[dc27]

Your post is dead on. I started a calender this year to document how many times my wife will initiate sex. She initiaited only one time last year. BTW, no amount of catering will increase my odds. I help with the kids homework, bath them, clean up the house, and put the kids to bed. She is still "tired." After 10 years of marriage, I have learned not to humiliate myself and beg.

[technochick99]

After 10 years of marriage, I have learned not to humiliate myself and beg.

Does she have any reply when you bring the whole matter up to her in a straightforward manner? Major unhappiness with your relationsship is bad for the both of you.

[hopespringseternal]

She is still "tired."

In spite of all the carping about not being appreciated, loved, shown affection, helped, as being the cause of lack of female sexual interest, there is one sure fire way to make her initiate: Stop trying. She will notice your lack of interest and it can be quite alarming for her.

Women, in spite of their general disinterest in the act, definitely want to be desired. They are perfectly willing to turn you down a thousand times, but they are also desparately afraid of losing the opportunity to turn you down.

Of course this sort of manipulation is incredibly destructive.

[SauronOfMordor]

BTW, no amount of catering will increase my odds. I help with the kids homework, bath them, clean up the house, and put the kids to bed. She is still "tired." After 10 years of marriage, I have learned not to humiliate myself and beg.

I take a different approach. I do things for her when she's nice to me. When she can't be bothered being nice, then I can't be bothered doing what she wants me to do. She likes it when she's able to get me to do stuff for her, so she makes an effort to be nice.

There's one columnist on the subject that seems to make sense. The short summary of his advise is: generally, women are only sexually attracted to men that they can respect and admire. If you are too much of a "nice guy" doormat who delivers what she wants, but she can get away with not needing to care about keeping you happy, then she will have no respect for you, and things will go south from there.

[Quix]

HOW'S HER SELF-ESTEEM?

How were her attachment years 1-8 years old?

How's her confidence and self-image?


Then there's the whole hormonal thing and just the idiosyncratic differences between individuals.


AND, HOW'S THAT SET OF THINGS WHICH *SHE* DEFINES AS LOVING AND BEING LOVED?

And how are your NONsexual massage skills???

[Jane G]

How old is your wife?