Posted on 07/28/2004 4:40:28 PM PDT by Mr. Silverback
Do men still want to get married? Or has a culture of casual sex and cohabitation made men lose all interest in marriage? A new report from Rutgers University provides some fascinating insights into a subject that’s often misunderstood.
Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe in “The Marrying Kind: Which Men Marry and Why”—part of Rutgers’s annual “State of Our Unions” report—write that we know less than we think we do about young men and their attitudes toward marriage. They note that young married men are hardly ever portrayed in popular culture, as if there are none. “Yet . . . in 2002, there were 9.5 million married men between the ages of 25 and 34. And contrary to the popular stereotype, the typical thirty-something guy is a married guy.”
Moreover, many men in the 25-to-34 age group have positive feelings about marriage. Ninety-four percent of young married men that the authors surveyed “say that they are happier being married than being single.” And although many of the young single men in the survey planned to delay marriage for a while, only one in five does not intend to marry.
It’s encouraging to know that so many younger men still hold marriage in high regard. As Whitehead and Popenoe point out, marriage changes men in ways that dating and cohabitation don’t. Being married improves men’s health, finances, job success, and other aspects of their lives. And in turn, the authors say, “marriage includes a norm of male altruism.” It teaches men to put their family’s needs ahead of their own and encourages them to work to better their society.
Unfortunately, there’s also some bad news here. Our culture still isn’t doing a very good job of preparing men for marriage. Men are freely offered alternatives, like cohabitation, that damage their attitudes toward women as well as their understanding of marriage. This may be why the evidence suggests that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce.
So it’s worth asking what factors encourage men to get married and help them build successful marriages. What Whitehead and Popenoe found isn’t surprising: Men with strong religious faith and men raised in intact two-parent families “are significantly more likely to marry and to have positive views of marriage and family life.” Interestingly, men from traditional families also had a better view of women than did young men from single-parent households.
These findings are backed up by a recent book titled Soft Patriarchs, New Men: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands. Author W. Bradford Wilcox analyzed an enormous amount of data about three groups: conservative Protestants, mainline Protestants, and those with no religious affiliation. He came to a conclusion that doesn’t surprise us: that is, conservative Protestant men come closest to the ideal of what a husband and father should be. Contrary to popular stereotypes, these men are more affectionate and more “engaged emotionally” with their wives and children. Their faith directly inspires their view of their role in the family.
So there’s no need to despair just yet about the state of marriage. There are still quite a few men out there who are “the marrying kind”—men inspired by their Christian worldview.
That will attract a certain kind of woman. Not the kind I'd like any sort of long term relationship with.
Bump to read later.
Just a minute...
You are painting a rather large brush over a population of very GOOD conservative, honest, grateful (and not greedy) women who's voices are unfortuately are drowned out by the media and the feminazi revolution.
We all know how the media is biased, right? Well, think about what you "hear and read."
You sound just like these "negative, doom and gloom" women men don't want anything to do with. Don't make the same mistake. She might be right under your chin
(but, as a woman speaking here, yes...stay away from the screwy ones! They ruin it for the rest of us!)
Sorry to answer a question with a question, but:
So tell me, why overturn 228 years of American legal tradition just because some judges are acting out of line? Don't screw with the laws, impeach the morons!
Note: If the State has no place in marriage law (to ensure uniformity of application of the law, for instance) why didn't the Founders turn it over to the Church?
amen, brother!
Not necessarily. If a woman in a women's studies program declares herself publically to be a lesbian, forsakes the razor, does volunteer work as an escort at the local abortion clinic and writes papers filled with man-hatred, she will get a PhD even if she is dumb as a stump. Don't ever underestimate the tendency of academics to reward those who think like them or are at least willing to fake it. This tendency is proportional to the level of education being sought, and to some extent the prestige of the school, and it is inversely proportional to the usefulness of the degree in the real world. For example, a business or law prof will probably take a lot more guff than a women's/minorities studies type.
Take the Ritter twit mentioned in the column I gave you the link to: There are easily a hundred colleges where a student who wrote a paper criticizing Ritter for her lack of factual backup would be crucified and a student who praised her for her bravery in standing up to all those nasty Stepford Stay-at-homes would be on her way to an A in the course.
You have hit the nail on the head. Many go to China, where despite communist backgrounds,etc. there still resides a deep moral base, a sense of hard work, no only in the job market, but in relationships (no throwing in the towel quickly), and no feminism. Women are treated well, with respect there, but they also value their marriage as the center of their life, not their career or job. They are used to living with not as near as much materially as us, and having a rich life(in non monitary terms). Family is vital to them. Not like the yuppie fake snobs that have encroached into my part of the country, who when you say hello, look for a rolex and a armani suit and a lexus nearby before responding.
Don't let the fact that the game's rigged scare you, son.--Robert Heinlein.
Thank you. a friend of mine just got divorced because he found and married one of those millions. He was happy when she cheated on him, because he could divorce her with a clear conscience and find a real wife. The worst part is, up until she pulled that stunt she wasn't a bad person, just the wrong one for him to be married to.
Well THAT is one of the saddest stories I have heard in a long time.
That is going to cost that poor girl about $7,000 to fix not playing with a mask.
Check up on her and see how she is. She is going to be freaked.
You could meet somebody just skating regular, and as I said:
Bowling, groups within organized churches, special interests clubs in your area like computer groups and especially cooking classes for you would be a slam dunk!
Ditto!
Quite true. Conversely, a woman happy with herself possesses an almost magical charm.
Unfortunately, many woman equate self-confidence with arrogance. From your comments on this thread you're are obviously not one of those :-)
nah I don't think being a beotch is good for a man's health :)
Persian men need to go find Persian women here in America if they are the original generation who came over.
There is a genuine problem with their values compared with American values.
When my sister went to court ordered mitigation, the person who was there said lying is a normal part of the Iranian culture, so my sister was right, but that is who they are.
This Persian tried to force my sister to abort a child, stoled her furniture, expensive books, expensive collectibles and despite owning three houses, finds it a horror to pay his child support and owes her $40,000 at this time.
Their culture is a sick culture. I would tell all American women to run for the hills unless the person they are dating are American born men of Iranian origin who spent their whole life here and are actually Americans. Outside of that, the ones coming over are trouble.
Every story here in California I hear about was trouble, every one of them.
I'm afraid I have to disagree with you.
I paid for the birth of the child the Iranian husband refused to pay for and the child now has OUR family's last name and not the cursed family name of the father.
God I really am a genius.
younger people nowadays are even more superficial than the boomer generation, and that is really, really superficial...
But,they are out there....
if women expect to get a good husband amongst the drinkers, druggers, strip-show goers and lazy types that are floating around, they have another thing coming....
and if men think they are going to find a quality lady to marry at the strip club, or at the tavern downing shots, then they too have another thing coming.....
But again, the worthy men and women are out there.....you just have to look in the right places....
actually in the begining it WAS left to churches. Churches recorded all births, deaths and marriages.
There was inconsitency and so local and state governmetns took over.
For example immigration USED to be a states only issue. States used to be able to take care of federal immigration. As you know the feds took over that. (not well but they did)
An excuse to slip this classic (over 1400 posts) into the discussion Why White Men Prefer Asian Women
Disclaimer: My wife of 11 years is Japanese.
You live and learn, or you don't live long.
When the ship lifts, all debts are paid; no regrets.
there are plenty of areas that are isolated....
fact is, New York has many black bears,some moose, and many, many deer, as well as a growing turkey population.....
to have that much animal life, there has got to be habitat .....
I am a native upstater and it makes me mad that people don't know the "real" New York...the one with the many apple orchards, and dairy farms, and maple syrup farms, and the wineries......the one with the Adirondecks and the Catskills and the Allegheny's
Its too bad that the likes of Hitlery and New York city has ruined the reputation of the entire state........
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