OK, you won -- now get over yourselves (Dopey Roeper alert)

From the White House to Kerry campaign headquarters to TV news rooms to radio stations and newspapers across the country to the blogosphere, the "inside" word Tuesday afternoon and early evening was that President Bush was in big trouble.

That's because we were all relying on exit polls. Who knew the damn things were going to be a dependable as Ashlee Simpson with acid reflux and no voice track?

The president garnered more than 3.5 million more votes than the challenger, and he carried the Electoral College fair and square.

As you might recall, some two months ago -- long before any of the experts was committing to anything -- I laid out my state-by-state predictions for the election.

So let's see. I was right about Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, the District of Columbia, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin and Wyoming.

I was wrong about Arkansas, Florida, Iowa, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Mexico and Ohio.

Of course, that's kind of like a pilot saying, "I was great in the air, but I had a very rough takeoff and a crash-landing."

I was wrong about Florida and Ohio, and there was no way Kerry was going to win without taking one of those states.

Let's take a look at a representative sampling of the e-mails and calls pouring in from pro-Bushies. (Many supplied their names, but I'm not going to identify them, so as not to embarrass their families, friends and priests.)

"Hello Lefty. Well, you tried to swing some votes with your liberal left leanings. Didn't work, did it? You keep writing your usual crap."

"I have to laugh at how you think you actually have influence with your ridiculous column. You're no better than the rest of the Hollywood liberal elite. The only difference? You're not nearly successful enough to be considered Hollywood elite. You're the typical cheap shot liberal p---- who wouldn't have the b---- to say these things to [Bush] in an interview but you're so bold behind the computer keyboard. I don't give a rat's ass that you support Kerry. You smug little p----."

"Loved your column listing 50 reasons for not voting for Bush. It should have been titled '50 reasons why I am an a------.' Is this not a great day to be alive? The only thing that would make this day better is if we were to find out that Ted Kennedy drove his car off a bridge. Oh, that's right, he has already done that."

"Republicans win and you suck. Maybe you should stay out of politics and do what you do best. As soon as I figure out what that is I'll let you know, sissy boy."

"Bush Wins! Roeper Sucks! Real America repudiates the vile, venom-spewing, hatemongers like Michael Moore, the NAACP, Eminem, MoveOn.org, George Soros and Roeper. America has told gutter snakes like you to take a hike. The election proves you are irrelevant and America stands with President Bush! Here's your pink slip, you traitor. Adios!"

It's hard to fathom having a life so small, a heart so bitter and a spirit so sour that you'd actually hit the "Send" button on such e-mails as a means of celebration, but there you have it.

Guys: Your team won. You've got the presidency, Senate and House, the future of the Supreme Court. Not only that, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly and numerous other conservative elites are dominant in the opinion media.

This might have been Dan Rather's last big campaign coverage for CBS. With that in mind, some of his best quotes from Election Night 2004:

(An "Analyze This" joke? Possibly. But don't forget, Crystal played a political consultant in "When Harry Met Sally . . .")

(I love it, but note to Dan: Times Square "Rolexes" aren't hot. They're cheap knockoffs.)

"New Mexico, land of enchantment. Each candidate hoping it will be his land of enchantment."

"Kerry can still win it, but at this point he's got his back to the wall, his shirttail on fire and bill collectors at the door."

Hey, 44 out of 51, that's fantastic! Almost 90 percent.

86.27%. I'd say it is closer to 85%...

So why are you still so angry?

Conservatives may be dominant in "talk radio" but hardly are dominant in media in general. Partisan pinheads like Dopey Roper still have far too much opportunity for influence (he is Roger Ebert's movie critic partner). Pushing the propaganda films (er, crockumentaries) and interjecting their political opinions as jokes even in films that have no political message. F. Democrats.

Yes we won. In SPITE of the media. Kerry had no message. The left is willing to concede this now. They know that he flip flopped (because his was a coalitition of voters with conflicting views, he had to be careful to not actually say what his "plan" was).

The election should never have been this close. John Kerry was a traitor. Few Americans were even aware of the extent of his post-service Vietnam War activity. He used Michael Moore's talking points about George W. Bush's National Guard service and saw no hypocrisy in hitting the stump with a known draft dodger who penned that he "loathed the military (Bill Clinton).

Nearly 60 million Americans rose up to say HELL NO to the dominant media (domestic and foreign).

Where was the coverage of the rampant brownshirt activity from Democrats? It pushed us to the verge of another Civil War.

Where was the ACLU in all this? Where were the national headlines? Aren't these HATE crimes?

The left tried to win at ANY costs. We must never forget what all that entailed. Does the MSM think that we would forget the crap they pulled for the past 2 years?

Heads must roll at the networks and pressrooms of America.

Bush wins. Traitors lose.

This music writer suggested a mix tape for anyone DJing an election eve party for EITHER Republicans or Democrats.

In honor of that tradition I offer my mix tape for the Democrats who find themselves in a downward spiral after November 2nd/3rd. Please, no one share a needle as you nod off to this musical excursion... (new needles are best for your records)

-------------------------------------------------------

1 - Despair (Les Baxter with Bas Sheva) From Les Baxter's 1950s 10" album, The Passions comes this rarity. Les soothed post-war nerves with Pacific Rim inspired exotica. This is pure NEUROTICA. Abstract vocals from Ms. Sheva and pitched orchestra strains that would make Bernard "Psycho" Hermann cower in fear. Serves as an excellent prelude for the downward spiral.

Maybe some on the left can at least find solace in this extract of the liner notes from the album (it actually came in a BOX with a booklet, really a quality product:

The chief identifying characteristic of Despair is its bass sound. The eXtreme low musical notes should be distinctly audible on a wide range system, despite the fact that their resonancy is somewhat limited by the deadish thump of the bass drum accompanying them. < NOTE: doesn't this sound like something that NPR could be using as bumper music??? >

2 - Terror (Les Baxter with Bas Sheva) Also from Les Baxter's 1950s 10" album, The Passions, this is out of sequence from Les' original arrangement but it really is an appropriate album to return to and meld with the other cuts.
This song starts out as a typical fifties female vocal/lush orchestra cover of Baa Baa Black Sheep (find the irony in that among a demographic that votes in overwhelming numbers for one party). It then segues into a paranoid cover of London Bridge is Falling Down (This is turning into its own mega-mix). Then some gibberish moaning from Bas Sheva for awhile (akin to Yma Sumac without the vocal range). Brings to mind the phrase, "For 2 whole days, I layed(sic) in the corner drooling & making weird sounds".

3 - The Rubber Room (Porter Wagoner) NEXT STOP, THE RUBBER ROOM. Nothing is better than country music for crying in your beer.
Sample lyrics:

When a man sees things and hears sounds that's not there,
he's headed for the rubber room.
Illusions in a twisted mind to save from self-destruction.
hmm it's the rubber room.
Where a man can run into the wall
till his strength makes him fall and lie still...
And wait, for help, in the rubber room.
From his blurry vision of doom,
a psycho, in the rubber room.

4 - Your Cheatin' Heart (Hank Williams Sr.) - We will stay in the country mode a moment and pay tribute to those who tried their best to get Bush out of office but just didn't stand in line enough times on election day. This can also be taken as a personal note to those Nader voters who disagreed with Kerry's policies/history and wanted Howie "The Scream" Dean. Because of their lack of support, the Reform party will not present a taxpayer supported election funds "match" to keep a candidate from the right or the left in the race. Hillary is pleased.

5 - Insane in the Brain (Cypress Hill) This is a radical mixup from what has come before and that is just what the radicals wanted. Also this song will throw them into a dizzy tizzy.

6 - Don't Try Suicide (Queen) Michael Moore was the first prominent liberal to joke about it, MoveOn.org forwarded his "17 reasons NOT to slit your wrist" to the loyal lemmings, and now a man has killed himself at Ground Zero with a shotgun. Can we please get this song ON Clear Channel for the next week?

7 - Rocked By Rape (Dan Rather as remixed by The Evolution Control Committee) Long before "mashups" became a rage, culture jammers like the ECC were grafting some peoples words and lyrics onto other peoples beats with the involvement of neither party. Here Dan Rather presents the evening snooze over the backbeat of AC/DC's Back In Black (trust me folks, ALL of these cuts are genuine). In the song, Dan lists off a litany of disasters and tragedies. No one did more this election to illegally try to move the ball further down field and help Kerry "win".

8 - Danny Boy (trad. - Pogues version from the Straight To Hell Soundtrack, expanded 2-CD set just released in England, accompanied by Cait O'Riordan & the cast) "Oh Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling..." Exposed as a partisan hack and a fraud, this was likely the last election Dan Rather will helm.

"teetotaly moteetaly" (Babbling Dan on election night, 2004)

9 - Brain Damage (Pink Floyd) A picture is worth a thousand words.

"The lunatic is on the grass...":

10 - Hate (Les Baxter with Bas Sheva) Another of The Passions. Problems like these have to be worked through. They can require YEARS of psychoanalysis or maybe even "cleansing" by Scientologists < /sarcasm >. The hatred from the left has been consuming them from within. We all heard about the "disappearing" candidate signs for supporters of both parties but only one side had to deal with brownshirt activity like this:

11 - Teenage Lobotomy (Ramones) If you hoodlums don't settle down now we might have to give you one like Joe Kennedy did to his daughter Rosemary...

12 - We're Not The World (Culturcide and the USA For Africa "ALmost STAR" chorus) More culture jamming, this cut goes back to the mid-1980s when the lo-tech solution to making a mashup was to just sing (and play) directly over the original song. An international sensation, Culturcide remain a band with a difficult to find back catalog. Bruce Springsteen, Patti LaBelle, et al... What are these people still DOING on the stage 20 years later? Activist entertainers forget which profession pays the bills and tried to convert the masses. Church is free, y'all. $45 tickets mean you sing the damn song and keep your politics for another time. We aren't sitting quietly in the audience to hear your endorsements.

13 - Yesterday (The Beatles) Still an appropriate cut for the left. They had such hope. Today is the SAME as yesterday yet they are down in the dumps. Were they oppressed by Republicans? Move to a genuine dictatorship (one that gets 100% of the vote like Saddam and Fidel) before bitching please.

14 - Anticipation (Carley Simon) What would a liberal doom and gloom tape be without at least one 70s liberal New England fern bar singer? The left is only so down today because of their anticipation of their "payback".

15 - Lies (Thompson Twins)
A tribute to Zogby Polls, Exit Polls, Job Performance Polls, and the evening alphabet network soup, er news. Always remember, when you cook the books (accounting or surveys), always keep the genuine article in reserve so you can tell just how much you are off by. In the end, the pajama people showed the truth about those SeeBS National Guard memos. The difference between Zogbyism and McCarthyism is that there WERE Communists in US government whereas Bush WON.

lies, lies, lies, yeah
(they're gonna get you)
lies, lies, lies, yeah
(they won't forget you)

16 - Take Off (To The Great White North) (Bob & Doug McKenzie, featuring Geddy Lee of Rush) Some say that Rush's lyrics espouse Randian political theory, would "progressives" realize that they don't represent the same prog? Would they be tolerant enough to accept someone with a different political mindset? It may not matter in the end. The Canadian government has already told fleeing Americans that immigration in Canada is like their health care system; "Wait in line!". Canada only wants our draft dodgers and AWOL soldiers it seems. Better than calling for sedition against the government...

Let's end this thing on a high note. This is morning in America again.

17 - C'mon Get Happy (The Partridge Family) Come on, Mikey. Stop drowning your Soros (oops, sorrows) in a bucket of ice cream. Let's see a smile...

(lyrics by Wes Farrell and Danny Janssen)
Hello, world, here the song that we're singin'
C'mon get happy!
A whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringin'
We'll make you happy!
We had a dream, we'd go travelin' together,
We'd spread a little lovin' then we'd keep movin' on.
Somethin' always happens whenever we're together
We get a happy feelin' when we're singing a song.
Trav'lin' along there's a song that we're singin'
C'mon get happy!
A Whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringin'
We'll make you happy! Hello, world, here the song that we're singin'
C'mon get happy!
A whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringin'
We'll make you happy!
We'll make you happy!
We'll make you happy!

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.