Posted on 09/27/2004 10:26:37 AM PDT by paulklenk
My brother passed along the following John Kerry joke. It is one of the only Kerry jokes I've heard, so if you have any others, post them here:
"JOHN KERRY IS A SAINT"
John Kerry recently asked his priest to make an announcement from the pulpit during mass that 'John Kerry is a saint.' He thought it might help his bad image with Catholics and assist him in getting elected.
The priest was taken aback by the request, and couldn't think of a rebuttal. Having nothing to say, he let Kerry go his own way, then went home and prayed about it.
By the next Sunday, the priest had solved his problem. He made the following announcement:
"Brothers and sisters in the Lord, I have prayed over a matter this whole week, and I feel it is my Christian duty to inform you that Senator John Kerry, who is currently running for the highest office in our land, is a lying, two-faced, wife-divorcing, money-grubbing, pleasure-seeking, veteran-betraying, America-hating coward."
"But compared to Senator Kennedy, John Kerry is a saint."
The second one is my favorite. Thanks for posting it.
Little Johnnie was in his 4th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up including fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc.
Johnnie was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and make love with him for money. "
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the the children to work on some exercises and took little Johnnie aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," said Johnnie, "He works for the Democratic National Committee to elect John Kerry, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.
Before his departure, the Apache Tribe presented the Presidential candidate a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, Running Eagle.
After Kerry left, tribal officials explained that Running Eagle is a bird so full of $hit it can't fly.
Yes, I have heard that one, but it bears repeating!
Today I read a real article in which Kerry described himself as a 'tall horse'.
I have NO idea what that means.
Try this one:
POTENTIALLY OR REALISTICALLY
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?" The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with John Kerry for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Bill Clinton for a million dollars, and ask your brother if he'd sleep with Terry McAuliffe for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with John Kerry for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great college!" .
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Bill Clinton for a million dollars? "The girl replied, "Oh my God! I adore Bill Clinton! I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Terry McAuliffe for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million could buy?"
The boy pondered that for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The boy replied, "Yes, sir.. Potentially, we're sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two whores and a queer."
tee hee!
Now THAT is funny.
Ah HA! Another version of the SAME JOKE! What are the chances of THAT happening!
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