish," Adam Sandler, as a Los Angeles chef, falls for his hot Mexican maid. The maid, who cleans up after Mr. Sandler without being able to speak English, is presented as the ideal woman. The wife, played by Téa Leoni, is repellent: a jangly, yakking, overachieving, overexercised, unfaithful, shallow she-monster who has just lost her job with a commercial design firm. Picture Faye Dunaway in "Network" if she'd had to stay home, or Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" without the charm.
The same attraction of unequals animated Richard Curtis's "Love Actually," a 2003 holiday hit. The witty and sophisticated British prime minister, played by Hugh Grant, falls for the chubby girl who wheels the tea and scones into his office. A businessman married to the substantial Emma Thompson falls for his sultry secretary. A writer falls for his maid, who speaks only Portuguese.
(I wonder if the trend in making maids who don't speak English heroines is related to the trend of guys who like to watch Kelly Ripa in the morning with the sound turned off?)
Art is imitating life, turning women who seek equality into selfish narcissists and objects of rejection, rather than affection.
As John Schwartz of The New York Times wrote recently, "Men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses, and evolution may be to blame."
A new study by psychology researchers at the University of Michigan, using college undergraduates, suggests that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors.
As Dr. Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, summed it up for reporters: "Powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men may prefer to marry less-accomplished women." Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them.
"The hypothesis," Dr. Brown said, "is that there are evolutionary pressures on males to take steps to minimize the risk of raising offspring that are not their own." Women, by contrast, did not show a marked difference in their attraction to men who might work above or below them. And men did not show a preference when it came to one-night stands.
A second study, which was by researchers at four British universities and reported last week, suggested that smart men with demanding jobs would rather have old-fashioned wives, like their mums, than equals. The study found that a high I.Q. hampers a woman's chance to get married, while it is a plus for men. The prospect for marriage increased by 35 percent for guys for each 16-point increase in I.Q.; for women, there is a 40 percent drop for each 16-point rise.
So was the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax? The more women achieve, the less desirable they are? Women want to be in a relationship with guys they can seriously talk to - unfortunately, a lot of those guys want to be in relationships with women they don't have to talk to.
I asked the actress and writer Carrie Fisher, on the East Coast to promote her novel "The Best Awful," who confirmed that women who challenge men are in trouble.
"I haven't dated in 12 million years," she said drily. "I gave up on dating powerful men because they wanted to date women in the service professions. So I decided to date guys in the service professions. But then I found out that kings want to be treated like kings, and consorts want to be treated like kings, too."
E-mail: liberties@nytimes.com
I have been in contact (in person and on line) with several men who married foreign women and one foreign woman who married an American. Much of what you say motivates men to look for foreign brides agrees with what I've hear, however, the one foreign bride made it clear she came here to get out of her homeland and once here she was Americanized in less than 6 months. She has a "career" and doesn't cook or clean nor does she plan to have children. This is a pitfall of marrying foreign women. TV brings them up to American speed in warp time and these men often find they have an American wife after their best attempts to avoid it.
Feminism is, of course a problem, but it is the whole American culture that tells women from cradle to grave that they are "special." Girl Power, Princess Power, feminism, and media crapola like "End of the World - Women have it Worst" all play a part in this as does the gross commercialism designed primarily towards women.
As for foreign women not getting fat. That is hardly an absolute.
Agreed. Eastern European women, especially. (Of course, the guy complaining about them getting fat is probably fat and losing his hair, but we don't discuss that on FR. LOL)
I know one E/E woman in her thirties, and the biggest difference I can see between her and American women is that she's quite racially prejudiced. Other than that, she strikes me as completely assimilated. (In spite of her bigotry, which seems a byproduct of the environment she grew up in, I actually like her quite a lot.)
You don't have sell that idea to me. However, and I do find this interesting: I always seem to be the guy that's the exception. I hear that people marry within their attractiveness, and I married a knockout despite being a troll. I don't think I ever dated a woman who was anything less than pretty, and I never even approached average.
I hear that women won't date men shorter than themselves, but at 5'1", I'd say that 99% of my dates were taller than I am. My wife is a full 11" taller. It just never seemed to matter.
I hear that women won't marry men who make less, when at some point my wife started paying more in taxes than I ever made.
You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I know lots of other people who are exceptions to these so called rules as well. I'm strongly suspecting that when it comes to matter of the heart, conventional wisdom, well...isn't.
"A good wife always knows her place."
Men are such simple beings. Food, sex, appreciation. Ladies, just remember those three things and you've got it made in the shade.
And as far as husbands go, as long as he's not asking me "What are you thinking?" or "Do you still love me?" or "Does this sweater make me look fat?" WHILE I'M WATCHING THE GAME, we'll get along just fine. ;)
Spoken like a true Packer fan. : )
Bashing all women on FR? Where did I say that? If I wanted words put in my mouth I'd be posting on democratic underground. I expect a more rational debate here. Sometimes that just doesn't happen.
It's pretty obvious that American men are marrying less. In a society where sixty percent of marriages end in divorce, I don't blame them. Seventy percent of divorces are initiated by women. The courts favor women in a divorce. Men just don't want to see their kids and money stripped away from them.
The whole gist of this article is that supposedly beautiful, intelligent and successful women are not finding husbands. And they're bitching about it. The article states that men don't want these kinds of women. I highly agree with this. American women are steeped in fem-nazism from birth. They have the courts on their side. Men just aren't buying this crap anymore.
The men I know with the most successful relationships out there are marrying foreign - east european, asian and south american. Maybe it's because these women haven't had the lifelong exposure to fem-nazism. From what I've observed women from these cultures are excellent mommies, completely family oriented, devoted and beautiful. They also don't seem to have the weight problem that most american women have.
As American industry is being outsourced to foreign countries, I believe American men will outsource to find wives. With the internet and dirt-cheap airfares, this is now a reality. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of websites advertising foreign women. There would not be so many if they weren't successful. American men are moving on to greener pastures.
I believe the word you're searching for is foreigners. I certainly do not abhor american women. They're fun and great for casual sex. Marrying one? I don't think so. This article points out the fact that more and more American men are thinking like this.
It's pretty obvious that American men are marrying less. In a society where sixty percent of marriages end in divorce, I don't blame them. Seventy percent of divorces are initiated by women. The courts favor women in a divorce. Men just don't want to see their kids and money stripped away from them.
As American industry is being outsourced to foreign countries, I believe American men will outsource to find wives. With the internet and dirt cheap airfares, this is now a reality. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of websites advertising foreign women. There would not be so many if they weren't successful. American men are moving on to greener pastures. Who wants an american fem-nazi? Not anybody in his right mind...or anybody who has options.
,,, it's way past time for you to redefine the rules. You only get one shot at life and you have to be as happy as possible. A lot of the time, when you give, it comes back to you. You're giving it your best shot and it should mean a return of the same. Get it sorted or pack your bags.
It's pretty obvious that American men are marrying less.
So, your assumption is that women are marrying the same or more? Who's marrying them?
Yes, but was it typed in Times New Roman on a modern word processor? ;-)
}:-)4
Most (wo)men are too shallow to choose properly, valuing the packageing above the contents.
Personal peeve.. Women who choose a man for his "virility" and ability to provide, then turn around and say they don't want children..
If you don't want kids, find someone that's sterile.. save us all a lot of heartache and pain..
This is just semantics, but there can be a difference between intelligent (sensible) and I.Q. (smart)..
A Master's Degree in medicine does not guarantee a good "bedside manner"..
Likewise, all the education in the world won't help a woman that can't understand when to shut up and let a man BE a man..
Whores and dogs and their all barking
Slef-ping so hubby can read after he gets home from work!
Don't look at me. I have four kids. I would have a couple more, but my husband can't take it. : )
Like most leftists, the writer seems to have a low opinion of mothers.
But, yes, if your mom had good qualities, it makes sense to look for some of them in a mate.
Now, tell me again why my bone idle ex who quit his job and is now living in the 19 foot trailer with his 29 year old girlfriend doesn't understand "commitment"?
Four of us laughing our butts off here just reading your post. Three of us are single moms. I'm the one getting the "gravy" child support. And don't use the "California" excuse. Have friends all over the country in the same boat.
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