Posted on 09/27/2004 10:26:37 AM PDT by paulklenk
My brother passed along the following John Kerry joke. It is one of the only Kerry jokes I've heard, so if you have any others, post them here:
"JOHN KERRY IS A SAINT"
John Kerry recently asked his priest to make an announcement from the pulpit during mass that 'John Kerry is a saint.' He thought it might help his bad image with Catholics and assist him in getting elected.
The priest was taken aback by the request, and couldn't think of a rebuttal. Having nothing to say, he let Kerry go his own way, then went home and prayed about it.
By the next Sunday, the priest had solved his problem. He made the following announcement:
"Brothers and sisters in the Lord, I have prayed over a matter this whole week, and I feel it is my Christian duty to inform you that Senator John Kerry, who is currently running for the highest office in our land, is a lying, two-faced, wife-divorcing, money-grubbing, pleasure-seeking, veteran-betraying, America-hating coward."
"But compared to Senator Kennedy, John Kerry is a saint."
LOL!
funny pinggggggggggg
Glad to brighten your day.
Thanks for the ping!
Havent heard that one yet. Good one.
Thanks for the laugh!
By the way, we joined FR about a week apart from each other.
Did Election Fiasco 2000 drive you nearly to insanity, too?
:-)
ping a ling.
Heard the same joke, but it started when Terrazo Heinz-Kerry agreed to donate $10 million to the Catholic Church in return for the Pope stating that "John Kerry is a saint."
My contribbution:
WHAT RETIRED PEOPLE DO
Last week, I went to town. I Parked and went into the grocery store. I was only in there five minutes, but when I came out, a cop was writing a parking ticket. "Aw, come on, couldn't you give a senior a break?" I asked. The cop finished the ticket and placed it under the windshield wiper. I became irate and started berating the cop. He started writing another ticket. I persisted, and the more angry I got and the more curse words I used, the more tickets he wrote. He put them all under the windshield wiper. I really didn't care, though. My car was parked around the corner, but this car had a Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker on it.
"There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said, 'I do.'" —Craig Kilborn
"John Kerry speaks French fluently. Democrats are saying he's one in a million. A war hero who speaks French, isn't it more like one in a trillion?" –Jay Leno
Kerry says U.S. will win 'Court Battle on Terror'.
Yes, it did!
That's a good variation.
I credit FR for helping me to retain what sanity I had left by early December.
I even lost weight because I could hardly eat during those crazy weeks.
Not eating's a sure sign that I'm not myself.
:-)
I must confess I am biting my nails about this race. During the recount, I stood outside in Times Square for a month each evening, even in the snow, with a Sore Loserman sign. Did this for 3-4 hours per night.
humor ping
Letter from the President:
You may know they have released John Hinckley from the mental facility for unsupervised visits to his parent's home on weekends. For those of you who may be too young, or too old, to remember, John Hinckley shot President Regan to impress actress Jodie Foster. This is such a nice letter from the president.
THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON D.C.
Mr. John Hinckley
St Elizabeth's Hospital
Washington D.C.
Dear John,
Laura and I hope that you are continuing your excellent progress in recovering from your mental problems. We were pleased to hear that you are now able to have unsupervised visits with your parents. The staff at the hospital reports that you are doing fine. I have decided to seek a second term in office as your president and I would appreciate your support and the support of your fine parents. I would hope that if there is anything you
need at the hospital you would let us know.
By the way, are you aware that John Kerry is screwing Jodie Foster?
Sincerely,
George W. Bush
President
Oh, my.
We loaded up the kids every weekend and attended the Freeps in Houston.
It was great stress-relief!
One sunny day in 2005, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry."
The Marine replied, "Sir, Mr. Kerry is not President and doesn't reside here."
The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Kerry is not President and doesn't reside here."
The man thanked him and again walked away. The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Kerry."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Kerry. I've told you already that Mr. Kerry is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"
The old man answered, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow!"
G. W. Bush and John Kerry somehow ended up at the same barbershop.
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Kerry in his chair reached for the aftershave.
Kerry was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife Theresa will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse."
The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?"
Bush replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
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