Hello, Uranus? Got Any Room? (The Mark Morford Column We've All Been Waiting For)

San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Friday, November 5, 2004 | Mark Morford, Spends a great deal of time at Uranus

[presidio9]

I said it, you said it, pretty much anyone with a brain larger than a grape or a soul more nimble than a rock said it maybe a thousand times over. And you probably weren't even all that drunk when you said it and maybe you were even a little more than half serious and maybe you said it just like this: If Bush somehow snags another election, if the unthinkable comes to pass and the Dubya neocon nightmare refuses to end, well, that's it. I'm outta here.

Done. Over. Gone. Moving away. To Canada. Or France. Latvia. Uranus. Anywhere, really, that doesn't have Bush as leader and that doesn't make me openly ashamed to be a citizen and that doesn't make me feel like a sickened disillusioned ulcerated outcast in my own happily divisive country every damn day including Sunday.

You want a place, you say, that doesn't right this minute seem to be working heroically to make homophobia and born-again fundamentalism and pre-emptive isolationist warmongering and environmental ignorance a national religion. A place where SUVs aren't considered minor deities and where gay people aren't loathed for wanting to slice a wedding cake and where brazen heavily narcotized denial in the face of a veritable mountain of presidential lies isn't the national pastime.

Tempting, isn't it? To just move away to a sunnier, clothing-optional utopia and wait for it all to be over, for the dark days to pass and the Shrub era to sink into the tar pits of history and the fog to finally lift?

After all, most all of us on the progressive Left feel we truly faced the dragon this election, and we put up a valiant fight and marshaled as potent an army of dissenters and intellectuals and moderates and liberal crusaders and feminists

[NYC GOP Chick]

LOL, but he's still a pervert:

the karmic vibrator buzzing

you stock up on the superlative porn

take your gul-dang gay-lovin' tofu-eatin' tree-huggin' pierced-labia values with you

[najida]

OK, why don't we show our magnanimosity and each by a Lib a one way ticket out of the country. It would be very nice to live without them.

[RichInOC]

Oh, no, they didn't actually use that title.

Oh, yeah, they did.

Markie, Markie, Markie...I knew you were not going to take this well, and praise God, you did not disappoint me. God bless you, and God bless the copy editor who wrote that headline.

[finnman69]

http://poynteronline.org/content/content_view.asp?id=39527

Q: How much feedback/mail do you typically get after a column is published? And what's the ratio between mail from your fans vs. those who hate you?

A: All depends on the column. A particularly pointed anti-Bush anti-war column will get me gobs of sneering hate mail, mostly from the delirious, hardcore psychopatriots at freerepublic.com or lucianne.com or andrewsullivan.com, et al, where they post chunks of my column in their discussion forums, along with my e-mail address, and encourage each other to flame me, usually in the cutest sort of monosyllabic, ragingly homophobic, horribly syntaxed, misspelled sort of way. Makes me proud to be an American. My girlfriend loves the anti-SF gay-bashing they aim my way, I might add.

That said, the overwhelming majority of my mail is wonderfully positive and incredibly supportive. For the Morning Fix newsletter, even more so, as it's very intimate and personality driven. I have amazing readers. Incredibly passionate. And I get a lot of mail. Only a fraction is hate mail. But man, is it ever bilious.

[mississippi red-neck]

make me feel like a sickened disillusioned ulcerated outcast

Mom always said you are what you eat.

[Atlantic Friend]

Coming at a Uranus near you...

Well, no, thanks !

[bullseye1911]

Are you kidding? You could run a subway car through it.

I heard he can carry a bowling ball and six beers, no hands! ;^)

[Right Wing Professor]

Happen to know what species his 'girlfriend' is?

[mafree]

The title is soooo typically Morford- looking for space up somebody's as*

[mafree]

Michael Moore should have room he has already put the entire DNC up there.

I think Mikey's got room for all of us if we could stomach it. I couldn't.

[johnb838]

Goofiness? That's a stretch. These people have declared war on us as surely as Al-Queda, and thus far we've refused to pick up the gantlet, as surely as Clinton. The civil war isn't a theoretical possibility, it's happening today, right now.

[agrace]

Wake me up when Bush imprisons and tortures all his detractors, annexes Mexico or Canada, and lights all the oil wells in Texas on fire to spite the world.

Bravo. Well said.

[johnb838]

And frankly, John "Jenjiss" Kerry has just as much of a propensity to mangle the language as our Double-you. Let's see you try to kill an idear with an ushi.

[TenaciousZ]

we supposedly had more of the youth vote and the disenfranchised single-female vote and the "Daily Show" vote and the Eminem vote and the celebrity vote and the humanitarian vote and the antiwar vote and the gay vote and the pro-choice vote and the Howard Stern vote and the immigrant vote

Well, you never managed to have the WE THE PEOPLE vote.

[TexasCajun]

I love it!

We WON!

That makes all liberals LOSERS!!

LOSERS!!!

[Admin Moderator]

Stop spamming Keywords. Thank you.

[presidio9]

My girlfriend loves the anti-SF gay-bashing they aim my way, I might add.

Mark's "girlfriend," Steve, loves anything aimed her way.

[meyer]

Does he have any Uranus left?

He is Uranus. Well, maybe not your's, but he has definately been assimilated by his own backside.