Posted on 07/28/2004 4:40:28 PM PDT by Mr. Silverback
Do men still want to get married? Or has a culture of casual sex and cohabitation made men lose all interest in marriage? A new report from Rutgers University provides some fascinating insights into a subject that’s often misunderstood.
Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe in “The Marrying Kind: Which Men Marry and Why”—part of Rutgers’s annual “State of Our Unions” report—write that we know less than we think we do about young men and their attitudes toward marriage. They note that young married men are hardly ever portrayed in popular culture, as if there are none. “Yet . . . in 2002, there were 9.5 million married men between the ages of 25 and 34. And contrary to the popular stereotype, the typical thirty-something guy is a married guy.”
Moreover, many men in the 25-to-34 age group have positive feelings about marriage. Ninety-four percent of young married men that the authors surveyed “say that they are happier being married than being single.” And although many of the young single men in the survey planned to delay marriage for a while, only one in five does not intend to marry.
It’s encouraging to know that so many younger men still hold marriage in high regard. As Whitehead and Popenoe point out, marriage changes men in ways that dating and cohabitation don’t. Being married improves men’s health, finances, job success, and other aspects of their lives. And in turn, the authors say, “marriage includes a norm of male altruism.” It teaches men to put their family’s needs ahead of their own and encourages them to work to better their society.
Unfortunately, there’s also some bad news here. Our culture still isn’t doing a very good job of preparing men for marriage. Men are freely offered alternatives, like cohabitation, that damage their attitudes toward women as well as their understanding of marriage. This may be why the evidence suggests that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce.
So it’s worth asking what factors encourage men to get married and help them build successful marriages. What Whitehead and Popenoe found isn’t surprising: Men with strong religious faith and men raised in intact two-parent families “are significantly more likely to marry and to have positive views of marriage and family life.” Interestingly, men from traditional families also had a better view of women than did young men from single-parent households.
These findings are backed up by a recent book titled Soft Patriarchs, New Men: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands. Author W. Bradford Wilcox analyzed an enormous amount of data about three groups: conservative Protestants, mainline Protestants, and those with no religious affiliation. He came to a conclusion that doesn’t surprise us: that is, conservative Protestant men come closest to the ideal of what a husband and father should be. Contrary to popular stereotypes, these men are more affectionate and more “engaged emotionally” with their wives and children. Their faith directly inspires their view of their role in the family.
So there’s no need to despair just yet about the state of marriage. There are still quite a few men out there who are “the marrying kind”—men inspired by their Christian worldview.
So, tell me:
Why should our government marry you or anyone?
As with anyone, that is usually self correcting, as anyone who reaches beyond his or her own intelligen tends to do poorly in school. For example, teaching nuclear physics to someone who isn't good in math doesn't get that person very far (to say nothing of the likely final exam grade).
It isn't as much the where as the faith of both. If both have a sincere faith in God, they are more likely to work through rough patches.
I moved to California from Texas. I was not corrupted. My husband and I have been married for over 10 years. We are not being corrupted by society.
My kids are being raised well. They go to church. They respect adults. They don't cuss. They are nice. They are doing well in school.
We hang out with a nice group of people from our church, our neighborhood, and our kids school.
It's not wealth that counts.
I was dating a successful woman with a mansion and making big big money. As a lawyer, she lived her career and read even while sitting still at home while others watched a movie.
She was pressed for time for any life, though she was busy as a divorced person with a child.
She had no time for anything and lots of stuff.
Maybe it would be best to marry one but to move to their country so they wouldn't get a chance to get corrupted.
Two words: YOUR POINT?
50% of all marriages here lead to divorce. The woman almost ALWAYS wins at least half your property.
So .... going into a marriage with those odds is enough to scare men away from marriage
Do you realize that the phrase "run around" is a double entendre?
That's a good point.
That would work.
But only as long as their culture and strong family ties last in a fast changing world.
But even the economic and political adjustments aside, most American men would probably be ill adjusted to the kind of strong family obligations that usually exists in cultures where marriage thrives.
Holy cow, what area of NY could leave a person isolated?
I lived in NY long ago and it is pretty populated everywhere.
As far as shy, well have friends get people for you then.
Friends who would know both of you would probably be better at finding a match for you than you would find yourself.
Yikes --- then they've got the same problem as American women!
Not just in Calif, BobS. Feminizm has taken over all over the US unfortunately.
...there are less and less women around that men feel they are safe marrying. Reasons why I say that, you ask? I honestly believe that more and more women are being trained by society, and not their parents.
Divorce is easy and convenient, as the woman generally wins out. Women have become increasingly selfish. Feministic views have really started to make the "Men are stupid" stereotype more common with women.
M_Airman, Women have taken on the stereotypical role of men, the four F's. The degradation of their character as a result is abominable.
And the effects on Families is disastrous.
Selfish, yes. Sad.
I would be much more concerned with the lack of WOMEN of the marrying kind. They all want to do it, but not stick with it.
Yea that has turned into a real myth. That women want commitment and men don't.
Maybe it used to be that way, but now (and I believe it was already like this) many men want commitment.
And the women use this against them, and want to have "fun" and drop their responsibilities to be free of the "entrapment" of marriage and family.
Many women talk about commitment, but some of them are more committed to their pets then they are to their husbands.
And they control the sex. (Big revelation, huh? LOL) And use that power to subjugate men.
FierceDraka:
I lost all interest in marriage when I got divorced and found out I was simply being used as her meal ticket
FD, I knew a woman that didn't have to work and lived a life of luxury and because of that and a good insurance plan stayed married until her husband caught on.
Or maybe better than looking in prison would be looking in a welfare office or WIC clinic --- at least the likelihood of finding women who don't run their lives like men and who have no interest in a career or job would be quite high. And they're unmarried.
True, you could help her have her 7th child by a 7th father as well.
I can tell you stories of third-world immigrants who had a happy marriage in the third-world, but within a few years of moving to America, their wives mutate and turn on their husbands like rabid dogs.
It is the same with the children of immigrants: Those families come here looking to make money and live high on the hog, but in the process their children grow to run wild, which is a dreadful price to pay for financial prosperity.
Of course they thought THEIR children would behave the same as they did in the old country.
And so men think foreign women will behave the same.
But women fall prey to similar influences.
Hang on. I'll get back to your post in time.
I could tell you many of the same type stories --- it almost seems worse for those who move here from 3rd world countries. The wife starts arguing back, the kids start thinking they don't have to obey.
Yes --- and at least you know she's interested in having children.
Actually on Long Island it can get pretty isolated :) Right now I'm working on speaking up and not being so introverted. A female with bad self confidence is a drag on a guy I think.
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