Posted on 09/25/2004 11:49:44 AM PDT by Publius
Our intrepid leader, W, prides himself on being a man of strong faith. It is no secret that he turns to God for guidance. If three hurricanes in a row slamming into Florida right before the 2004 election isn't a clear sign from the Almighty that he wasn't pleased with how things went in that state in 2000, I don't know what is. Even George should be able to interpret that sign!
This upcoming election is starting to scare the great citizens of the state of Washington. A recent CNN poll on swing states showed that Washington was the only state that supports John Kerry even more than it supported Al Gore. Another recent survey showed that Seattle was the most educated city in the United States. Correlation? Hmm. If the rest of the more conservative, less educated citizens of the United States decide that W is a great leader and he gets re-elected, it's time for desperate measures.
Here's what we do and how we pull it off: We secede. That's right, we leave the United States and become our own nation. Not forever, just for four years, then we apologize and rejoin the union. First order of business is finding a new name. Because we share our name with our nation's (that's ex-nation's) capital, we are the only state in the union that has to be preceded by the words "in the state of" or called "Washington state" to avoid confusion over what Washington is being discussed. It makes us sound like we all live on a campus in Pullman.
For this story I'm calling our new nation Cascadia ... we can vote on it later. President Bush can't stop us from seceding. What's he going to do? Go to war with us? That would be a political nightmare that even the Bush administration could comprehend. Although we do have an operating nuclear plant and probably the best nuclear scientists in the world working at Hanford, Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld may see us as a threat and decide we need to be taken out. Think twice, Rummy, Wolfy, etc.
Here's where we got 'em: We lead the nation in the production of hops and grapes; we are the home of Microsoft and Starbucks. Yeah, that's right. We control the beer, wine, software and caffeine in this country. Now who needs whom? Maybe you want to negotiate with us, or we cut off the beer, wine, coffee and shut down all the computers. Did I mention that we build all the jets that are produced in this nation? Oh, yeah, we lead the nation in the production of both hydroelectric and wind power. We export energy from Cascadia -- lots of it!
Lights? Heat? You might need those. Will you guys need any food? Besides hops and grapes, Cascadia also leads the nation in the production of apples, cherries, raspberries, lentils, pears, spearmint and wrinkled peas. That's right, I said it: wrinkled peas, baby! We're No. 1. We also make the top 5 list in apricots, peppermint, fall potatoes, plums, wheat, barley and cranberries. Hungry? I thought so. Oh, did I mention that Cascadia is also a leader in lumber, fishing, cattle and dairy production? I'm telling you, they can't touch us! We got what they need!
Imagine what Cascadia would be like if we took all our federal taxes and kept them here. First, the price of jets, beer, wine, coffee, food, energy and software will be going up in the United States. We'll be rolling in dough. New Alaskan Way Viaduct? Done. Light rail from British Columbia to Oregon? Done. New highways? Done. Universal affordable health care? Done. Improved schools? Done. Everybody will be employed in Cascadia's booming economy.
We will look like Eden to the rest of the country; flop sweat will appear on W's head every time someone mentions Cascadia. It'll make him crazy. He'll ask to come visit but since we are now an independent nation, guess what? We tell him we're not interested. Millions of people will want to move here, but since we are an independent nation we only let in whom we want, when we want. Our property values skyrocket! The conservative farmers on the eastside of Cascadia, who initially hated the idea of secession, are all onboard when they see the price their crops are bringing when they can start sending them anywhere in the world.
Of course, we love being Americans. After four years, when we've fixed and built everything we need, we tell the United States that we are ready to rejoin. At that point we control the 2008 presidential election. We simply tell the citizens of United States which president we'd like to see in office and they vote him (or her) in, it's a done deal. The new Democratic president comes to Cascadia to accept us back in the union and everything is forgotten. Americans are now very well aware of where their software, caffeine, beer and wine come from. And we keep our new name -- just to be sure there's no confusion.
Brad Upton just celebrated his 20th year as a stand-up comedian and 48th year as a resident of Cascadia.
Of course some states, like New Hampshire, have a Constitutional Right to Revolution... ;0)
I was poking fun at the suggestion of a state leaving the union - but you have opened up some interesting paths to consider - if it were truly a plan :)
For fun - how about this(again for fun) - Having had the forces under Clinton's control(his managers) for the eight years - might it be reasonable to consider "people" were put in place to carry out what is needed - when it is needed - ? How many people would it take -? Would it be as easy to do as "thought" - ?
As I said - this conjecture(guesswork) can go all over -
But - I can see how much brain power is needed to cover all angles of any "plan" that "may" come into play - :) Sort of gives you an insight into what it does take to manage a country - in one respect -
All we need to lose is about a hundred miles of Pacific Coastline.
Where's Lex Luther when we need him?
Haven't seen any numbers yet, and they just finished their 1st debate. Rossi is putting out some really great ads though!
See Post #82.
You're assuming that a Democrat wins in 2008. You may find President Rice even less to your liking. She doesn't suffer fools glady, so she definitly won't care for you.
President Bush can't stop us from seceding. What's he going to do? Go to war with us?
Yeah, he wouldn't have to. Most of the state is fairly conservative. You'll only control everything from Seattle to mid Tacoma (everything South of that is where people from Ft. Lewis and McChord AFB eats lunch. They won't be succeeding anywhere). That's a lot of people, but not a lot of resources.*
*(Translation) Within a week even the most die hard vegans will be eating each other.
I'm calling our new nation Cascadia .
After you start eating each other, you can change the name of Seattle to 'Pyongyang-by-the-Bay'.
Millions of people will want to move here, but since we are an independent nation we only let in whom we want, when we want.
You support this?!? Maybe you're not so bad after all. Let's talk about a little place called Mexico, and our plans for a great big wall...
At that point we control the 2008 presidential election. We simply tell the citizens of United States which president we'd like to see in office and they vote him (or her) in, it's a done deal.
Yep, nothing like sage political advice from unwashed cannibals prowling the streets of a rotting metropolis.
If there is any secessionist fervor after the election, I'm convinced it will come from the twelve overwhelmingly Democratic coastal and Bay Area northern California counties. The alienation here from, and anger at, "flyover country" and its pro-Bush sentiments, are truly frightening, and I've heard more than one liberal activist speak seriously of a separatist movement if W wins. Of course, no strategies or tactics are ever considered, but that's never stopped people like this from throwing violent temper-tantrums when political decisions don't go their way. (I'm a survivor of the '92 LA riots, and am too aware of the power of spontaneous mob violence.)
I happen to believe in the right of secession. So......Don't let the screen door hit ya in the ass on your way out!
Stupid reporter.
Civil war? I'm in. Meet you at Fort Redmond. : )
I'm here at Fort Shoreline, and the place is surrounded by the enemy.
I must have missed something, is having a monopoly on Starbucks and Microsoft (a monopoly on a monopoly, how nice) supposed to be a good thing?
ROTFL... I'm at Fort Mukilteo right now...
How fast do you think those companies would bail out of the Socialist Utopia (especially one in the middle of a state-level civil war?)
I'm forwardly deployed in Belltown. I will stand until relieved.
I am sure that come Nov 3 Seattle would go along with the idea but the rest of the state would not and Seattle has very little of the industry and farming. If Seattle wanted to leave on its own I would say good riddance but we won't ever let you rejoin the United States.
I think the word you're looking for it 'Utopia', not 'Eden'. It sure sounds like you're describing Utopia. A real workers paradise if I've ever heard one.
The problem here is that you're not thinking broad enough. You should really get some friends to seceed with you. Oregon, Vermont, Massachusates,etc. You should go with a nice happy name like 'Union of Soviergn Socialist States' or 'The Berkely Pact'. Something to show your solidarity with your fellow progressive revolutionaries.
Anyone have any ideas on other good candidates for succession or names for the new utopia to be?
You should check in with FReeper "Clemenza". He moved from Fort Brooklyn -- truly hostile terriroty -- to Fort Belltown during the summer.
ROTFLMAO.
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