Posted on 06/28/2004 11:52:56 PM PDT by JohnHuang2
I don't know why they just don't call it "The Bible for Idiots."
That would be a better name for the new translation approved by Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams.
Instead, it's called "Good as New." Sounds like something that should be sold only in a used bookstore. Williams' hucksterism for this new translation seems determined to give used-car salesmen a bad name.
What's wrong with it?
Let's see. Where do I start?
Not only is the translation dumbed down to the level of a 21st century third-grade student suffering in the clutches of the government school monopoly, not only is it bad literature, not only is it unfaithful in every way to the original texts, it also flatly contradicts traditional scriptural tenets on sex and personal morality.
When I saw the first report on the "Good as New" Bible, I felt certain it was a parody, a hoax, a late April Fool's Day joke.
But this is apparently a serious attempt to undermine traditional beliefs. It's a serious attempt to rewrite the Bible according to the misguided, wishful thinking of the world of political correctness.
Judge for yourself.
This translation turns all "demon possession" into "mental illness."
It renames the "Son of Man," or Jesus, "the Complete Person."
Parables are rendered "riddles."
To baptize is to "dip" in water.
"Salvation" becomes "healing" or "completeness."
"Heaven" is "the world beyond time and space."
But it gets worse when you see this nonsense in context.
Take, for example, Mark 1:4. The King James Version reads: "John did baptize in the wilderness, and preach the baptism of repentance for the remission of sins."
The "Good as New" version?
"John, nicknamed 'The Dipper,' was 'The Voice.' He was in the desert, inviting people to be dipped, to show they were determined to change their ways and wanted to be forgiven."
The KJV translation of Mark 1:10-11 reads: "And straightway coming up out of the water, he saw the heavens opened, and the Spirit like a dove descending upon him. And there came a voice from the heaven saying, Thou art my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased."
The "Good as New" version?
"As he was climbing up the bank again, the sun shone through a gap in the clouds. At the same time a pigeon flew down and perched on him. Jesus took this as a sign that God's spirit was with him. A voice from overhead was heard saying, 'That's my boy! You're doing fine!'"
The KJV translation of Matthew 23:25 reads: "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!"
The "Good as New" version?
"Take a running jump, Holy Joes, humbugs!"
The KJV translation of Matthew 26:69-70 reads: "Now Peter sat without in the palace: and a damsel came unto him, saying, 'Thou also wast with Jesus of Galilee.' But he denied before them all, saying, I know not what thou sayest."
The "Good as New" version?
"Meanwhile Rocky was still sitting in the courtyard. A woman came up to him and said: 'Haven't I seen you with Jesus, the hero from Galilee?" Rocky shook his head and said: 'I don't know what the hell you're talking about!'"
The KJV translation of 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 reads: "Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: [It is] good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, [to avoid] fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband."
The "Good as New" version?
"Some of you think the best way to cope with sex is for men and women to keep right away from each other. That is more likely to lead to sexual offences. My advice is for everyone to have a regular partner."
The KJV translation of 1 Corinthians 7:8-7 reads: "I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn."
The Good as New" version?
"If you know you have strong needs, get yourself a partner. Better than being frustrated."
I know it seems like a joke, yet Williams, the head of the Church of England, says this new translation has "extraordinary power." He says he hopes it will spread "in epidemic profusion through religious and irreligious alike."
If it does, which I doubt, it will be for one reason: This Bible translation is designed to make sinners feel better about themselves and what they do. It is designed to take the focus off of God's eternal and inerrant Word and raise the self-esteem of people who don't want to know better. It is designed to blur the distinctions between right and wrong in a world that rejects the notion of absolutes.
Which raises the question, I wonder how the "Good as New" version might translate Matthew 5:18: "For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled."
Is anyone else wishing for an Inquisition about now?
Lenny (from "Of Mice and Men"):
Daahhh! What's an idiot boss? I dunno what dis guy's talkin' about. Canterbury? Is dat like a raspberry? Lenny likes those! Yum-yum.
Yes.
C'mon, be honest!
The thought crossed your mind.
LOL!!
My mouth is hanging open in shock!
*** He says he hopes it will spread "in epidemic profusion through religious and irreligious alike."***
It will, in fact, help the spread of the epidemic of irreligiousity.
Watering down christianity in England is what's causing a lot of problems. When did Europe ever prosper so much? At the height of christian fervor IMHO.
Curly to Moe, "Moe, I tried to think but nuttin happens"!!!
I hope it's not illustrated. The mind reels.
Actually, it didn't, which is strange because the thought of an Inquisition usually DOES bring that movie to mind. :)
I did think of the game Medieval: Total War, though.
Man, you couldn't have picked a more apt description of the subject of this article.
I can't wait for Rev. Schemp's interpretation of the Apocrypha!
Somehow, I always seem to be falling short of my goals.
It's like that B.A. I got in American Studies. If I had only held out for another semester or two, I could have snagged an English major!
And then, just think what I could have made of myself.
(Sigh.)
Many people cannot accept what the Bible says. Some attempt to pick or choose what they believe while ignoring the rest. For example, a popular talk show host on Fox once admitted he only believes what Jesus said, implying he ignores the apostles. Other people, even worse, attempt to twist the Word to mean whatever they want, then attempt to spread their false gospel to others.
If the Bible is true, and I believe it is completely, 100% true, these Bible-distorting people deserve our pity. They are going to Hell. Not only that, but those who intentionally try to lead others from the truth are going to be held responsible for every soul they help destroy.
I thank God for His merciful patience! May all unbelievers repent and be saved before His anger is unleashed!
Video games are great in moderation. I used to be such a game head... then I went to high school and didn't have time anymore.
You forgot the "BARF & GAG" Alert.
What a great idea. Redefine the parts of the Bible that are inconvenient to your lifestyle. God will understand (rolleyes). No wonder church attendance is dropping with this kind of warmed over rubbish.
Keep praying, their is a dying world of lost souls out there!!
Though I loved playing Narc.
By the way, the dudes who put to together Grand Theft Auto
owe the creators of that game an apology. Barring that, they should give them half of the royalties they've made from the sale of that game.
My most auspicious accomplishment in the gaming world was defeating Double Dragon III.
Other than that, there's really not much I can brag about.
Are you sure that was not "Archbishop" Rowan Atkinson?
ping
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