Email from Cooter - Sir Flopsalot

We—Boudreau and me, Cooter, and the rest of the guys down to Daryl's Bait Shop—are pleased that you took our advice in our previous e-mail to you and shot down that trial balloon you floated a couple of weeks ago. You know, the one where you were gonna refuse the nomination of your Party at the Convention in Boston so you could raise campaign funds and beat the McCain-Feelgood law restrictions. You did manage to minimize the damage to your campaign. But it shouldn't have happened at all.

You have to remember that the #1 rap they got against you is your habit of flip-flopping. A Texas cartoonist, our friend B.Bass, has pinned the nickname, Sir Flopsalot on you for that reason.You got to be careful when you float a balloon. You got to make sure it ain't a flimsy rubberized gasbag but is composed of kevlar-over-steel and can withstand anything your opponents and even your friends can shoot at it.

Me and Boudreau recommend in the future when you feel you just must float a balloon to find out the way the way the wind is blowing, you do it privately. We feel it ain't in your best interest to take a public poll. Down here in Lagniappe, we don't place much stock in polls. We have found in general—we're not pointing fingers at anyone in particular—people tend to lie to pollsters if they speak to them at all.

For instance, suppose your pollster intends to telephone 983 people (representing the whole U. S. of A, mind you) at dinnertime to find out whether you should do this or the other. The telephonees aren't under oath, and they are prolly mad at you for calling in the first place. So when they are asked what they think, they are likely to tell you to take a long walk off a short pier, which isn't helpful, obviously, and ruins the poll math. Or they might get perverse and tell you exactly the opposite of what they believe, Sure, they might as likely tell you the truth, but how would you know the truth from Abner's off-mule?

Then, when you are tabulating the results of your poll, you discover you have called 2103 people to get the number of responses your statistician wanted, and of course you can't keep that many people quiet like a pot of grits. Either way, you are certain to be found guilty of flip flopping. We don't say that is fair, but that is the way it is.

So, we recommend you e-mail us and we will test it privately. Me or Boudreau will arrange to sort of bump into Armen Yazoo casually. Then we will ask whatever question you want. We won't tell Armen it is from you. We will just act nonchalant. Whatever answer Armen gives, yay or nay, will be a sign that you should do the opposite. And it will be hush-hush.

Like we've said, we don't think polls are what they pretend to be, but we have noticed—it's been all over the ‘Net—that your poll numbers go up when you are laying low, not talking on every subject with members of the Press. We are not sure what advice to give you on account of this. Perhaps it will become clear in a month or two that you should retreat to a comfortable rocking chair on your porch on your Beacon Hill house, and set yourself to rocking and looking presidential and cheerful without saying nothing. We will let you know when we have made up our minds.

In the meantime, we recommend you put a muzzle on Al Gore, Jr. We are aware he is not your man, that with the exquisite timing which he is famous for, he endorsed former Governor Dean just before the Iowa caucuses, but as far as we know he is a Democrat so what he says in public reflects on you. To put it charitably, Mr. Gore seems to be out of balance. The spectacle of him imploring President Bush to expunge Rush Limbaugh is mostly humorous but also sad and pathetic. You don't want people thinking, thank God he wasn't elected President. From there, it as an all too easy jump to saying the equivalent about you before the election in November.

Likewise, we think your approach to the economy is way off base. You keep painting a picture of a sick America, but all the economic indicators, jobs, profits, and manufacturing, are booming. Yet you keep presenting America as a basket case. We can't say we favor that approach. It is gloomy, besides being untrue.

Finally, we must again question your use of the slogan, Let America Be America, Again, which you snatched from a poem of Langson Hughes. We were wondering what kind of America Hughes was plumping for. We are grateful to William F. Buckley, Jr., who is a Yale like you and President Bush, for answering that question by unearthing this poem by Langston Hughes.

You know, the one where you were gonna refuse the nomination of your Party at the Convention in Boston so you could raise campaign funds and beat the McCain-Feelgood law restrictions.

Where was McCain when this was floated and why didn't he speak out against it?

Nevermind; I already know.

2 posted on 06/04/2004 4:17:39 PM PDT by South40 (Amnesty for ILLEGALS is a slap in the face to the USBP!)

This Cooter guy flat cracks me up!

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