Gay Couple Considers Themselves 'Married' Despite Bush's Intentions

Shreveport, LA, Times ^ | 02-25-04 | Ventura, J.D.

[Theodore R.]

Gay couple considers themselves 'married' despite Bush's intentions J.D. Ventura Posted on February 25, 2004

Chad Duggan, 36, and John Bogan, 41, both of Shreveport, plan weddings for a living, catering to the whims of blushing brides and their respective grooms. The two have been a successful team for seven years, partners in business, lovers at home. They own a house together, and a dog. They both wear matching platinum "wedding" rings. Yet, for them, there has never been an actual wedding.

The couple carefully orchestrate 25 ceremonies a year, but they cannot plan their own. And it would seem that President George W. Bush plans to keep it that way.

Publicly calling for a ban on same-sex marriage Tuesday, the president said he felt it necessary to take a stand on the issue to prevent "the meaning of marriage from being changed forever."

No matter what happens in Washington, marriage, as Duggan and Bogan have come to know it, would not change at all.

That's because, absent the option to legally marry, many gays and lesbians like the Shreveport couple, have taken it upon themselves to develop their own definitions of what marriage actually means, creating unions that transcend any legislated license or limitation. Louisiana law specifically defines "marriage" as a union between a man and a woman and refuses to recognize any other state's definition if it's different than Louisiana's.

That however didn't stop Duggan and Bogan from getting as close as possible to a "legal" marriage. Not soon after purchasing their first home together, they hired a lawyer. "His single objective was to protect us from anyone who might try to molest our partnership," said Bogan. They signed a living will, a power of attorney and a standard will, melding their lives together as closely as legally possible.

"We are married," said Bogan. "In no uncertain terms."

That's not to say that if they were given the right to legally marry they wouldn't. In fact, both men say they probably would. But the couple make it clear that, for them, marriage is more "a state of mind," a union they have cobbled together through "compromise and negotiation." In the Bogan/Duggan home, marriage is not a document folded up and thrown in a drawer, but rather something built atop everyday living. While Bogan quickly answered "yes" to the would-you-get-married-if-you-could question, his lover hesitated. "Psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, we are already married," said Duggan.

Still, with or without a marriage license, being a gay couple in Shreveport isn't always smooth sailing.When the two lived in San Francisco they would ride in the front seat of their truck, hip-to-hip. They don't do that here.

And their wedding rings sometimes draw them into awkward conversations. Walking through a Shreveport park, Duggan met a man who said that he thought he had seen the gay man's "wife" walking their dog. Duggan reflexively replied that he didn't have a wife, but he did have a partner named "John." "Pleasant but shocked" was how Duggan described the stranger's reaction.

It's not just heterosexuals that wrestle with the gay marriage issue. Some gay couples contacted for this article worried about employers' reactions. Bogan and Duggan said they understood such concerns, and felt comfortable talking to The Times, in part, because they are self-employed. But both agreed that a certain self-homophobia on the part of the gay community can contribute to heterosexuals not fully understanding gay relationships because they are not made to see them.

"[That understanding] takes people with a sense of purpose, who can be an example," said Bogan. "You need to be 'those people across the street' to really change opinions."

Duggan's opinion on marriage changed when Bogan proposed. Before that, as a gay man, he hadn't felt it was in his vocabulary, or future.

"I just didn't imagine it as a possibility," said Duggan. "I never thought someone would ask."

The couple say they meet many brides and grooms who have "very unrealistic" expectations of what marriage means. Even though they're not legally married themselves, they feel they have the answer.

Bogan provided a clue. "Marriage has nothing to do with wedding cakes," he said.

[Theodore R.]

The headline writer missed the point that "couple" is singular and "themselves" is singular. The writer seems to be saying that George W. Bush is keeping Messrs. Duggan and Bogan from full happiness.

[The G Man]

Well, they can consider themselves whatever they want. I consider myself Emperor of the known universe. It doesn't make it true.

[Conspiracy Guy]

I bow to you Oh Mighty Emperor.

CG

[Sacajaweau]

Now that the marriage penalty tax is gone and some of the estate tax burden has been drawn off...voila..gay marriage!

Apparently, two men and a dog make a marriage in this article. Yeh, right!!

[breakem]

My neighbors, two women, were married by they're minister. Good people. I'll tell them the emperor said howdee, they're sitting around anxious to hear your opinion of them.

[brothers4thID]

They consider themselves married?

Well I consider myself exceedingly witty. That doesn't make me Ronald Reagan.

[Conspiracy Guy]

What two men and a Gerbil do behind closed doors.... Yeech!

CG

[Xenalyte]

I consider myself Queen of the World. You'd best start worshipping me and bowing down, the lot a yez.

[Xenalyte]

The couple carefully orchestrate 25 ceremonies a year, but they cannot plan their own.

A whopping two a month. Sounds like bidness is booming.

[wayoverontheright]

The fact that these two are in effect refusing victimhood, which in my opinion this whole thing is about, really harms the cause of those pushing for legal recognition. I'd like to see this story get more play as it exposes how petty, unnecessary and selfish the gays' demands are.

[Redcoat LI]

Excuse me,but I am the Ruler of the Known Universe.

My right to intergalactic sovereignty is in the Constitution, right between the right to privacy and the repeal of the Second amendment.

Stop denying me my rights,and don't question my patriotism.

[whereasandsoforth]

It is amazing how in a couple of days this become an issue of Bush vs. Gays. Like the President is the only one standing in their way. I'm insulted by this political ploy. It makes my objections and opinion unimportant.

[pfflier]

Is this Howierd Dean lurking on FR?

[TheBigB]

So I see we have the Emperor of the Known Universe, the Queen of the World, and the Ruler of the Known Universe on the same thread. Would y'all like to discuss exactly who rules what? :)

[Blood of Tyrants]

Gay Couple Considers Themselves 'Married'

And I still consider them perverts and sexual deviants.

[BibChr]

Yeah, well, believe it or not, when I weighed 360, sometimes I felt fairly thin.

And when I was a teen and weighed ~165, I felt fat.

Didn't make it so.

Dan

[Theodore R.]

"themselves" is singular

I meant, "Themselves" is plural.

[Xenalyte]

Hmmmm . . . being a mere woman, and thus (according to another poster) incapable of logic, I'll rule France and Germany. And Canada. And Chad, since it's small and can easily fit into my ruling routine.

[Dataman]

Yeah, well, believe it or not, when I weighed 360, sometimes I felt fairly thin. And when I was a teen and weighed ~165, I felt fat. Didn't make it so.

Hey, I kind of like this irrational postmodernism.
I'm 12 feet tall. NBA, are you reading this?

[IrishCatholic]

I can call my dog a cat, it doesn't mean he can climb trees.