Parents pay for juveniles' incarceration

After her adopted son returned from a juvenile correctional center two Christmases ago, Lillie Wilbourn tried to keep him out of trouble.

She paid someone to drive him to and from school. She locked the door at home, so he couldn’t stay there during the day when he should have been in class. She tried to get him a job.

But in November, a juvenile court judge in Portsmouth ruled that the teenager had violated his parole because he wasn’t attending school, wasn’t looking for a job and wasn’t keeping his curfew. The 17-year-old was committed to the state Department of Juvenile Justice for up to a year.

Last month, Wilbourn received a notice that is going to more parents in Virginia. The state’s Child Support Enforcement office informed her that she would be required to help pay for her son’s time in custody.

My MIL's family was normal blue collar. Technically so was my FIL's family. There was a dark side to them. My MIL's ancestry was Native American, and perhaps English or Irish. No one really talked about the Native American part. I guess they were ashamed. My folks worked just as hard as my ex's grandparents did, but my FIL couldn't keep a job, and he was a thief and a compulsive liar...among other things. My ex grew up hard. My MIL was bitter and hateful, and lost her faith in God. When I felt myself turning into her, I decided that I needed to get out. Took me 6 years.

The only reason I was told about the Native American part was because I was pregnant with my second oldest. My youngest one looks it. Genetics are weird, my son looks just like my dad at that age, the oldest looks like me, but her body is that of her paternal grandma, the second oldest is tall and blond and resembles her paternal aunt (I always thought the aunt looked a little like Iron Eyes Cody), but the baby is different. She is definitely not fair, and she and her sisters have piercing dark blue eyes. They also have the worst tempers.

I asked my MIL what tribe and she said it in native tongue, and I can't spell it or pronounce it, but she and her family moved here from Illinois back when. I get along pretty good with my ex brother in law and asked him, just how do you spell it, in case one of the kids wants to research their roots. He laughed and said that was the village...they're actually Iroquois. This was just a few weeks ago, I'm still laughing. No wonder my MIL called all her grandkids wild little injuns.

I was ready to break up with my ex, and then found out I was pregnant. Party is over, lol!

Is there any chance that maybe this girl is trying to escape a bad home? Look, we both know that they're too young to take on the responsibilities of marriage and parenthood, but what kind of parents (especially Hispanics) let their 17 yr old girl move in with a sailor? Maybe there is more to this? I'm thinking about how some of us want to fix things and help people. Is that your son?

My ex has always held a job. In fact I was right behind him as head cheerleader. my mother even typed up his resumes. I thought that if we could just get financially secure, if he could get a better job (he has a fantastic job), if the kids could be kept quiet...you know the drill. We never were financially secure, because his income went "elsewhere". While we were married, we lived in a house that eventually should have been condemned. He wouldn't do anything to fix it, citing that we were broke.

We weren't broke, as I found out during the divorce. Your ex may have drank, but mine is a sociopath and a compulsive liar...just like his dad :-( This is why I am constantly on my kids butts whenever they exhibit that kind of behavior. Even though I would take part time telemarketing jobs after he forbade me(and sold Avon for 9 years), because hell we "needed the money", I had to turn my check over to him...then beg for money for shoes for the kids.

We want better for our kids than what we went through. The problem is that they don't see it until it's too late sometimes. I hope that my girl wakes up, and sees her life for what it really is, not what it could be. The die is cast.

I enjoy your posts also, FRiend :-)

My FRiend!

My MIL was from a low class loser Irish Catholic family. Her father was a volunteer fireman who was killed when he drunkenly tried to catch a ride on a freight train. The only way they could identify him was by his wedding band. Her mom popped out babies like beans, there are 12 of them. She made no bones about the fact that she married my FIL because he had a car and a job.

My FIL was from a german family, but he always over compensated for him deformity. He had a bicycle wreck at 8 and they never took him to have his broken leg set so he had one leg that was some 4 inches shorter. He was a good guy and raised 10 kids.

Their kids are for crap, however. The first 5 have done okay, mostly through marriage, but the last 5 (my ex is the 9th of the 10) are basketcases. Never had to answer for anything they did. Jail? Bail!

I think Lolita is looking for attention. My son met her at a party (!) and brought her home. He has always had a thing that he has never been "appreciated." Geez!! I don't know what to do here.

I hope your girl wakes up, too. Now that she has a child maybe she will see things more clearly.

Hugs!

There are only a few (techical) exceptions to use of guidelines that I know of. In Washington, and perhaps a few other states by now, noncustodial parents with other children to support are effectively exempt from the presumptive guideline -- i.e. the guidelines or statute instructs judges to deviate for the sake of the other children. The other situation is when income is so high that it is beyond the guideline tables. You see requests for millions of dollars in child support per month for example, based on theoretical extension of the guideline, but that's usually not what the requester gets (although what they do get provides no reason for sympathy).

There should be a reasonably strong allowance for parents who agree to something other than what the schedule says, but I've heard too many stories about courts not allowing deviation because parents agree to it. Finally, just for kicks, there is a theory out there that the federal statute requiring the use of guidelines is actually only applicable to welfare cases, because it's in statute within the context of welfare law. But there's another federal statute offering bonus payments to states based on the amount paid through their systems, that explicitely sets out what is to be paid to them for welfare and non-welfare "collections."

Oh what an awful way to die!

My dad's mom had, I think, 12 pregnancies. There is no one left to clarify that. My dad was the youngest, and was 50 when I was born, so I learned a lot about how things used to be. My grandma went from being a scullery maid, to working in the mills for 12 hours a day. The women left their babies alone in their cribs, and were allowed to leave every 4 hours to nurse them. Cripes. Every one of her babies that lived past infancy died, drowning, car accident, and getting the wrong prescription, except my dad. I was my grandmother's only grandchild, and she was 90 when I was born. Back in the day, birth control was a mortal sin.

He met her at a party? Is there a way for you to come out and visit them? Bring them a present, and sit back and watch them. You know, most of the Hispanic folks I've known would never let their daughter shack up. If she's a "good girl", your son needs to marry her before the babies arrive. Visit them and decide. My daughter is stubborn. Her older sister ruined everything by nagging her, instead of being patient. That's why I stay out of it. She isn't listening right now.

((hugs)) back to you :-)

That's the thing. I can see the logic in assigning the father(through DNA testing, absolutely), child support in the case of welfare. I can also see going after a parent who will not support his/her kids. What I cannot get over is that the government has turned this into a cash cow based on human misery.

Here's a heartwarming story about trying to cooperate. My friend has a child who was born with a severe heart defect. The father has spent exactly one time at the hospital when he was an infant, and this boy is now 7, with 4 major heart surgeries. The father is finally paying child support. My friend told him that if he would be a father to this child and visit him, she would kick back half the child support to him(the boy is asking questions). They nailed him for 600 bucks a month. The father blew her off. This child shouldn't even be alive, but he's running around, and doing well in school.

My ex and I had a civil conversation last month. His high blood pressure is back. Problem is that he is a pathological liar. So is he sick, or is he fishing about my medical condition? After I got off the phone, I'm thinking about the QDRO that they lied about to the judge. I would like to point out that if he dies before I do, that half of the pension will help me take care of the youngest. If I go to court over this, which I would rather not do, the judge will be angry and probably raise my ex's cs obligation. My ex will then take it out on the kids.

I don't know. Chances are that he will outlive me, but you never know. I just want my little one protected.

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