Dave Barry: Clearly Not for Faint of Art

The Miami Herald ^ | January 18, 2004 | Dave Barry

[quidnunc]

Whenever I write about art, I get mail from the Serious Art Community informing me that I am a clueless idiot. So let me begin by stipulating that I am a clueless idiot. This is probably why I was unable to appreciate a work of art I viewed recently, titled: Chair.

I saw Chair at Art Basel, a big art show held recently in Miami Beach. It attracted thousands of Serious Art People, who wear mostly black outfits and can maintain serious expressions no matter what work of art they are viewing.

This is hard, because a lot of Serious Art consists of bizarre or startlingly unattractive objects, or ''performances'' wherein artists do something Conceptual, such as squirt Cheez Whiz into an orifice that has not been approved by the Food and Drug Administration for snack toppings.

But no matter what the art is, a Serious Art Person will view it with the somber expression of a radiologist examining X-rays of a tumor.

Whereas an amateur will eventually give himself away by laughing; or saying ''Huh?''; or (this is the most embarrassing) asking an art-gallery person: ''Is this wastebasket a piece of art? Or can I put my gum wrapper in it?''

-snip-

[nuconvert]

''The chair offers not a weedy patina of desuetude but an apotheosis of its former occupant.''
"See, I missed that altogether, about the desuetude and the apotheosis. I thought it was just a crappy old junk chair..."

This was Great!

[Ronin]

HAR!!!!

Dave Barry is in rare form this week. This is one of his classics.

[livius]

That was what I thought, too. He's about the only thing that makes my Sunday paper worthwhile, and this morning, he did so big time!

[ClearCase_guy]

So much of the 20th century was crap. In politics, it was mostly people saying, "Socialism is crap!" "No, it isn't." "Yes it is!""No, it isn't." "Yes it is!""No, it isn't." "Yes it is!" and eventually most everbody realizing that socialism was crap.

As far as art goes, the century opened with people like Matisse and Picasso doing interesting things, but before long it was talentless hucksters like Warhol, Pollock and others pissing on all art and convinving people that their work was at the level of Renoir, Gainsborough or Sargent.

Don't get me started on the sad state of 20th century music. I just hope the 21st century fares better.

[Wilhelm Tell]

I wondered what it would be like to fly all the way from Paris to Miami, only to spend four days sitting outside an empty shipping container going ''boop.'' I would go insane. I would have an apotheosis of freaking desuetude.

LOL! I love the line, "I would have an apotheosis of freaking desuetude." That's classic.

[quidnunc]

ClearCase_guy wrote: Don't get me started on the sad state of 20th century music. I just hope the 21st century fares better.

There's some good music being written, but it's for the movies.

Give he sound tracks to the Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings movies a listen.

[nuconvert]

That was a great line, too!

LOL!!

[ClearCase_guy]

Oh, I know there's some gems out there. But the media pushes hard for people to embrace things that are not too embraceable. But it's true that artists like Howard Shore are worth listening to.

But why is Eminem a big star? Because everyone was told that he was a big star. Why is 50 cent a big star? Because everyone was told he was a big star. And Macy Gray? Hello?

The damn critics seem to ignore anyone with talent and then they go push the folks who have 6 month shelflives. I think it's about churning product, nothing more.

[kAcknor]

kAcknor Sez:  

 

Civilization, as we know it, is doomed.

"bISovbejbe'DI' tImer" (When in doubt, surprise them.)

Have you checked the *bang_list today?
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[Grut]

So much of the 20th century was crap.

Sturgeon's Law: "Ninety percent of everything is crap."

[Uncle Miltie]

"Serious Art People": SAPs

[MHGinTN]

Is that the chair previously owned/used by the poor thing shown in a 'suicide by fall' picture of a grossly obese person that slammed into a northern sidewalk and 'spread out'?

[ThanhPhero]

I thought the music in ROTK was relentlessly dreary.

[nuconvert]

Walls look awfully clean. Freshly painted?
How much you want for that fine piece of furniture?

[Moonmad27]

I once quoted Sturgeon's Law to a liberal friend. She then sniffed "Does that ninety percent include people too?" I didn't tell her that Sturgeon's law, when applied to liberals, goes higher than 90%.

[kAcknor]

Is that the chair previously owned/used by the poor thing shown in a 'suicide by fall'

kAcknor Sez:  

It's hard to say. My thoughts drift more to a tornado or the aftermath of a redneck divorce...

Either way, somebody lost the trailer...

 

"DujlIj yIvoq." (Trust your instincts)

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[visualops]

Actually that fat "splat" is photoshopped onto the sidewalk. The original art was the fat person sort of "melting" in a mysterious laboratory. Made out of fiberglass or some such. The artist makes other oddball stuff, and deserves credit for lifelike weirdness and originality lol

[kAcknor]

How much you want for that fine piece of furniture?

kAcknor Sez:  

According to Dave Berry, the price is $2800.00 bucks.

It's not mine. This is the chair he talks about in the story. Click on the picture.

OTOH, I have an old Honda CB350 (sans title) in about the same shape...

Wonder If I could put it on display someplace and sell it for more than I paid for it in 1973?

I'll call it "Lost Highway Dreams" and find a sucker an art lover to buy it?

 

"DujlIj yIvoq." (Trust your instincts)

Have you checked the *bang_list today?
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[MHGinTN]

Isn't there some saying about 'the eye of the beholder'? LOl