Posted on 05/28/2004 3:10:25 PM PDT by swilhelm73
Vatican City - A visibly angry Pope John Paul II told reporters today that he has “done the ecumenical thing but now it’s time to take off the gloves and start up a new Crusade.”
The Holy Father said that he didn’t think that Muslims were serious about “reform” and cited his recent dialogues with Muslim leaders as being “a lot of hot air.”
“Talk, talk, talk, but do I see any action? Nooooooooo,” said the Pontiff. “Religion of peace, my a**. If they want a jihad, we’ll give ‘em a jihad.”
An army of 10 million soldiers is assembling just outside the city limits of Rome and is expected to invade Saudi Arabia within the next week. In preparation for the Crusade, the Hummvee Corporation has been given a contract to build a new armor-plated Popemobile complete with a top-mounted machine gun and rocket-propelled grenades.
“We’ll be celebrating Christmas in Mecca this year” yelled a defiant John Paul as he led a visiting delegation of high school students from Des Moines, Iowa in a stirring rendition of “Onward, Christian Soldiers.”
In response to the forthcoming Crusade, Secretary of State Colin Powell said that it is the stated policy of the United States not to become involved in religious disputes. Mr. Powell also said that the sale by the United States of several hundred nuclear weapons to the Vatican did not violate the constitutional separation of church and state since the weapons will only be used by the Vatican for “humanitarian purposes.”
I know it's a gag, but I am wondering if maybe this isn't what it's going to take.
I will go to church and light several candles for their success. lol I wish this article was true.
Yeah, and I guess he is gonna allow John F'in Kerry to take communion, too!
Maybe the next Pope.
Pope John Paul II becomes Pope notso-Innocent I?
If the Pope is going to call for a crusade, he should remember that charity begins at home. Since Pope Innocent III calls for the Albigensian Crusade in the 13th century against heretics in France, the current Pope should probably start by preaching for a crusade against infidels in France now.
Problem is, the Italians couldn't even crack the French lines in 1940 with a 32-6 divisional advantage and while the Germans were rolling through Northern France like Sherman through Georgia.
Old Europe is hopeless.
LOL! Well, along with Lady Thatcher & President Reagan, he did help tear down that wall, didn't he?
Before uttering that famous battle-cry:
Deus vult! (God wills it!)
here's how Blessed Pope Urban II (Felicis Memoriae i.e. Of Happy Memory), at Clermont in 1095, described the outrages suffered by fellow Christians at the hands of the militant Mohammedans:
"The [the Mohammedan Turks] have invaded the lands of those Christians and have depopulated them by the sword, pillage, and fire; they have led away a part of the captives into their own country, and a part they have destroyed by cruel tortures.... The circumcise the Christians, and the blood of the circumcision they either spread upon the altars or pour into the vases of the baptismal font.
"When they wish to torture people by a base death, they perforate their navels, and dragging forth the extremity of the intestines, bind it to a stake; then with flogging they lead the victim around until the viscera
having gushed forth, the victim falls prostrate upon the ground. Others they bind to a post and pierce with arrows. Others they compel to extend their necks and then, attacking them with naked swords, attempt to cut through the neck with a single blow. What shall I say of the abominable rape of the women? To speak of it is worse than to be silent.... On whom therefore is the labor of avenging these wrongs and of recovering the this territory
incumbent, if not upon you?"
Would that he did. LOL
This is exactly what it is going to take.
Hilarious! I was eating dinner while reading this and nearly spit out my dentures. (That's rather sad when you think of it, eating dinner in front of a computer. Oh well.)
Actually, I was pleased to see that the hubby and I are not the only ones who dine al computero! :-)
I only wish there was an army of ten million ready to jihad the bejeesus out of that third world hate group.
1. Islam is a religion of peace
2. Christians living under muslim rule were happy and carefree.
3. The Christians are always wrong
4. Ignorant Christians slaughtered millions of innocent muslims in the crusades.
I know these things, because I read about them in the newspaper.
</sarcasm>
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