Posted on 11/27/2004 2:09:54 PM PST by Valin
Plans drawn up by the Blue States to secede from the United States were scrapped yesterday, as would-be militant separatists realized "it's kinda hard to secede when you don't own any guns." The "Blue States" – the U.S. coastal areas and a few states in the Upper Midwest that traditionally vote Democratic – are feeling increasingly isolated and some Blue State People openly called to secede from the rest of the "God-fearin', sister-marryin', (and here's the key) gun-totin' Red States.
"When we were making fun of those Red State hicks," said a Blue Stater, "we never realized that, to secede, we'd need some firearms. They have guns and we don't. Onward, atheist soldiers, to Plan B."
According to a recent study, the only Blue State people with "decent amounts" of guns are "a couple thousand deer hunters" spread throughout rural Pennsylvania and "several hundred gang-bangers" in large California cities.
"Thanks to our liberal sensibilities," said an anonymous Blue Stater, "we're not even able to start a second revolution. It's difficult to set off another 'Shot Heard Round The World' when you lack the device that does the shooting."
Military analysts said the only serious attack that could be mounted by the Blue States (besides the hunters and hoodlums) was an advance on Virginia by the 5th Connecticut Watergun Regiment. "But I'm pretty sure the Virginians could defend themselves," said military historian Caleb Carr, "because they've heard of raincoats."
Sounds about right.
Oh God THATS Funny
I think we can give you a square mile somewhere around North Dakota -- since you vlue-staters love to tlive in rabbit warrens that should be plenty. Then you can demonctrate to the world the correctness of your thinking.
The Blue States inventoried the food they have in warehouses and stores and saw they would last about two weeks.
I say we make a trade with Canada, giving them New England and the west coast in exchange for the large, rather conservative western provinces. Hey, everyone could actually feel pretty comfortable with the result.
Cold, unarmed, and hungry is no way to start a revolution.
lol that is funny
The Alger county Navy found it's plans to come to the besieged city of Detroits aid a bit more complicated when workers at the Soo locks drained the locks and mooned the seamen.
And the gun areas in the 'blue states' are red counties............
This is fun article and so true
I deal with liberals all the time in Seattle. I have seen these people openly discuss violence against republicans, Christians and anyone that would vote for President Bush.
I would just sit a listen and then discuss with friends and family what I have seen. These people really don’t have a clue what is outside of there immediate city neighborhoods. Let alone what people think once they get out of the metro areas.
And the poster that said there are only Blue Cities is absolutely correct. These cities are surrounded. Literally.
Give 'em what's west of the San Andreas Fault, and then we'll pull a Lex Luther on 'em! ;)
Give the blue states what they; a tax increase. Repeal the deduction for state and city income taxes and make municipal bond interest taxable. We can then balance the budget. Also set a maximum business deduction for meals of $20. Cap the mortgage interest deduction for homes worth over $400,000. Raise the income ceiling on the Social Security tax and include investment income.
Watch your back,they may have a plan B,mocha lattes being thrown from passing Volvos.
:-)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.