Posted on 09/29/2004 5:34:01 PM PDT by SandRat
This forum has been too serious today and I thought everyone could use a slight break from politics to get a laugh (maybe?).
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules: Please note... these are all of equal weight, ON PURPOSE!
• Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.
• Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
• Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!
• Shopping is NOT a sport; and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
• Crying is blackmail.
• Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
- Subtle hints do not work!
- Strong hints do not work!
- Obvious hints do not work!
- JUST SAY IT!
• ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
• Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
• A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor!
• Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
• If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
• If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
• You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
- Not both.
- If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
• Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
• Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
• ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
- Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
- Pumpkin is also a fruit.
- We have no idea what mauve is.
• If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
• If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
• If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
• When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine; Really!
• Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
– Sex,
– Sports, or
– Cars
• You have enough clothes
• You have too many shoes
• I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Yes, I know, I’ll have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Yes, I've shown it to my wife.
Yes I'm sleeping on the couch tonight.
Sunday=sports too. Oh, and Monday night. And any night the Twins are on.
LMAO - I know I was male in a previous life. That's why I know my man wouldn't let me go!
Have you set up the cushions and blankets into a "fort"?
Is that the Bobsey twins or those two anorexic girls? Or that funny movie Arnold is in?
Except at sporting goods, home center, computer and book stores.
Speaking strictly for myself.
Ping.
This is very funny! Thanks for the laugh.
I have a few rules I could add to this, but first I have to take out the garbage and then clean the garage.
"I am in shape. Round is a shape."
LOL, good one. On the toilet seat issue, however, and this is series, put the thing down along with the lid, particularly if you don't like the sound of your dog slurping in the night. This is not a hint.
Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! I know some girls that are going to see this!
No flames from me. I think it's hysterical. I loved "ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings."
Except at sporting goods, home center, computer and book stores.
Even in those cases, it's not a sport. It's a deadly-serious hunt.
I also would like to add this one...
If you want us to communicate, feed us first.
Women are not allowed to use the word "NO" except when standing.
Adherence to this one rule will make all others irrelevant.
We also love Mexican food. You know what it does. Get over it.
Actually, I think it's funny!
If we like you, we'll come to you with a new pair of roller skates:):)
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