Posted on 12/03/2004 6:38:40 PM PST by qam1
I look around me everyday and I see beautiful women. It could be very tempting to go out and date them. Going out every weekend to the clubs and picking up an assortment of chicks like so many kinds of chocolates in a Valentine's Day gift. But I will not!
It has taken me years, but I am finally getting over the lasting effects of "Seinfeld."
Yes, "Seinfeld." What is considered the greatest show/sitcom of all time has also been the biggest plague/curse on my life.
Students currently attending the University are part of the "Seinfeld" generation. Society has branded us "Generation X," and that might be so, but within the all encompassing "Generation X" lies a subset of post-pubescent adultlings.
Growing up, we "Seinfeldites" would come to learn of the adult world through the dark shadow that is "Seinfeld."
There are two role models for men in "Seinfeld" -- Jerry and George.
If you could have your pick, Jerry is the obvious choice.
He has lots of money, travels all the time; his crazy friends get into all kinds of amusing trouble, and he meets women faster than a shirtless Colin Farrell at a sorority house holding DVD box sets of Friends and the most recent "embattled woman fights for her rights" Julia Roberts movie.
All I am saying is that he was getting laid, constantly. He was getting the fine booty that all men crave.
This left an indelible impression on a young man. This, I assumed, was the fate of all halfway decent looking men.
Life would be like an RPG in which you find the best women you can at the time, until someone better comes along. Then you level up. The goal of the game is to get the level up as much as possible while using the least amount of continues.
However, Jerry was not the only character that has influenced our nation's youth. George Costanza or "Can't Stanz Ya" depending on your pronunciation, has left the best minds of our time with serious mental diseases and complexes.
No matter how slick you think you are, enough Costanza in your life will cause you to doubt yourself and all you believe in. George was obviously the most despicable and interesting character on the show.
He would lie his way into sex, jobs, marriage, out of marriage, fake disability, race old people in 9-volt scooters, take naps under his desk, have sex with cleaning ladies in his office and was the cheapest bastard on the face of the earth.
As awful a person as he might seem on the surface, there is a little George Costanza in all of us.
And the more you watch him, the larger that little Costanza inside you grows, until there is nothing left but a 35-year-old bald man with no job, no prospects and no reason to get up in the morning -- except to read the daily news.
Just think what kind of a result just these characters have on the psyche of children. And these are only two of many sexual deviants and immoral miscreants "Seinfeld" would propagate!
What does a boy learn by watching Elaine or Kramer?
From Elaine you learn that most women have little sense of humor and are only funny when extremely pissed off.
And from Kramer you learn that you can get by in life, with no job and no money just by mooching off the guy across the hall.
Having spent years getting over the mental strain and irregular development caused me by this show, I have filed a class action lawsuit with Jerry Seinfeld and the creators of "Seinfeld."
The suit is being brought now, in part due to the fact that the DVDs were recently released, and I fear that I will have a re-lapse and years of therapy will have been for naught.
Students can get in on this suit by going to www."Seinfeld"_ruined_my_life.com
Thank you. I never will understand why everyone here (well, mostly all the males anyway) go gaga over AC. She just doesn't have the physical attributes to be a babe.
Still, I wouldn't mind having coffee with her one day.
Reminds me of an old joke....
Old lady Effie lives in Maine. One day she goes to see Doc Cider for her annual physical. During her physical, she mentions that her love life with her husband Ephus isn't what it used to be.
Doc Cider says, "Tell me Effie, do you and Ephus have mutual orgasms?"
Effie replies, "Gosh Doc, I don't know. I'll have to call Ephus and aask him." She turns and picks up the phone on the wall and dials her home number. Ephus answers. Effie says, "Say Ephus, Doc Cider wants ta know, do we have Mutual Orgasms? Huh? Oh, ok." then she hangs up the phone.
Doc Cider says, "Well, what did he say?"
Effie replies, "Uh, Ephus says 'No'. we have State Farm.'..Ayuh."
Jurassic Park: a great chase movie with nice adults, nice kids, and neat special effects. T-Rex eats the lawyer. What's not to like? My three year old (too young to be scared) didn't even know what a lawyer is and said "MORE!" Budding genius.
Never saw Twister.
You will have a Festivus miracle..
one of the only regular shows I would set time aside to watch was Northern Exposure
It's not a New York thing...Seinfeld is hilarious...last good sitcom on TV.
L.T. SMASH!
I never saw a single episode of "Seinfeld", and I don't think I missed anything...
On the Canada trip, there was a picture of Laura and W getting off the plane in Canada with the Mounties at the bottom of the walkway. Everyone was clearly laughing at something she had said.
I was so certain she had asked something about Dudley DoRight. Naw, not Lady Laura.
Seinfeld was great commentary on the attitudes during the Clinton years.
Same here...
I thought the show was stupid, boring and full of rotten people you would rather see under the wheels of a bus.
sorry people but SEINFELD WAS/IS THE BEST SHOW.
i have not tuned into another weekly type show since that ended.
... but then ... i have my tv 'locked on FOX' now.
Kramer: Hey. Hey how was your date with Phil Titola?
Elaine: He took it out.
Kramer: It?
Elaine: It.
Kramer: Out?
Elaine: Out.
(Shocked, Kramer acts like he just got a cold shiver down his back.)
Kramer: Maybe uh, it needed some air. You know sometimes they need air; they can’t breathe in there. It’s inhuman.
I can clarify this more for you, hopefully you can glean the meaning of 'it' from the dialog. If not, I can tell you it's a common and mortifying part of modern dating.
The main character, Dr. House, is a Dr. who hates patients, he is a diagnostician (he has to figure out diagnosis of strange ailments based on the symptoms), but he figures that actually seeing the patients ruins it because as he says "patients lie". When he is forced to actually see the patients (as opposed to just reading their med history) he is the rudest, crudest Dr. you will ever meet. It's great!
And Dr. House is played by a great English actor, Hugh Laurie!
She REALLY looked like him!
Susan was way too good for George. In real life George would have never dated any of the women he dated on the show, not even his cousin.
I rarely watch primetime but there are some good sitcoms around still like Everybody Loves Raymond, That 70's Show, Simpsons, and The Evening News with Dan Rather (that is a situation comedy, right?)
You were much quicker on the uptake than I was. I was a big fan of Stan Freberg's "Time For Beany" in the early 50's. They introduced a character at one point called "Tearalong, the Dotted Lion," and I didn't make the connection until a decade later when I was removing a coupon from a newspaper.
Amazing how your mind can store odd things for long periods of time, then smack you upside the head when you least expect it...
Yeah, but what's political about "Double Dome University?"
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