I think originally the idea behind that was to give the child a choice, while limiting the choices so the child couldn't run wild. In other words, letting the child choose a pear or an apple gave them some "power" (which they do so crave!) without opening the possibility of "a bag of chocolate chips" for a snack. Your take on the approach is interesting, though. Right now, my husband and I are struggling with how best to manage our not-quite-two year old, especially at restaurants and church. I am trying out that "1-2-3 Magic" book, because I'm hoping for a well behaved child without having to yell all the time! I find myself torn a lot because I don't believe in giving in to a child, but I also don't think a public "discipline scene" (scolding, child crying, etc.) is much more courteous to others. I agree with the poster who said that there are some places you just don't take kids. The part of this article about basements/rec rooms was really interesting... now I'm much happier about the design of my house! Right now it is a pain but I guess it will pay off later....
I think it depends on the child. Some kids are by nature more introverted --- they don't crave a lot of attention from strangers. Some kids are show offs by nature.
Some kids can handle choices --- and you can teach them early to have a mind of their own --- which could help them make wise choices when they're 12 or 13 and peer pressure starts.
To me that's worse --- some kids need to be removed when they're misbehaving or just left home in the first place. Some kids aren't wired to be brought into public places, they're incapable of sitting still and are better off at home. Some kids can't handle the stress of being in public, they're unhappy in a crowded place.
I think smart parents know ahead of time if their child is likely to sit quietly or act up and should judge better.
Picture 4 boys, ages 10, 9, 7 and 2, at a restaurant.
The first time we "acted up" we got "THE LOOK!"
The second time we acted up, we got a rap across the knuckles with the back of a spoon.
The third time, we got sent out to sit in the car while the rest of the family finished their meal.
It only took once to be sent out the car before I knew what was expected of me in a restraints.
Of course, now-a-days with all the butt-in-skis out there, you would fine yourself charged with "Child endangerment" if you left a child alone in a parked car.
I didn't discipline in public. If I had to discipline while at church or a store or restaurant, we went to the restroom or the car. That made a bit more of an impression too, I think, because it imposed a sort of ritual on it. Discipline has to be fairly immediate with small children. Once they're older, it's easier to use other things, like not buying the toy they want or not letting them have dessert or just waiting till you get home. The important thing is to let them know what you're going to do and why....and then follow through. If you don't, you are, in effect, rewarding bad behavior and teaching them not to believe what you say. The key to effective child discipline is effective self-discipline.
Unfortunately, too many parents take the path of least resistance....at the moment. A child who has no firm and consistent boundaries will always be testing them because he needs to know where they are to feel secure. Parents who don't provide that will face one challenge right after another, even when their kids reach adulthood. The streets and prisons are full of these "adults" who never had limits that they couldn't maneuver around.
Have you ever noticed that children without appropriate boundaries never appear happy?