[patriciaruth]

The latest threads of our Merry Band of Patriots are

Christmas cards and letters for our Troops in Iraq and Afghanistan

Care packages and Thank-you Notes for our Troops in Afghanistan

Christmas for our Troops in Kirkuk

WRITE A THANK YOU NOTE TO A SOLDIER IN IRAQ THIS MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND

[Free_at_last_-2001]

Ok this one made me laugh:

A man walks into a bar and starts drinking in the corner, after about two hours he stands up and at the top of his voice shouts "ALL LAWYERS ARE ASSHOLES". The bar falls silent. Then there is the sound of a chair moving and a huge guy with a kerry-edwards badge stands up and goes over to the man and beats the cr@p out of him.

As he turns around the barman says "so I suppose you're a Lawyer?"

The big guy says "No I'm an Asshole"

[biblewonk]

A U.S Airborne Ranger from the top of a hill calls down to a gaggle of ragbag terrorists. So the leader sends a squad of men saying "Go get that American infidel". The squad disappears over the hill and never returns. The ranger reappears taunting them. Then the leader sends a platoon level bunch of terrorists who also disappear over the hill and never return. The Ranger returns making fun of the terrorists bearded momma's and various other classic taunts. Finally the leader musters everyone to charge up the hill after the US Ranger. As the last terrorists are cresting the hill they see several of their comrades retreating saying "It's a trap it's a trap, there's TWO of them!!!!"

[djjava]

The evening of November 3, 2004, John Kerry walked into a bar, sat down and ordered a drink. The bartender walked over to him and asked, "Why the long face?"

[Balata]

bttt

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

A gorilla escapes from the zoo and winds up in a tree in Mr. Johnson's backyard.
Mr. Johnson calls the police to report it and an animal trainer from the zoo is quickly dispatched.
The handler shows up in a truck and unloads a dog, a baseball bat, a bananna and a rifle.
He meets Mr. Johnson in the backyard and says, "I will need your assistance."
Mr. Johnson agrees and asks how he can be of assistance.
The handler says, "I'm going to climb the tree and approach the gorilla with the bananna. When I get close enough, I'll whack him on the head with a baseball bat. When he falls out of the tree, my specially trained dog here will rush over to him and chomp down on the gorilla's crotch, incapacitating him."

Mr. Johnson is curious about the rifle and asks, "I don't see where I come in and besides, what's the rifle for?"
The handler replies, "If for any reason, I fall out of the tree, for God's sake...shoot the dog!"

[Revolutionary]

The Texas Blonde

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here!"

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the copilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.

The copilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here!"

The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.

The pilot says "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says "Oh, I'm Sorry," and she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.

The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"I told her First Class isn't going to Houston."

[musicman]

John Kerry, in dire need of carrying Ohio in his 2004 presidential bid, decided he should go "goose hunting" to maybe shore up the NRA and hunter's votes.

Kerry goes and buys his hunting licence, full camo gear, and brandishing his new shotgun, paused for the pre-hunt photo ops, and then takes off with a few other hunters, and begins his goose quest.

Going quite far off the "beaten path", to remain out of sight of the press incase he comes up "empty" in his "endeavor", Kerry and crew finally see a chance for a goose as a flock finally flies overhead within shotgun range. The rest of Kerry's team hold their fire to give Kerry his chance for a "kill".


Kerry fires twice and misses, but his third and last good shot at the flock, hits it's mark and wings one of the geese. The bird does not go down right away, but injured, glides on a downward path ahead of Kerry's party and lands out of their sight near what appears to be a farmers barn and house.

Kerry's party quickly goes to redeem their "prize", and climbing over the farmer's fence that marks his property, see the goose still flapping beside the farmer's barn. Kerry quickly heads to the barn, but is stopped short of retrieving the goose, as he is suddenly met by the farmer who owns the property.

Kerry says to the farmer:"Hello, I'm John Kerry, the Senator from Mass who is running for President. I shot a goose, and it landed by the barn and I was going to retrieve it."

The farmer replies:"Yes, I recognize you Senator, but it seems like you are unfamiliar with the goose hunting rules here in Ohio. If the goose lands on someone elses property, you do not have ownership of the bird, unless you are the winner of the challenge by the owner of the property."

Kerry replies: "I didn't know about the Ohio rule challenge. What is it?"

The farmer replies:"The owner of the property gets to pick the challenge. If you refuse, I get to keep the goose."

Kerry questions the farmer: "Well, it sounds fair, but what is your challenge ?"

The farmer replies: "You and I will have a contest. The contest is, we will take turns accepting a kick to the groin, and the last one standing gets to keep the goose. Agreed?"

Kerry thinks for a moment. He doesn't want to come away from his well publicized "goose hunt" empty handed, and the farmer doesn't look very strong. The war hero Kerry says to the farmer: "Well, it's a strange challenge, but let's go for it !!"

The farmer replies: "Ok Senator, but because I am the property owner, I get to start the challenge."

Kerry agrees. He hands his shotgun to one of the members of his party, and takes an open stance ready to accept the farmer's first attempt.

The farmer approaches Kerry, and gives him such a kick, that Kerry is lifted off his feet, and crumples into a writhing ball of pain. The farmer backs away, waiting to see if Kerry will survive his first kick. Kerry groans in pain, but after a few seconds, with his friends cheering him to get up, rises to his feet.

With Kerry's party cheering him on, Kerry says to the farmer: "Well that was pretty good, but now according to your rules, it's my turn to kick you !!"

The farmer replies: "Aw, you can keep the goose !!"

[subrosa sam]

What do young women call old men hitting on them?
"Viagravation"

[Old Professer]

Wooly Bugger, my Butt!

[bayourod]

Thry this FReeper joke Thread. It msay take several tries to get thru.

[Boazo]

ping

[ntnychik]

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