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My contribbution:

WHAT RETIRED PEOPLE DO

Last week, I went to town. I Parked and went into the grocery store. I was only in there five minutes, but when I came out, a cop was writing a parking ticket. "Aw, come on, couldn't you give a senior a break?" I asked. The cop finished the ticket and placed it under the windshield wiper. I became irate and started berating the cop. He started writing another ticket. I persisted, and the more angry I got and the more curse words I used, the more tickets he wrote. He put them all under the windshield wiper. I really didn't care, though. My car was parked around the corner, but this car had a Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker on it.

More Kerry humor

"There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said, 'I do.'" —Craig Kilborn

"John Kerry speaks French fluently. Democrats are saying he's one in a million. A war hero who speaks French, isn't it more like one in a trillion?" –Jay Leno

Kerry says U.S. will win 'Court Battle on Terror'.

Letter from the President:

You may know they have released John Hinckley from the mental facility for unsupervised visits to his parent's home on weekends. For those of you who may be too young, or too old, to remember, John Hinckley shot President Regan to impress actress Jodie Foster. This is such a nice letter from the president.

THE WHITE HOUSE

WASHINGTON D.C.
Mr. John Hinckley
St Elizabeth's Hospital
Washington D.C.

Dear John,

Laura and I hope that you are continuing your excellent progress in recovering from your mental problems. We were pleased to hear that you are now able to have unsupervised visits with your parents. The staff at the hospital reports that you are doing fine. I have decided to seek a second term in office as your president and I would appreciate your support and the support of your fine parents. I would hope that if there is anything you
need at the hospital you would let us know.

By the way, are you aware that John Kerry is screwing Jodie Foster?

Sincerely,
George W. Bush
President

A couple oldies, but goodies:

One sunny day in 2005, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry."
The Marine replied, "Sir, Mr. Kerry is not President and doesn't reside here."
The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Kerry is not President and doesn't reside here."
The man thanked him and again walked away. The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Kerry. I've told you already that Mr. Kerry is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"
The old man answered, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow!"

G. W. Bush and John Kerry somehow ended up at the same barbershop.
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Kerry in his chair reached for the aftershave.
Kerry was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife Theresa will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse."
The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?"
Bush replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

Little Johnnie was in his 4th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up including fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc.

Johnnie was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and make love with him for money. "

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the the children to work on some exercises and took little Johnnie aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said Johnnie, "He works for the Democratic National Committee to elect John Kerry, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.

During a campaign tour of the Apache Nation Wednesday, Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry said he had a plan to increase every Native American's income by $40,000 a year. Senator Kerry refused repeated requests for details of his plan, however. He also told the Apaches that during his Senate career, he has voted YES 9,637 times for every Indian issue ever introduced.

Before his departure, the Apache Tribe presented the Presidential candidate a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, Running Eagle.

After Kerry left, tribal officials explained that Running Eagle is a bird so full of $hit it can't fly.