Posted on 08/02/2004 5:49:37 AM PDT by BluegrassScholar
Edited on 08/02/2004 10:43:46 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
Carrie is 2 years old, with curly brown hair and Windex-blue eyes. In a still-life portrait, she would be adorable. In three dimensions, she's a cross between a Gerber baby and the Tasmanian devil. Bang. Bang, bang, bang, and bang and bang.
That's the noise of the plastic water cup she is whacking against the ceramic-topped table of a neighborhood coffeehouse whose concrete floors function like an echo chamber. If she had a hammer she would have destroyed the table by now, and I'm pretty sure her parents would've let her. People look up from their lattes, squint at the diminutive figure making the big, ear-splitting noise, and try to continue with their newspapers or conversations. The banging goes on for a good 10 minutes. Normally, I would say something -- I'm not shy about these things -- but I'm curious to know just how long her parents, with whom I'm having coffee, will let this go. The answer: Indefinitely. They don't even seem to notice. Maybe they're just used to it?
On some primal level, Carrie must be offended that she's not the center of attention. There is anger in her banging, along with what I read as malice. As she grows even more restive, her father lowers her to the floor. Still clutching the cup, Carrie crawls through the room, pounding on the concrete floor as she goes along, giving everyone an up-close earful of her drum solo.
A few weeks later, I'm at a party, mostly adults with a few kids sprinkled in, among them the volcanically unruly 5-year-old son of a friend. As I squat down to greet him, he responds by biting me in the arm, leaving teeth marks through a shirt and a sweater. I am just about to spank his little behind when I realize I'm in dangerous territory. People go to jail for that these days.
Bratty behavior in church always annoys me. Many years ago, I grabbed a child who was running around in the moments between Sunday School and worship services, whooping and yelling, and lectured him about his behavior and how it wasn't appropriate for God's house. I really didn't care if his parents saw me or not. They let this kid terrorize everyone, including themselves, all because they'd never discipline him.
When everything is equal nothing is significant.
Ouch.
bttt
I have seen many of the same things and wonder:these kids are our future,what kind of future is that. A generation of spoiled-never-told-no people in a world of diminshing resources,laws banning the mention of God,overpopulation and the spread of TROP. Not very bright future to me.
"You shouldn't kick this window because it's a very special window," he tells his son. "See how the frame ..." "
I am amazed at parents who will try to explain something in a way that the child can't understand. Seen it many times. Just do what we did - cause you'll get a spanking if you dont' quit. Thank goodness our daughter is bringing up her two babies that way. Marshal (who will be 2 in Sept) liked (note the word likED) to throw his food off the high chair to the floor. Krisi made him pick up every piece of it. He wailed and tried to stop early, but she insisted - actually she told him he'd get "it". He learned by 21 months that he better behave. A friend of our oldest daughter who lives in Beaumont would resort to a little pinch on the leg to get her kids attention when they were in the store (not too hard but just enough to remind him what he'd get if he didn't stop)
I don't think it is that thought out. Most parents with bratty kids know their kids are brats and they are just hoping to survive. The child becomes the bully, controlling the parents with their behavior. The parents have to submit or risk unpleasantness. The parents want to stand up to the kdis but it costs too much. They allow the kids to go crazy at home and basically run the house. When they get in public, the parents have already surrendered authority and the best they can get is a possible stalemate. A stalemate is a win for them.
My mother, the liberal, thinks our kids are too "free" but won't allow discipline because she "never spanked us". This new mother of mine obviously replaced the mother I had growing up who practically killed a Forsynthia bush on my ass. But CNN tells her that discipline is wrong so she now thinks it is wrong and she never did it.
No should be reinstated immediately. Kids don't reason.
I think originally the idea behind that was to give the child a choice, while limiting the choices so the child couldn't run wild. In other words, letting the child choose a pear or an apple gave them some "power" (which they do so crave!) without opening the possibility of "a bag of chocolate chips" for a snack. Your take on the approach is interesting, though. Right now, my husband and I are struggling with how best to manage our not-quite-two year old, especially at restaurants and church. I am trying out that "1-2-3 Magic" book, because I'm hoping for a well behaved child without having to yell all the time! I find myself torn a lot because I don't believe in giving in to a child, but I also don't think a public "discipline scene" (scolding, child crying, etc.) is much more courteous to others. I agree with the poster who said that there are some places you just don't take kids. The part of this article about basements/rec rooms was really interesting... now I'm much happier about the design of my house! Right now it is a pain but I guess it will pay off later....
bump for later reading
Don't get me started about the brats of "friends".
But then these are the people who think words are reality.
I think life is physical. What happens when "word" people run up against the laws of physics? They lose.
In my elementary school, this was called "The Lightfoot Hold" because the technique was perfected and applied with great gusto by my favorite teacher, Miss Lightfoot.
Guaranteed to put the most disobedient student straight down into their chair.
I call "Perfect child parent syndrome". My husband is still tying to be the friend of our 19 yo and our 14 yo. I on the other hand, have been labeled the witch since I am the disciplinarian.
There was a study done a few years ago re ADD and they learned that when kids spend a lot of time in front of the tv/pc/video games...there is a part of the brain which shuts down. the brain is entertained without having to do much work on its own. Taking the tv away resulted in improved behavior after a week or so. The article did warn parents who reduced or eliminated tv etc to be prepared for the kids saying "I'm bored" for a few days until their brain adjusted to the lack of visual stimulation. LOL
I think it depends on the child. Some kids are by nature more introverted --- they don't crave a lot of attention from strangers. Some kids are show offs by nature.
Some kids can handle choices --- and you can teach them early to have a mind of their own --- which could help them make wise choices when they're 12 or 13 and peer pressure starts.
Brats! Why Are So Many Parents Afraid To Say "No?"
Passive aggressive parenting, parents only wanting to be their kids "friend" instead of guidance teacher and liberal laws teaching kids to literally get away with murder
To me that's worse --- some kids need to be removed when they're misbehaving or just left home in the first place. Some kids aren't wired to be brought into public places, they're incapable of sitting still and are better off at home. Some kids can't handle the stress of being in public, they're unhappy in a crowded place.
I think smart parents know ahead of time if their child is likely to sit quietly or act up and should judge better.
With all the bravado and passion a kid could muster he hollored, "I hate you, you F%$^ing B*&ch. " Stopped me dead in my tracks.
I watched them all the way to their car just to see if his head would start spinning around.
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