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I (along with most of the men here) am Retrosexual and proud of it.
Woody's Taxidermy ^ | 4-11-04 | Cutbait Robin

Posted on 04/11/2004 12:05:58 PM PDT by Engine82

I've had ENOUGH!! OK, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!

Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement.

The Code :

A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "*****" in the title. Example..."***** Eye for the Straight Guy" The censor took care of this 'un...

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.

Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is cussing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i. e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (heck, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he darn well wanted it to land.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT !

Pass it on...............


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: beingarealman; guns; hunting; males; men; retrosexual
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To: sarasmom
The measure of a man is not in his stature, but his deeds.

I have met short guys whom I have trusted with my life--and tall, spineless weenies who were worthless.

261 posted on 04/12/2004 8:32:50 AM PDT by Smokin' Joe (Never get between the lemmings and the water.)
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To: Servant of the 9
A Real Retrosexual knows how to tie a Four-in-Hand knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Four-in-Hand knot, not a wussie Windsor knot designed for an effiminate fop who resigned his Kingship rather than Deal With It, and hadn't the brains to learn to tie a Four-in-Hand knot.

A Really Real Retrosexual also knows how to drive a Four-in-Hand rig.

Also a Retrosexual should know how to tie a bowline, a flying (or tugboat) bowline and a Spanish Windlass. And tie anything to anything with a series of half-hitches.

262 posted on 04/12/2004 8:32:55 AM PDT by Duke809
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To: IDontLikeToPayTaxes
Just means you are looking in the wrong place LT. Get away from the high-maintenance bimbos and meet some real wimmen.
263 posted on 04/12/2004 8:34:42 AM PDT by Smokin' Joe (Never get between the lemmings and the water.)
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To: wtc911
A few years ago, I had a dying Ash tree in the front yard. About 25 foot tall. My neighbor saw me getting the stuff together to drop the tree, then fell asleep on his couch. He was amazed to wake up a couple hours later to see the entire tree stacked up on the grass.
264 posted on 04/12/2004 8:42:17 AM PDT by cyclotic (Cub Scouts-Teach 'em young to be men, and politically incorrect in the process)
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To: bayourod
The sad fact is that many women with low self esteem are attracted to men who treat them like sh*t because they fear that someone they really like will discover that they are unworthy of him (in their opinion).

Close, but no seegar.

They chose men who could likely be goaded into abusing them because then they are in a position of power. After the 'honeymoon' is over, the cycle repeats. Sick, but not uncommon, and operates at non-violent levels as well in different economic circles.

Treating a whore like a lady could be the worse thing you can do to her. They can't take the stress of trying to live up to the image that a good man has of them.

Most of them will flee in short order (they can't handle the situation--too alien). Only the really mercenary will hold out for all the nickels.

265 posted on 04/12/2004 8:44:45 AM PDT by Smokin' Joe (Never get between the lemmings and the water.)
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To: wtc911
Only ties hereabouts at a dance are the western string type. I never felt comfortable hanging the rope around my own neck....
266 posted on 04/12/2004 8:48:22 AM PDT by Smokin' Joe (Never get between the lemmings and the water.)
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To: Duke809
Don't leave out the Clove hitch and the basic square knot!
267 posted on 04/12/2004 8:49:58 AM PDT by Smokin' Joe (Never get between the lemmings and the water.)
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To: Engine82; NRA2BFree
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.

And the more, the better.

268 posted on 04/12/2004 8:50:34 AM PDT by Euro-American Scum (A poverty-stricken middle class must be a disarmed middle class)
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To: Capriole
I can't handle a four-in-hand rig. I can hunt supper, fix any machinery, do plumbing and carpentry work, lay brick, pour concrete, do electrical work and defend the homestead. Am I qualified?
269 posted on 04/12/2004 8:53:02 AM PDT by wjcsux (DemocRATS, earning your scorn, ridicule and mistrust every day!)
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To: Engine82
Want to know why men become "metrosexual"?

One word: poontang.

If I think that using "product" in my hair every day will get me more tail, you better damn well believe I'm going to do it!

270 posted on 04/12/2004 8:54:31 AM PDT by Quick1
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To: Jim Noble
Hey, Jaguar E-Type. Cool...

Why are you all snickering at me?!?
271 posted on 04/12/2004 9:08:39 AM PDT by bondjamesbond (Stay well - Stay safe - Stay armed - Yorktown)
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To: IDontLikeToPayTaxes
I am most of the time. Whenever I find myself being too nice, I count to 10, take a deep breath, and then I'm right back to being an insensitive jerk. Believe me, girls eat that stuff up. They absolutely LOVE IT. Some will admit it. Most won't.

You are so right about this, I can't tell you. I can't tell you how many of my daughter's high school friends came over to the house, weeping and moaning about what b*stards their boyfriends were, and they just kept coming back for more. And the more abuse they took, the better they liked it.

It's a simple fact of life. Women like bad guys. The badder, the better.

I can't tell you how overjoyed I am to be too old for that kind of nonsense, anymore.

272 posted on 04/12/2004 9:12:17 AM PDT by Euro-American Scum (A poverty-stricken middle class must be a disarmed middle class)
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To: IDontLikeToPayTaxes
I am most of the time. Whenever I find myself being too nice, I count to 10, take a deep breath, and then I'm right back to being an insensitive jerk. Believe me, girls eat that stuff up. They absolutely LOVE IT. Some will admit it. Most won't.

You are so right about this, I can't tell you. I can't tell you how many of my daughter's high school friends came over to the house, weeping and moaning about what b*stards their boyfriends were, and they just kept coming back for more. And the more abuse they took, the better they liked it.

It's a simple fact of life. Women like bad guys. The badder, the better.

I can't tell you how overjoyed I am to be too old for that kind of nonsense, anymore.

273 posted on 04/12/2004 9:12:28 AM PDT by Euro-American Scum (A poverty-stricken middle class must be a disarmed middle class)
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To: Engine82
A real man doesn't have to include "sexual" in any descriptive term. It is a redundancy.
274 posted on 04/12/2004 9:19:28 AM PDT by American_Centurion (Daisy-cutters trump a wiretap anytime - Nicole Gelinas)
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To: Smokin' Joe
Just a style difference, that's all. Fact is, I think it's kinda retro to take the woman out on your arm and show the world how you feel about her. It's also kinda funny to see the metros showing off the steps they paid big bucks to learn. You can always tell.
275 posted on 04/12/2004 9:52:34 AM PDT by wtc911 (Europe without God plus islam = Eurabia)
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To: cyclotic
Almost the exact same story. These guys never think they can do anything so they never try. We had hurricane damage about fifteen years ago in another house, big old elms knocked down. It took me and my son, then @ 15, two days to get it all cleared away but we did it. I'm no kid anymore but I'm still a long way off from paying someone else to do my chores. Have fun....
276 posted on 04/12/2004 9:56:07 AM PDT by wtc911 (Europe without God plus islam = Eurabia)
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To: wtc911
Our funnest one was a few years ago after a storm. A wind shear dropped a bunch of trees on the street and killed the power for a week. Within 5 minutes after the wind stopped, all the retrosexual men on the neighborhood were outside revving the chainsaws. Nothing like a chainsaw to separate the retro's from the metro's. (that might become my new tagline)
277 posted on 04/12/2004 10:14:55 AM PDT by cyclotic (Cub Scouts-Teach 'em young to be men, and politically incorrect in the process)
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To: Smokin' Joe
Howdy. I'm not an LT. I got out as a CPT. Plus, I avoid the high maintenance girls like the plague.
278 posted on 04/12/2004 11:01:11 AM PDT by IDontLikeToPayTaxes
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To: Mr. Jeeves
Where were you guys last night when I was battling the Freeper Feminist Hit Squad all by myself on this thread? lol.

They called me every name in the book. Amazing.

279 posted on 04/12/2004 11:03:19 AM PDT by IDontLikeToPayTaxes
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To: Euro-American Scum
Yep, you're right. The people on this thread will go to their grave screaming "Girl like nice guys!" and call me every name in the book when I disagree. Just look at the posts on this thread and see how vicious and hysterical they get. We always make fun of liberals when they resort to ad hominem attacks, well the majority of people on FR do the same thing.

I have learned through experience that the Prince Charming romantic crap is a complete waste of time and especially MONEY. Women see politeness as weakness. If you're a nice guy, you'll be put on the "Just Friends" list and will probably never be removed.

The a-holes are the ones that get the girls. Treat females like crap. Never EVER physically abuse them. But just be a jerk. THEY LOVE IT. They'll always come back for more.

280 posted on 04/12/2004 11:09:29 AM PDT by IDontLikeToPayTaxes
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