Posted on 07/28/2004 4:40:28 PM PDT by Mr. Silverback
Do men still want to get married? Or has a culture of casual sex and cohabitation made men lose all interest in marriage? A new report from Rutgers University provides some fascinating insights into a subject that’s often misunderstood.
Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe in “The Marrying Kind: Which Men Marry and Why”—part of Rutgers’s annual “State of Our Unions” report—write that we know less than we think we do about young men and their attitudes toward marriage. They note that young married men are hardly ever portrayed in popular culture, as if there are none. “Yet . . . in 2002, there were 9.5 million married men between the ages of 25 and 34. And contrary to the popular stereotype, the typical thirty-something guy is a married guy.”
Moreover, many men in the 25-to-34 age group have positive feelings about marriage. Ninety-four percent of young married men that the authors surveyed “say that they are happier being married than being single.” And although many of the young single men in the survey planned to delay marriage for a while, only one in five does not intend to marry.
It’s encouraging to know that so many younger men still hold marriage in high regard. As Whitehead and Popenoe point out, marriage changes men in ways that dating and cohabitation don’t. Being married improves men’s health, finances, job success, and other aspects of their lives. And in turn, the authors say, “marriage includes a norm of male altruism.” It teaches men to put their family’s needs ahead of their own and encourages them to work to better their society.
Unfortunately, there’s also some bad news here. Our culture still isn’t doing a very good job of preparing men for marriage. Men are freely offered alternatives, like cohabitation, that damage their attitudes toward women as well as their understanding of marriage. This may be why the evidence suggests that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce.
So it’s worth asking what factors encourage men to get married and help them build successful marriages. What Whitehead and Popenoe found isn’t surprising: Men with strong religious faith and men raised in intact two-parent families “are significantly more likely to marry and to have positive views of marriage and family life.” Interestingly, men from traditional families also had a better view of women than did young men from single-parent households.
These findings are backed up by a recent book titled Soft Patriarchs, New Men: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands. Author W. Bradford Wilcox analyzed an enormous amount of data about three groups: conservative Protestants, mainline Protestants, and those with no religious affiliation. He came to a conclusion that doesn’t surprise us: that is, conservative Protestant men come closest to the ideal of what a husband and father should be. Contrary to popular stereotypes, these men are more affectionate and more “engaged emotionally” with their wives and children. Their faith directly inspires their view of their role in the family.
So there’s no need to despair just yet about the state of marriage. There are still quite a few men out there who are “the marrying kind”—men inspired by their Christian worldview.
Actually, Brazil and the US are not that different. But the gal I like comes from Nordeste Brazil which wants to secede! There is no more conservative woman than her! Catholic like me, too! I gave her a little US flag when she went back from vacation. She sent me a little Brazil flag and a kilo of powdered coffee that would keep you awake for days. And some nice CDs. We're of course checking each other out by email. We are so alike it's amazing. She turned me onto a friend of hers thats an IT guy in Woodland Hills. Good family.
So to sum up, marriage has an average statistical net cost of 25% of your property? Hmmm... I'm sure there is a clever futures/options/insurance angle that could be worked in here.
I suppose one could rephrase the marriage calculus this way: Would you be willing to give up 25% of your property for a 50-50 shot at a successful marriage?
Stating it that way puts an interesting perspective on the nature of the decision.
Geeze, folks there is no state marriage per se. It is a recording of the marriage because the all volunteer system was woooofully inadequate when it came to inheritance and legitimacy.
As long as you are a notary you can sing the ompaloompa song, sign the papers and marry the man and woman. You don't even need the song.
Marriage is about children and the continuation of society. Society, and our Republic, rewards the insitution. It is not there to reward an individual in that institution.
Marriage to a US citizen can also confer citizenship, you do not want that to removed to some wacko open borders church.
LibreOuMort, can you shed light on this for cyborg's sake? Kheilimamnoon a'Ghraidh! *\;-)
LOL thanks hehehe I don't meet Persian guys too often. Somehow they get put off by my mom though :(
You mean "scrawny," I think. *\;-)
Ann Coulter wrong an interesting article which said that if you take out the remarrage to the same person out of the equation, the divorce rate drops to the high 30's. (38-39%)
Does not make it much better, but better is better.
I have long advocated that the first change in divorce law should be to make a consequece for the divorce. IOW may have to keep fault, but if you do something to cause the divorce (cheat, steal, proven abuser) there should be a price. There should not be a "cash out" attitude to a divorce.
LOL
Then your mom's doing something right --- go watch that Sally Field movie --- Not Without my Daughter and give your mom a big thank-you.
I think it is jealousy. Imagine how woman "X" reacts to woman "Y" who is able to chose to be home and take care of the children whild the husband works. AKA the traditional family. Every family like that is a failure of liberalism/leftism and they have to marginalize it somehow.
Yeah, my sister married an Iranian once who owned a 7-11.
Liar, cheat and a horrible person. Outside of that, go for it.
I very rarely get asked out by middle eastern guys because of my mother. Plus many think American girls are sluts and if a guy does talk to me, it's because I've made my politics known to him.
If your a single male and looking to get married, there is one thing to keep in mind to improve your chances - a woman's degree of attraction to you will increase substancially if you possess the following traits: abusiveness, violent, cocky, drug/alcohol addicted, criminal record, etc.
And sometimes we need to realize the Lord set us on a certain road for good reason; "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil..."
Think about it -- How many of us were we to have the opportunity to live at the Playboy Mansion would actually wind up seeing the Pearly Gates?
LOL!!
I suppose one could rephrase the marriage calculus this way: Would you be willing to give up 25% of your property for a 50-50 shot at a successful marriage?
Stating it that way puts an interesting perspective on the nature of the decision.
On a personal level I accept your calculus as I have been divorced, but I will not give up on the idea of marriage. Of course, I have changed my personal odds as well, but that is mere methodology.
But for a lot of men, they will not accept those odds.
I can shed light on this discussion - as one who dated Persians both in Iran and in the US. I can tell you from first-hand experience that the Persians in their own country are different from the ones who "got out." Mind you, I was in Iran in 1973 and life was thoroughly different then. Back then the women of Iran were free to pursue their dreams for higher education and emplyment in any area they liked. They were free to wear western clothing and to follow western ideas - in fact they were encouraged to do so. The men in Iran wanted their wives to be all they could be as it reflected positively on them and their families. There were more women sitting in the Majlis (Parliament) than there were in our House of Representatives and in our Senate in Washington DC. Sharia law notwithstanding, the women of Iran in 1973 were very westernized compared to Pakistan and Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia (just to name a few other Islamic countries).
Of course life in the villages was vastly different than life in the Capital city of Tehran. In the villages, the Mullahs ran things pretty much as they wanted - except where His Supreme Highness Mohammed Reza Shah Pahlavi found their excesses to be ridiculous. He put a halt to their reign of terror by confiscating their lands and giving them back to the people from whom the lands had been "stolen." That made him very unpopular with the Mullahs whose goal was to totally Islamize Iranian culture.
Iran (Persia) was not moslem until it was run over by Islam. The so-called religion of peace massacred the Persiam culture by subjugating it. For all that, Persians remain doggedly independent in their thinking - so much so, that observers of their culture could characterize them as contentious.
Persians living outside their homeland today tend to blend in with the prevailing culture while retaining their own culture in the privacy of their homes. Some people would characterize this as disingenous. But, after the incredible hostility they met abroad, who would blame them for "hiding?" Certainly not I. Given the same circumstances I would not want to reveal my origin either.
Most of the Persian men I have met since returning to the US are extremely intelligent, friendly, courteous (in ways our Amercan men used to be many years ago) hospitable and honorable. It is a matter of personal integrity for them to present themselves "as they are." The Persian men I know are honest, hard-working and very family oriented. Their families are literally their world. The Iranian society I came to know and love put God first and family right up there after. Persian men were taught to respect women (even revere them (as Roman Catholics do the Virgin Mary)and to protect them with their lives. Persians are all taught to respect authority (including parents) and live honorable lives. I don't find Persians to be any different from what you would call decent, ordinary, everyday Americans. Most living here have become Americans, adopting our country as their own. We would do well to recognize the Persian ex-patriate community for its vast contributions to the advancement of our country in the past three decades. As we have welcomed immigrants from other nations, let us not forget the Persians.
Please give the Persian men a chance. You might find them worth a second look.
Unfortunately, I play ice hockey. Most of the women who play (and there are some, believe it or not) aren't exactly marriage material... hehehehe.
Actually a poor girl got hit in the face tonight with a puck during our summer league game. Broke three of her teeth and cut her lip really bad. Not five minutes before she got hit, we were all remarking how unwise it was for her to play without a face-shield. One guy said, "What kind of a girl plays hockey without a shield? One who is ugly... or who wants to be..."
I hope not. There's fit, and there's scrawny. She's scrawny.
LOL well my aim is to be fit :)
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