Posted on 01/13/2005 4:53:28 AM PST by Jim Noble
A few years ago at a White House Correspondents' dinner, I met a very beautiful actress. Within moments, she blurted out: "I can't believe I'm 46 and not married. Men only want to marry their personal assistants or P.R. women."
I'd been noticing a trend along these lines, as famous and powerful men took up with the young women whose job it was to tend to them and care for them in some way: their secretaries, assistants, nannies, caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact-checkers.
Women in staff support are the new sirens because, as a guy I know put it, they look upon the men they work for as "the moon, the sun and the stars." It's all about orbiting, serving and salaaming their Sun Gods.
In all those great Tracy/Hepburn movies more than a half-century ago, it was the snap and crackle of a romance between equals that was so exciting. Moviemakers these days seem far more interested in the soothing aura of romances between unequals.
In James Brooks's "Spanglish," Adam Sandler, as a Los Angeles chef, falls for his hot Mexican maid. The maid, who cleans up after Mr. Sandler without being able to speak English, is presented as the ideal woman. The wife, played by Téa Leoni, is repellent: a jangly, yakking, overachieving, overexercised, unfaithful, shallow she-monster who has just lost her job with a commercial design firm. Picture Faye Dunaway in "Network" if she'd had to stay home, or Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" without the charm.
The same attraction of unequals animated Richard Curtis's "Love Actually," a 2003 holiday hit. The witty and sophisticated British prime minister, played by Hugh Grant, falls for the chubby girl who wheels the tea and scones into his office. A businessman married to the substantial Emma Thompson falls for his sultry secretary. A writer falls for his maid, who speaks only Portuguese.
(I wonder if the trend in making maids who don't speak English heroines is related to the trend of guys who like to watch Kelly Ripa in the morning with the sound turned off?)
Art is imitating life, turning women who seek equality into selfish narcissists and objects of rejection, rather than affection.
As John Schwartz of The New York Times wrote recently, "Men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses, and evolution may be to blame."
A new study by psychology researchers at the University of Michigan, using college undergraduates, suggests that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors.
As Dr. Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, summed it up for reporters: "Powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men may prefer to marry less-accomplished women." Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them.
"The hypothesis," Dr. Brown said, "is that there are evolutionary pressures on males to take steps to minimize the risk of raising offspring that are not their own." Women, by contrast, did not show a marked difference in their attraction to men who might work above or below them. And men did not show a preference when it came to one-night stands.
A second study, which was by researchers at four British universities and reported last week, suggested that smart men with demanding jobs would rather have old-fashioned wives, like their mums, than equals. The study found that a high I.Q. hampers a woman's chance to get married, while it is a plus for men. The prospect for marriage increased by 35 percent for guys for each 16-point increase in I.Q.; for women, there is a 40 percent drop for each 16-point rise.
So was the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax? The more women achieve, the less desirable they are? Women want to be in a relationship with guys they can seriously talk to - unfortunately, a lot of those guys want to be in relationships with women they don't have to talk to.
I asked the actress and writer Carrie Fisher, on the East Coast to promote her novel "The Best Awful," who confirmed that women who challenge men are in trouble.
"I haven't dated in 12 million years," she said drily. "I gave up on dating powerful men because they wanted to date women in the service professions. So I decided to date guys in the service professions. But then I found out that kings want to be treated like kings, and consorts want to be treated like kings, too."
E-mail: liberties@nytimes.com
Actually the "demand" that women earn money is also a product of divorce laws. Allow me to explain. In older days in a divorce a man would be responsible for alimony because the women would have stayed home and have no prospects for support for herself as a result of raising the children. Then permanent alimony gave way to temporary alimony which provided for the woman to get education/training to get a job and be independent. Now, if a woman comes into the marriage as pre-trained in something and already earning an income then its far less likely she will recieve permanent alimony or need as much rehap alimony.
(in fl the rule of thumb is less than two years no alimony, at five years temp alimony considered, at 12 years permanent alimony considered. Not hard and fast rules just guidance.)
It is not a complete analysis but it is a factor. I consider it a sad development when you have to have the consequence of ending a marriage in the begining of starting courtship.
There is more to this but that is for another time.
Glad to oblige.
>>Today many women want to be equal with men and thats fine I suppose, its just that most men dont want them that way.<<
I sure appreciate the fact that my wife has her areas of interest and is far above me in how to handle difficulties in those areas. I appreciate not having to do everything, by that I mean everything outside of the home.
Her opinion counts with me, many times I place more weight on her opinion than my own. Maybe it has something to with the fact I trust her to properly do the research.
( panting, panting)..I'm out of breath...(G)
If I remember correctly those Trace/Hepburn romances generally started with what most women today call abuse.
How many scenes followed this scenario: Tracy grabs Hepburn and wrestles her closer to him, grabs the back of her head and plants a big kiss on her while she protests. She slaps him afterwords, he slaps her back harder, then lands another big kiss before she submits to him.
I can't even picture Hollywood putting out a picture like that today. Imagine what the NAGS would have to say about it.
Has anyone been seeing the Amazing Race? There are a few guys on there that are such baby moma's boys. They get their wives and girlfriends to do all the difficult tasks and they sit and whine and cry. This one guy actually keeps saying "Mom, I love you,...Mom, help me, Mom" whenever he's doing a scary task. The women have proven to be the most enduring of the genders...They hunker down and do what needs to be done.
I told my husband that I experienced the same thing in the years prior to meeting him. The men I met, wanted a mommy...I'm not talking about a guy wanting a wife to be a mother...I'm talking about gutless pansy men who don't have any ambition...they had supermoms to pamper them and do everything for them and they couldn't stand on their own two feet.
actually I think many women see marriage as a competition rather than a team arrangement.
LOL! I've had that printout given to me before...it's a good thing it was a joke, or someone would have gotten hurt!
It is a pretty hilarious read, though. :)
Yes, but the boy falls in love with the famous and uber-talented daughter of a famous and uber-talented opera singer.
Maybe nobody wants to date Carrie Fischer because she's an ex-drug addict who likes hiding in men's closets after they break up with her? Just a guess. But I do think the core of this article is correct. Women of achievement tend to be bossy. Men don't like to be bossed around. Real men, that is.
And, romantic comedies like this resonate with chubby girls who want to believe they can snag a Hugh Grant-look-alike who has the job of running the UK. Mo wants to blame men for these movies. It's the desires of (average) women who drive their plots.
The amazing race is network tv, TV which has more women vieweres than men. Casting probably vetted them to be wusses with women who look/perform better in order to appeal to their audiences. If CBS can fake a few documents on a major story, then hollyweird can slant a few cast selections.
If only weak men are selected and shown on TV, then people will assume all men are weak and useless. (same way fathers are now always an idiot and mothers are always heroic and men neeeeever care that a woman has a child from another marriage)
Those Moro Islamic Liberation Front folks are shady. I think the FedEx delivery woman here at work is secretly undercover with their operation. The same goes for the lady who cuts my hair.
It's a crazy world!!! You gotta keep a lookout!!!
Full bellies and empty balls. We'll be happy as clams thereafter.
Liz-stay put!
I like your way of thinking.It's always been my experience that men like their women a little slutty in the bedroom,a tad dainty,smart,strong and,yes,motherly.A woman(such as myself :) )with these credentials should never have trouble finding a good man..They're out there.I found one,and he's my soulmate.
What a guy! Your wife must be proud! Any more like you running around?
It was an okay movie given the genre.
The show was totally consistent with the men I met dating. In Los Angeles especially. So many men here are products of single parent homes...no father...they have had their super mom do everything for them and they literally aren't self sufficient in any way....Their 45 years old, still looking for a "career", can't make a decision about anything, can't be assertive or take initiative...
I suppose they are products of the fem movement but there are some intelligent/career women who are sweet that are looking for a strong man like I was....and most are frustrated because they only find wimpy boys.
Possibly.
Intentionally mis-interpreting a Biblical passage and using it to bash believers is a popular sport. If you don't engage please accept my apologies.
I read the original post as being only devoted to what a woman should be like because that was what most of the thread was about.
Shalom.
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