President Bush Adds States that Didn’t Vote for Him to the Axis of Evil

Underneath Politics ^ | Staff

[IllumiNaughtyByNature]

CRAWFORD, TX – In an attempt to show that he will be even tougher on terrorism during his second term, President George W. Bush added the states that did not vote for him to the Axis of Evil, Underneath Politics learned.

[IllumiNaughtyByNature]

California and New York, both states that easily went for Democratic challenger John Kerry, are now considered “against us” in the war on terror. Due to the United States military being bogged down in Iraq, and invasion of California or New York is unlikely. However the administration could decide to invade Vermont because it’s very small and also went heavily in favor of Kerry.

“As of now, we plan to stick it out in Iraq and Afghanistan ,” President Bush said. “We don’t have plans to attack any state in the Union , even ones that side with the evildoers in terms of security for America .”

An interesting twist is that the District of Columbia voted overwhelmingly for Kerry. With the White House being located in the District of Columbia , George W. Bush is a resident of the Axis of Evil.

“I never thought of that,” the President said. “But if we do invade a Kerry state, we will give my supporters enough time to relocate to a state that shares their anti-terrorist beliefs. Because I am a Bush supporter living in a Kerry state I will give myself plenty of time to get back to my ranch in Crawford , Texas before we bomb the stuffing out of our nations capital.”

Shortly after September 11 th, President Bush made it clear to the world that you were either “with us or against us” in the war on terror. Most pundits didn’t think he was talking about states within America , but the President never stated that anyone was immune from joining the likes of Iran and North Korea .

The only other time Americans were added to the Axis of Evil occured when Sean Penn and Tim Robbins really pissed off the President after they gave a speech on why the war in Iraq was unjust. Mr. Robbins has since been taken off the list after Mr. Bush saw The Shawshank Redemption on television one night, a movie starring Mr. Robbins that President Bush really likes.

“This is an outrage,” says Democratic pundit Susan Estrich. “We should be able to have honest and open disagreements and vote for whoever we want without fear of our state being bombed by an illegitimate President who can’t speak in complete sentences.”

Senior Bush Advisor Karl Rove sees things differently. “Any time you have that big a collection of individuals that obviously hate us for our freedom, it’s a big concern. We almost waited too long until Hitler became too powerful for us to stop, we mustn’t make the same mistake with New Hampshire .”

Mr. Bush has a message for states like Ohio and New Mexico that he barely won. Like most of his messages, it’s very simple: “You watch your ass!

enjoy.

[texan75010]

The bombing starts in 5 minutes....

[annyokie]

This is too funny.

[RockinRight]

Excuse me, Bush didn't "barely win" Ohio!

[KJacob]

The only other time Americans were added to the Axis of Evil occured when Sean Penn and Tim Robbins really pissed off the President after they gave a speech on why the war in Iraq was unjust. Mr. Robbins has since been taken off the list after Mr. Bush saw The Shawshank Redemption on television one night, a movie starring Mr. Robbins that President Bush really likes.

Maybe he should watch Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

[Sonar5]

DUmb Author thinks DC is a State... Morons.....

[mysto]

Excuse me, Bush didn't "barely win" Ohio!
That's right... Kerry barely won PA, MN & WI

[kingu]

It might be better to draw those battle lines on census tracks, or on precinct levels. I wouldn't want to give up 29 Palms, Camp Pendleton, Miramar, etc.

[SolidSupplySide]

Timing is paramount in humor. This might have been funny if "Axis of Evil" were still a commonly used phrase. This is only slightly more funny than something that uses "up your nose with a rubber hose" as a punchline.

[RushCrush]

Maroons!

[bassoonmoo]

haha.....ping!!

[MahaMarty]

Just NORTHERN California should be bombed, we can conquer the south!

[RockinRight]

Just went to this site. Hilarious!!

I like the one about Sean Hannity staring at himself in the mirror for 2 hours. Hannity's a good man and I admire him, but that was funny!

[msnimje]

Actually, they might be charter members of the
"Axis of Idiots"

[spokeshave]

Push all the blue scum into the sea.

Maybe the bombing will cause the rest of CA to slip into the ocean.

Hear the lamentations of their women

and the ululations of the girlymen.

[Popman]

Conservative Talk Show Host Sean Hannity Stares at Self in Mirror for Two Hours

WASHINGTON, DC – Setting his alarm 2 hours before he normally wakes up, Fox News Television Personality Sean Hannity got up to look at his own reflection in the bathroom mirror today.

“I noticed that I waste too much time looking at myself in the monitors at the studio and staring at my reflection in my spoon during dinner - that’s time I should spend preparing for the show and talking with my family.”

Hannity wasn’t clear whether or not this would become part of his normal routine. “I just don’t know at this point,” he said, “two hours might be a bit much, but on this particular day it was very gratifying.

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[sgtbono2002]

I know this is a spoof , but it isnt far wrong. If you look at the places that voted Kerry ,you will see where most of the crime in the US is.

[vivabushchick]

“But if we do invade a Kerry state, we will give my supporters enough time to relocate to a state that shares their anti-terrorist beliefs."

As a resident in the Republic of Ojai,CA I am thankful for the reprieve. Oh, and make the Mary Steenburgen estate ground zero; Hildabeast may be her house guest.

[annyokie]

[arly]

This sounds like a breaking news story for Dan Rathers out of the Kinko's dispatch center in Crawford!.. hahaha