Posted on 08/02/2004 5:49:37 AM PDT by BluegrassScholar
Edited on 08/02/2004 10:43:46 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
Carrie is 2 years old, with curly brown hair and Windex-blue eyes. In a still-life portrait, she would be adorable. In three dimensions, she's a cross between a Gerber baby and the Tasmanian devil. Bang. Bang, bang, bang, and bang and bang.
That's the noise of the plastic water cup she is whacking against the ceramic-topped table of a neighborhood coffeehouse whose concrete floors function like an echo chamber. If she had a hammer she would have destroyed the table by now, and I'm pretty sure her parents would've let her. People look up from their lattes, squint at the diminutive figure making the big, ear-splitting noise, and try to continue with their newspapers or conversations. The banging goes on for a good 10 minutes. Normally, I would say something -- I'm not shy about these things -- but I'm curious to know just how long her parents, with whom I'm having coffee, will let this go. The answer: Indefinitely. They don't even seem to notice. Maybe they're just used to it?
On some primal level, Carrie must be offended that she's not the center of attention. There is anger in her banging, along with what I read as malice. As she grows even more restive, her father lowers her to the floor. Still clutching the cup, Carrie crawls through the room, pounding on the concrete floor as she goes along, giving everyone an up-close earful of her drum solo.
A few weeks later, I'm at a party, mostly adults with a few kids sprinkled in, among them the volcanically unruly 5-year-old son of a friend. As I squat down to greet him, he responds by biting me in the arm, leaving teeth marks through a shirt and a sweater. I am just about to spank his little behind when I realize I'm in dangerous territory. People go to jail for that these days.
Reason: GUILT !!
That is exactly it. Our daughter is quite the drama queen and lord knows what she's told her friends' parents in order to get maximum sympathy. (BTW... she did "live a little" that day. Thank you, Bill Clinton.)
Taliesan the poet in the Arthurian legend. Regards!
Hope that helps a bit!
TMI. I have a daughter(10)
I discovered that the value of spanking is the total attention getting derived by the act. Now that you have the attention of the little savage tell him/her what is expected, acceptable, PERIOD. No Feedback!
I remember at the age of 4 0r 5 pitching a fit because my parents were going to leave me with Grandma for the weekend. I wanted to go with them. Grandma shood them out the door assuring them I would be just fine. They left. SHe shut the door, slapped my cheek and told me to behave, turned around and left the room. I did! I remember thinking I would never try that again around her. I didn't. And I loved her. She meant what she said and said what she meant. A pleasure to know her.
>>I have been known to look kids nearby sternly in the eye and tell them in very stern tones that I didn't like their tone of voice. <<
I once told my neighbor's daughter that I did not care how she spoke to her mother when I was not around but she will not be rude to her mother when my children are around to hear.
The neighbor no longer speaks to me.
Had one similar experience--son's teen girlfriend and her obsessed mother. Always wanted to maneuver more "private time" for the two young things. Had absolutely no support for my concerns about chaperonage--
I was barely able to control the situation--the only thing that saved the day was when the girl suddenly porked out after quitting the sports team. Teen boys dump fat girls.
I know. I'm 47, dh is 49. We have 3 children, 29, 23, and 12, the grandchildren are almost 4, 2 1/2, and 2 weeks old. They ALL live within 1 mile, and I babysat off and on all weekend, and cooked dinner for EVERYONE at my house at least 5 times in the last two weeks. Some days, we had extra guests (great grandparents.) I'm spread so thin some days I feel like a piece of old bubblegum on a hot asphalt parking lot. On the other hand, I'm definitely NOT lonely, and having my grandchildren say, "I wanna go home with you, Grandmother, is such a kick.
My daughter-in-law's father is 58 and has 2 children, 6 and 4. If I start to feel sorry for myself, I think about him. ;-D
I have told my 3 kids that they are absolutely not allowed to kick the seat in front of them and if they do I will tie their feet to the arm rests. The last time we flew back from Salt Lake City my 5 year old son sang the theme song from Sponge Bob Square Pants for 2 hours without stopping. The people sitting in front of him wanted to kill him and I was really embarrassed until the flight attendants told my how rude and hateful the people were to them. The flight attendants said they enjoyed Sponge Bob, all 2 hours of it. But at least he didn't kick the seat.
My mother tells me what brats my kids are and how I was such a perfect child I would never do what they do. I told her compared to their peers they aren't too bad. She saw some of their peers at my son's birthday party and said they were little savages with oblivious parents.
Because kids don't like to hear no?
Sorry :-(
Your examples are proof that children age 5 and under should only fly if caged and in the cargo hold. :-)
My dad would tell us that on Saturday at 3:00 we would get it with a belt.
By Saturday at 2:00, I had heart palpitations and my throat would be closing with fear.
Anticipation can be a form of torture!
I was never given a spanking with a belt. He would walk into the room snapping the belt as myself or my sisters would be in hysterical tears.
"Have you learned your lesson?" he would ask.
"OH YES!" we would cry. Then he would brush the belt against our rumps and give us a hug.
"Never do it again....."
Worked every time.
1. START EARLY. When they start flopping around when you are changing their diapers, smack them.
2. BE CONSISTENT. If the behavior is a spanking offense, SPANK EVERY TIME IT'S DONE. Otherwise, change the rules.
3. KEEP YOUR PROMISES. If you promise punishment for a certain infraction, DO IT. DO IT EVERY TIME (see 2 above)
good.
For some silly reason, I'd never made the connection. Must have been where Frank Lloyd Wright got it from.
i agree with everything you wrote, except the above comment... at the age of 12, the girl will learn more from experience--especially negative experience than having her mother moniter her every move... she made the decision to wear the shoes and ignore her mother's advice... i doubt she will continue to wear stupid uncomfortable shoes to the store (she might continue to wear them elsewhere, however.)
my comment to the daughter would have been, "well, now you know better."
Protecting your kids and giving a valuable life lesson to neighbor kids . . .
if the neighbor was so stupid as to pull away for that . . . probably wasn't worth that much of a relationship anyway.
Her loss.
Still, sad.
Bump to read later
We took the TV away from our 3.5 year old after we learned about this in May. He was difficult to deal with for a week or two. He was having a hard time because he had not learned how to "play". It took several weeks for him to get acquainted with the toys in his toy box. One day he actually sat down with an ABC board that I bought when he was very small. Within a few weeks he was teaching himself the sounds that the letters make and how to put them together to make words. Needless to say he is now teaching himself to read. He is allowed to watch movies when we go to Grammies house, but after he always acts up. Watching TV is really bad for kids, I have seen how bad first hand..........
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